Kisses and Endorphins
Everything in my life is dull and I have no money and my basement’s wet and my son hasn’t spoken to me for 24 hours because he’s in a “sniff”, but do you know what?

I’m in a great mood.

Is it the endorphins? I ran again this morning. I really must find my walkman – I’m not sure the neighbours enjoy my version of Ryan Malcolm’s Something More as I jog past at 5:45 am.

Today is garbage day, and there was some excellent haul at Pape – a bowl with retro palm trees on it. But:
1. I still had another 1.5 km to jog home. Hard enough without a big ass bowl under my arm.
2. The people were still putting stuff out. I don’t like to garbage pick while people are looking. I do have my pride.
3. It looked TOO good. Nobody throws something THAT cool out. Must’ve been hurled into or something.

Sad, really. And yet, I’m still in a great mood.

I ran into Fresh on my way into work (he’s been keeping up with his resolution too). It totally tickled me to see him out of context. And there’s something lovely about getting a kiss right outside your office building.

Crappy. How Was Yours?
Spent the weekend tearing up carpet tiles, breathing in mould, throwing about toys, applying bleach and carrying laundry to and from the laundromat in the pouring pouring rain. And guess where I keep all my clothes. Yep, the basement. Too much fun!

Oh yeah, and I didn't get the investment firm job. Got a form letter about persuing applicants whose qualifications most closely meet our requirements. Blah, blah. And just when I had come to terms with the fact that I didn't want the job because it was boring. I wanted to reject them first! Grrrrrrrrr!!!! Consider yourself rejected you boring no-taste bureaucrats!

But I'm not bitter.

Jerks.

The Modern Olympics
I am not athletic (see below) and I don't understand the Olympics. I don't watch them and I find them a total waste of time (except for that cute diver I saw a clip of on the news. Me-ow!)

Anyhow, I was thinking: what's the point in proving you're superior at running or throwing pointy things or swimming? And then it occured to me -- these used to be important life skills. Outrunning an angry mastadon or killing one with your spear was vital. So being the best at these skills really mattered.

Nowadays - not so much.

So if the Olympics are meant to display who is best at important survival skills, what should the Olympics of 2004 really look like?
-Running in heels
-Carrying drycleaning in one hand and an extra large pizza in the other
-Phone tag
-Delegation relay
-Toddler Toy Hurdle With Phone Ringing

I'm tired. You think of some.

A New Leaf

Before
Fresh and I have made back to school resolutions.
I am going to get up every morning at 5:45 am and run for half an hour. And Fresh is going to wake up early and get into work an hour earlier.
Today was Day One. So far so good.
Boomer, does my incentive program still apply?

After

Remove her clothes and give her a hub, say "Thank you!"
Ice Queen's Site of the Day

Please do wait for all the photos to load.

Can you imagine yours doing this? Me neither.

Nobody Told Me There’d Be Days Like These
Sick yesterday. Achy, breaky, shaky. You know. Spent yesterday at home. Read Tempting Faith DiNapoli, which was not bad. Tried to sleep, but lots of construction equipment outside our house.

Felt better in the evening. Decided to turn in early. Went down to the basement to get some toiletries and the basement was flodded. About half an inch of water. It was dry by the walls and in the bathroom, so the culprit seems to be the floor drain. Spent an hour pulling up carpet tiles and sweeping water into the floor drain. Had a bath to get rid of smell. At least, I hope it got rid of the smell….. Hey! Where are you going?

So now we need:
• New dryer and washer (see last week)
• Plumber to fix whatever went awry (we have a nice plumber, luckily)
• New floor covering
• Probably new couch (needed one anyway, but now it’s half wet too, besides being generally skanky.)
• A lot of elbow grease to pull up carpet tiles which are very well glued.
• Manicure after finish pulling up carpet tiles.
• Money. Sigh.

Professor Frink, Professor Frink
He’ll Make You Laugh, He’ll Make You Think
Miss Mimi Smartypants (found on Mikevil’s site) was complaining that Creative Writing students tend to misspell the following words:
1. ethereal
2. bier
3. corporeal
4. breathe
5. alabaster
6. scythe
7. sacrificial
8. wraith
9. translucent
10. vengeance

I have a B.A. in Creative Writing and I have NEVER used these words. Perhaps, I thought, I am missing something.

So, my dears, this is your challenge for today. Write a poem using the ten words listed above. Please try to be amusing; it’s too easy to simply be bad.

On your mark, get set, GO!

