Thursday, March 31, 2005

"This is the Pope that never ends, he just goes on and on and on..."
"The pontiff (that's the Pope to you and me -- IQ) seemed to indicate he would want to be kept alive by artificial means even if he fell into a coma or persistent vegetative state." (City Pulse 24)

So even if it was God's will that he die, he would want to be kept alive through man-made means, eh?

So why then, if it's okay to use man-made modern conveniences to make your own choices, is birth control wrong?

(I like the Pope. I'm just sayin'....)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Ice Queen recommends
Backseat Kiss’ Cocktail of the Week Page
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With such wonderfully named delights as:
• A mix tape is forever
• Drunken phone calls (this one looks tasty!)
• You will not find love on the radio

Click on ‘em! The descriptions and illustrations are charming in a broken-heart-listening-to-Air-Supply-in-your-darkened-bedroom-and-crying sort of way. Which I like.
Bonus Photo!
So much going on right now, I don't even know where to start.

In the meantime, here's a picture of Ice Prince. I know, you're not supposed to post pictures of kids on the 'net, but look how cute he is:
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(Okay, maybe you wouldn't exactly recognize him on the street from this photo....)

Monday, March 28, 2005

Child Labour, among other things
Fresh now has the stomach flu-y thing that I had last week and Ice Prince had the week before.

I’m soooo tired. Cleaning the basement was more work than I expected. Didn’t help that IP kept bringing all of his toys down to amuse himself while I worked. I decided to get him to clean the bathroom because he loves to spray Windex. 10 minutes later I looked in the bathroom and the trash can was full of barely used paper towels. And the bathroom was still dirty. He would find one tiny dirty spot, spray it repeatedly and then wipe it meticulously with five paper towels. Typical man – if you don’t do it well, you won’t be asked to do it again.

Here’s a joke my Dad e-mailed me:

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door...... The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks. "No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!!"

His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed
of yourself!"

The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Just your typical Easter Weekend
So, Rich was here last night. We ate steak, drank wine and had a lovely time. Even though we only see him once a year, it's like no time has passed. (Hi Rich! Hi Craig!)

I woke up at 4 am. There was that critical moment when you think: "Did I wake up because I'm hungover and feel like hell?" but no. I lay there. Maybe I should tunr on the dishwasher. Hmmm. Maybe. Can't get back to sleep. Ah, Sunday morning. Easter Sunday. Easter! Damn!

So at 4 am, I was out in the backyard hiding plastic eggs. ("We can't let the Easter Bunny in the house, Mommy. He'll bounce and break the ceiling and bounce and break the table and bounce and break the windows...." and so on.)Some of the eggs had toys in them, and some had chocolate. Sometime between 4 and 7 am, the squirrels figured out how to sniff out the chocolate ones, open them and eat the contents. Ice Prince was happy "This was so NICE of the Easter Bunny!" and seemed to buy the excuse that the Bunny had dropped some of the eggs and that's why they were already open.

PTA (Parental Arrival Time), T minus 24 hours or so. I think all I have left to do is vacuum the basement carpet.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Paper Tiger
If it weren’t for the G-D snow again, I’d be very happy today. As such, I am pretty darn happy, which is fine by me.
House is kinda clean-ish
Aunt Susan is dropping off Easter Basket for Ice Prince tomorrow
NYC friend Rich is coming for dinner on Saturday
Spring is just around the corner, I swear
Good stuff going on at work (more on this later if anything develops)
Big ass coffee
Housewarming present for parents (giant grill/griddle thing, which I will naturally borrow when entertaining)
Dryer coming!
Basement 90% ready for parents
Husband 90% ready for parents
Fresh is making grand progress on the guitar – very pleasant to listen to him practice
Long weekend
Done most of the heavy duty stuff I need to do at work…for a few days at least
Meeting I didn’t want today cancelled
Boss asks for things these days and then says :”I don’t need to see this. You’re a good writer. Just send it.”

Anyhow, more stuff to do at work. May have to go choose some paper this afternoon. Don’t you hate it when you want 100 lb and you get 60 lb? And you get glossy instead of matte? I used to trust my print guy, but lately I am questioning his taste in paper.