The Whole Kitten Caboodle
Ice Prince didn’t want to come home from his new daycare provider’s house.
“I want to stay here.” “We have to go home for supper.”
“I’m going to have supper here. And I’ll sleep in the guest room.”

And on the way home:
“Know what, mommy?”
“What?”
“Jasmine has much better toys than we do.”
Ouch.

In other news, our dryer is broken. We need to buy a new one. And the washer is making sympathy noises, so we’ll probably buy a set. Being an adult sucks. Luckily, I can hang things outside now, but on weekdays, I’m not enjoying waking up at 6 am to wash clothes and then stand outside in the cold hanging up damp undies. We make a lot of laundry. Especially the Prince.

I phoned the Executive Search Firm back. They want to line me up with a job that would involve me managing a stable of creative professionals for a healthcare education agency. A very interesting job with reasonable pay, but sounds VERY stressful. But maybe in a good way. I’m flexible – but not cheap. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.

Should hear back from the investment firm this week. Such fun! It’s like dating again!

I Believe in Miracles

Thanks
First of all, snaps to Crabby for guest blogging. You are the wind beneath my wings. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Her blog is now back in business, which makes me happy.

In the news this morning:
Ice Prince Starts New Daycare Provider This Morning
It’s two streets north of our house. She’s a lovely lady named Jasmine with a big fenced yard and all the toys a kid could want. She’ll be walking him to school in a couple of weeks when he starts Junior Kindergarten. There’s another little boy at Jasmine’s who will be in IP’s class. They may be best friends, who knows? So exciting!

Ice Prince Visits Ex, Has Too Much Fun
Yesterday the Royal Family went to the Ex. IP enjoyed the rides thoroughly. I almost got sunstroke waiting in line for tickets, and then I got nauseous from riding in some spinning strawberry thing with IP. The waffles were ice creamy, the Food Building sucked, and Fresh won a Nemo for IP. IP got to sit in a real firetruck. He cried every time a ride ended.

Things I’m happy about
My suntan (not from sunbathing, just from being outside). I’m brown as a berry! Want to see my tan lines? (On my feet! Dirty mind!)
My big bass
My two job leads
My bottle of red wine waiting at home
My blank CDs
Sunshine
Not having to commute downtown with Ice Prince anymore
Getting to wear my fall clothes soon, which are much more flattering
And my black boots with heels! “where you from, you sexy thang…”

Okay, back to work.

The Bitch is Back!
I'm back and I'm so glad! I missed it all so much! The nylons, the lattes, the bathtub, the stove, the wine! Oh, how I missed the wine!

Anyhow, a rather eventful week in all. Let's recap:
Arrived Friday night in beautiful Minden Ontario. My parents' trailer which they just bought is on a lovely lot in a park where we have been going since 1978 when I was 9 years old. Dad was a teacher, so we'd spend all summer up there. Ah, the crushes, the pre-teen angst, the dreams I dreamt in that park.

It's a small trailer with an addition built on to it, like a living room/dining room area.

Caught big fish. Smallmouth bass. 4 and a half pounds. Used a frog for bait. The fillets are in my freezer and we will be having them for supper, possibly tonight.

Ate Kawartha Dairy Ice Cream. Which, if you haven't had it, is an orgasmic experience. Pralines and cream, natch.

Watched Monsters Inc. more than a dozen times. (Not much to do with Ice Prince at 6:30 am when he wakes up.)

Went to Parorama Point and saw shooting stars.

Wore a ripped pair of jeans and a lumberjack shirt. Really. I was cold. I'll post a picture when I get them back.

Saw whitewater rapids.

Had a campfire.

Ate junk food. (It's going to take weeks to undo what my parents have done to Ice Prince's food choices.)

Heard the loons calling and saw a heron fly only about 3 metres above my head.

But the big news chez Ice is that I've been checking my voice mail and I got TWO calls on jobs.

We came back yesterday afternoon. I curled my hair, got a quick manicure, bought an outfit and went off to an interview at an investement firm. It went okay. Too many of those stupid behavioural questions (Tell me about a time when you have to gain buy-in from another team....). I'm guessing I'll make the second round of interviews.

As per usual, I ran into my boss at the office when I had to run in for copies of my resume. So, as usual, I 'fessed up. She knows I'm looking anyway. (New readers, check out the fiasco of my last job interview on February 5. Hilarious!).

The other call was from an Executive Search Firm (Mandrake). I has sent in a resume for one thing, but they want to hook me up with something else. I'll call them Monday. Make 'em sweat.

Such excitement! It's great to be wanted.