Glossy, indeed. Pfft!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Ice Queen Reviews The Incredibles
I bought The Incredibles yesterday. It was good. Not great. I felt a bit cheated. I expected it to be really funny, but it was more like watching an animated James Bond movie. Did you see it? What did you think? I'll probably like it better next time, because I'll know what to expect.

Ice Prince liked the first ten minutes and laughed hysterically when Incrediboy got ejected from the car. Then he got bored and starting doing other stuff.

My favourite part was Helen’s first phone call to Bob. “Ha, ha!” Don’t know why, but I could so see me doing that.

And Bob’s boss seemed to be channelling William H. Macy. Which is fine.

The most disappointing part of all was the Incredi-blunders. I didn’t want to see the animators’ goofs, I wanted to see the animated characters behaving like real actors and messing up their lines, etc. You know.

Oh! I was watching some the of the behind the scenes interviews, I decided that I so want an office that looks like Pixar’s. Stuffed couches, toys, castles, the works.

Who am I kidding? I’d just love an office with a door.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Rules Are Made to Be Broken
Some of you already know, but haven’t mentioned anything here before, so here it is:

My parents are moving in with us. Now, my parents read this blog, as do their friends, so you won’t hear me dissing them or anything. And in answer to the inevitable questions:

1. Because Dad’s retired and there’s nothing to keep them living in Glencoe anymore.
2. Basement Apartment, separate entrance
3. Seasonally (they’ll be up to the trailer from May to October.)
4. Yes, Ice Prince is excited.
5. Sure, it’ll have very good results (inhouse babysitting and a van) and some bad results (hopefully Dad won’t play his Whitesnake albums too loud and Mom won’t ruin the paint by taping up all of her Justin Timberlake posters).

The hardest part will be training Ice Prince that he can’t just run down there any time he likes to visit. “But Mommy, privacy is just for the bathroom,” he says.

The Crabbys were over on Saturday and we were talking to IP. “So,” I said to him, “You have house rules. Are there any house rules Nana and GP will need to know about?”

“No going down!” says IP.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Born to be Wilde
Did you read Picture of Dorian Grey? And do you know vaguely about Canadian Idol? Of course you do! My readers are both educated and cognizent of popular culture. (Thus you will also enjoy the post title on both levels.)

So you'll understand when I say:
Kalan Porter is exactly how I always imagined Dorian Grey to look.

Am I right?

Thursday, March 17, 2005

My Sainthood Is In The Mail
Busy today, possums. Today is a Virtuous Day®, whereby I do things that scare me like:
1. Returning rather ancient voice mails
2. Calling a stranger (ugh!) to ask them about taking away our old washer and dryer.
3. Doing the last fiddly bits to get our employee newsletter done.
4. Cleaned off my sty of a desk. I have a box full of band-aids (unopened, natch) and photos of Ice Prince. And hair gel. And a pair of underwear. And a dress. And crayons. Don’t I sound like I have a fun job?
5. Arranging meetings with people I have ignored. For good reason.
6. Smiling at people I don’t like (okay, that was actually a mistake. I thought it was my boss coming around the corner, but it was someone else.)

In other news, today is Beach Day at Ice Prince’s school. Err…yes, that’s right. Not St. Patrick’s Day, but BEACH DAY. Explain to me why they can celebrate St. Valentine’s Day and not St. Patrick’s Day? Is there some IRA contingent in East York that I was previously unaware of? (Of which I was previously aware?) Fresh was goading me to join the Home and School Association for pure entertainment value.

Okay, can’t spend Virtuous Day® on the blog. À la prochain!

(Feeling better thanks.)

Monday, March 14, 2005

Friday, March 11, 2005

Because I'm the Queen, That's Why!
It's Ice Queen Appreciation Day. Why? Because I bloody well need to be appreciated, that's why! Sigh.

Write me a poem, pay me a compliment, mail me a present. Reflect on the fabulousness that is The Ice Queen!