The first few days at the trailer, it seemed like something was missing. But when I landed the job interview, it felt like it did when I was a teenager there in summertime: like I was on the cusp of something big, like anything could happen.

Since I've come home, I have made brownies and I am currently making waffles. Fresh is happy to have me home. Not just for the cooking, I'm sure. He left the place very tidy. It's good to be back.

The Ice Queen's Legacy Project

Ice Queen to Crabby: I want a new job. What do you think I should do for the rest of my professional life?

I gave this some thought, and came to two conclusions: Ice Queen deserves to be challenged with an opportunity to use her amazing creative energy, and that at her age, she'd better find something quickly.

Here's today's assignment: find or create Icy's next job - something that pays in the six figures, and involves no weekend or evening work (but does entail lots of foreign travel).

You can ask me anything

It's Crabby here, equipped with Icy's username and password and in possession of all the answers to your most important questions about the Ice Queen. I'll start you off.

How did you meet the Ice Queen, Crabby?
I met the Ice Queen in 1990 or 1991, but I had known of her since 1988. My friend - call her The Sociopath - went to university with Icy and Sister StaceyPatrick. We all met for drinks one night at some wine-bar in the St. Lawrence Market district, and that was the first time I met Icy.

What had you been told about the Ice Queen, Crabby?
The Sociopath told me that Icy was repressed, shy, and wanted to raise a half dozen babies on some island in the Pacific Northwest. Hmph. The only part she got right was that the babies would be Fresh's.

So bring it on. Ask away. I know you want to!

En Vacances
I’m going on vacation, dearhearts. I’ll be back on Monday August 23. Crabby has the passwords and may be persuaded to post. She offered to tell the story of how we met. (Sister Stace, if you want to post, ask Crabby for the passwords. I know you have lots of Ice Queen stories to tell. But not about Tim’s braces, this is a family blog, of sorts.)

I am surprised at how much I will miss blogging. Perhaps I shall buy a notebook and write down whatever I would have blogged and then you’ll have twice the blog when I get back.

We’ll go drinking when I get back. Promise.

Talk amongst yourselves. Kiss, kiss!

A Special Friday Before Vacation Treat!

Ice Queen discusses politics. Which I never do.

1. That radio station in Quebec that being shut down by the CRTC? Tough shit. You were warned. Freedom of speech, my ass. That’s spreading hate. I though Quebeckers were all progressive-like, but they sound like they have more in common with Ralph Kein.
2. Governor of NJ resigns because he’s gay. Wha-? Gay men can’t hold office? Men who cheated on their wives can’t hold office? Pul-lease!
3. San Fran revokes all gay marriage licenses. What a bunch of neanderthal douchebags!

Grrrr….this is why I never discuss these things. It makes me mad.

Okay, I’ll tell a little story about one time I went up to the “resort” (read: trailer park) where I am going this week. My family has been going there since I was 8 years old, but I haven’t been there since 1992. Anyhow,

One day when I was about 14, I went up to the store to buy some candy or gum. The people who ran the park at that time were very much like the gang on Trailer Park Boys. No, really. That’s probably why I like the show so much. Anyhow,

I came back from the store and reported to my mom:
“Orville (the owner’s son) just got his package from Columbia!”
My mother was silent.
“Mum?”
“Errr…how do you know that?”
“It was delivered while I was up there.”
Silence.
“Columbia Records, Mom, not a package full of cocaine from Columbia!”

Swan Song
Picked up Mikevil in my Swan Boat this afternoon. We went over to Hanlan's Point. I wrote poetry for loose change, then I bought us each a snow cone. Mikevil tossed foie gras at the Canada Geese while singing show tunes and then he saw the Bat Signal. It was a diversity emergency and he had to go. But I am sure we will meet again some day where the asphalt is hot and the beer is cold (or the wine is red.) Farewell! God speed!

I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Mikevil. I'm not usually good with strangers. Mind you, he's not a stranger, is he?

So I have now met Surly Snobby, Radmila, Mikevil and I alerady knew Crabby and Sister Stacey (lurker and former blogger in her own right). Who's next up for Meet The Ice Queen?

If Your Life Were a Reality Show.....
1. What would it be called?
2. What would the theme song be?
3. What cheesy b-list star would you want on when the ratings started to slip?
4. Who would your corporate sponsor(s) be?


Mine would be:
1. "What's an Ice Girl Like You Doing In A Place Like This?"
2. "I'll stop the world and melt with you..."
3. Chris Makepeace from My Bodyguard and Meatballs . But not cheesy enough. Maybe....Al Yankovic! Yes!
4. Brought to you by: DIM Pantyhose and the Australian Wine Council

Mother Knows Best
When I was a kid, we moved every two years. The only real reason seemed to be that was that my parents have a short attention span. (They still do - they’ve been in their current house just over a year). Anyhow, in Grade 8, we moved over the summer. The last week of August, we had an appointment to go meet my new teacher.


I dressed up in my best Back to School clothes.(I seem to remember purple pants and a thin cotton purple sweater. Ick! Well it was 1981.) Anyhow, we met the guy. Then we went for a drive, down to Lake Erie. We walked down to the edge and watched the water. It was a hot day. The waves were crashing against the shore. I was thinking bittersweet thoughts about starting a new school and making a good impression and getting older. Would I make new friends? Would they like me? Then, my mother pushed me into the lake.

I laughed and laughed and spent the next hour jumping in the waves. And then we went for ice cream as I dripped in the back seat. (Sweaters don’t dry quickly.)

I still smile when I think about it.

You know which wines go best with which foods, and
you can make New York City's finest sommalier
feel like a kid at a keg party. You wanna take
that Emeril guy and beat him with a stick, but
really - you've got more class than that.
What people love: You know the best restaurants and
what their specialties are.
What people hate: Every waiter in town wants to
mangle your pretentious ass.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Note to my Dates Tonight
Ice Prince is sick. I'll be swinging by the office to pick up work and then home again.

Raincheck please?

Fresh Gets Promotion
He's now the head guy in his office and will be liaising much more with the Big Guy. More admin work, less night meetings.

Ice Queen Hall of Shame
Yesterday I dropped by the outskirts of the Taste of the Danforth food festival to get dinner.

A man in front of me with a six year old son crumpled up a large piece of paper and stuck it in a curbside flowerpot.

"Excuse me," said I "You seem to have dropped something." And I handled it back to him.

He took it sliently and grimly. And he put it in the trash can several feet away.

Ice Queen 1 Thoughtless People Messing Up My Neighbourhood 0

It's International Matty G Day
Apparently it is celebrated by having a hangover.

Why is it that nobody ever comes up to talk to me, but this morning, everyone is dropping by to chat, including Boomer's boss, who is way too enthusiastic and can't take a hint?

Make them go away. Now.

Damn! I just forgot that I've got a snail in my purse. Better go get him out. Talk amongst yourselves and have a very Happy Matty G day.

I'll Admit They Are a Bit Pneumatic....
I just typed "hot air balloon" into Ask Jeeves' picture search. I got Janet Jackson and Britney Spears.

Today is Hereby Declared International Ice Queen Day

Today is MY day.

Fresh has got Ice Prince duty.

After work, I am going to the local pool to slide down the giant water slide and then I’m going to Crabby’s (Sister Staceypatrick is coming too.) Fresh told me to “Drink lots of wine. You’ll feel better.” You don’t have to tell ME twice!

Any other indulgent (and preferably free) things I can do to celebrate?

(It just occurred to me that it’s also my 6th anniversary of working at the Behemoth Bank. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Ice Queen’s tab at the LCBO.)

I was planning to wear my tiara tonight, and then I thought, "Aren't we getting a bit obsessive?" and then I thought "Who gives a shit, it makes me happy." Maybe I'll wear it on the water slide too...ah, hell, they probably won't let me.

”You want some parfait? Nuh-uh, I don’t like no parfait.”
Kinda depressed lately. Don’t know why. Same old same old. And yet, when I think of doing something different that I would usually find fun, I just can’t be bothered. I need a major life renovation Chez Ice. Maybe I’ll take an improv class. Normally I’d dye my hair or chop it all off…but “I’m an adult now.” (That and the fact that I’m not about to throw away my pricey Aveda highlights.)

But this made me smile.

A Shot of Scotch
My Scottish Nana used to sing this to me. I sing it to the Ice Prince (who has alternated between insisting on being called either "Stephanie" or "Princess" this weekend, but I digress). I tried to look it up on the 'net to see if there were more verses, to no avail.

So here's what I remember of it:

Ali bali, ali bali bee
Sittin' on yer mammy's knee
Greetin' for a wee bobby
Tae buy some Cooter's Candy

Och wee bairn, you're lookin' mighty thin
A wee bag o' bones puckered o'er wit' skin
But soon you'll be gettin' a wee double chin
From suckin' Cooter's Candy

(greetin' = begging, bobby = money/a penny, bairn = child)

Well then, that explains everything....

Red Wine Is Good For The Breasts.