In proper news,last call for recommending a book for Icicle Fief Reads! If I don't get any more enteries, we'll do the polling on Monday for the book you most want to read. Then, go read it! And report back on whether you liked it. You know the drill: screamforicequeenATgmailDOTcom.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Maria's Reading Adventure in Downtown Toronto
Part trois in the ongoing Icicle Fief Reads series. To nominate a book, e-mail screamforicequeenAtgmailDOTcom
Title: The Song Beneath the Ice
Author: Joe Fiorito
Genre: Fiction/drama/mystery
About what: This book is about a Toronto musician who
suddenly disappears. His friends decides to look for
him and find out what really happened.
Why you should read it:This book shows a portrait of Toronto as it sounds, it helps us appreciate all the sounds that surround us in
our everyday lives, sounds we may take for granted
like the TTC chimes, the streetcar bell, people
walking by speaking different languages. It also talks
about places in the city that all of us might be
familiar with. It is an amazing portrait of Toronto
through an often overlooked point of view.

(P.S. to Crabby: I'm going to post my sonnet to the 2DM now.)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Irascible Reads!

Part Deux in the ongoing Icicle Fief Reads series. To nominate a Canadian work of fiction, e-mail me at screamforicequeenATgmailDOTcom.

About what: A group of Microsoft employees in 1993 that leave the relative security of Bill’s company to take a chance with a start-up. The book is largely a search for identity and meaning in the “accelerated culture” that we now live in. Microserfs further expounds on the themes of Coupland’s previous novels notably that, “we live in an era with no precedents – this is to say, history is no longer useful as a tool in helping us understand current changes.”

This "time" is like no other and meaning is hard to find.

Top Eight Reasons why to Read it:

1) It’s written like a journal. It could’ve been a blog.

2) The book examines the disconnect that modern life creates with nature, our primal selves and hence that which makes us happy. “he mistakes the reward for the goal… He is lost. He does not connect privilege with responsibility; wealth with morality. I feel it is up to me to help him become found. It is my work, it is my task; it is my burden.

“Q: What animal would you be if you could be an animal? A: You already are an animal”

3) The pop-culture references are not only hilarious but well suited for the novel e.g. “Using the Bloom County-cartoon-taped-on-the-door index Michael is certainly the most sensitive coder..”

4) The books words of wisdom about change: “people are generally quite thrilled to have change enter their lives…(but) I’ve realized that people most dread the thought of actually initiating change… It’s hard coping with chaos and diversity.” “We mistake this time as “the ‘end of history.’ But maybe it’s the Beginning.”

“The only thing that is immune to change is our desire for meaning”

5) It’s important to choose to find hope

6) Awesome little stand alone paragraphs like: “And I wondered then, how do we ever know what beauty lies inside of people, and the strange ways this world works to lure that beauty outward?”


“Went to the gym for the first time today and my body feels like an East German Trabant car running on linseed oil crashing into a stack of burning televisions. The pain!”

7) Knocks the piss out of the silly tendency people have to define themselves by their work.

8) It’s reinforced my drive to be “One-Point-Oh.” To build; to create; to make something new. Version 1.0 “is what separates the microserfs from the cyberlords.”

Monday, March 07, 2005

Crabby Reads!
Our first nomintation for the Icicle Fief comes from Crabby.
Title: Testament
Author: Nino Ricci
Genre: Historical fiction.
About what: Set in a remote corner of the Roman Empire at a moment of political unrest and spiritual uncertainty, it re-tells the life of a man of enormous charisma who alters the course of human history. The main character's story is told through the eyes of four characters: Judas Iscariot, Mary Magdalene, his mother Miryam, and Simon. And, if you haven't guessed already, the main character is Jesus.
Why read it: There are no miracles here! Indeed, Ricci writes that Jesus was conceived as the result of a rape, not immaculate conception. This is a book about a fictionalized human being, not the son of God. This is not my favourite work of Canadian literature, but it is astonishingly good and very different from anything else that is likely to be on your list.

Any questions for Crabby about her nomination?

(Don't forget, if YOU want to nominate a book, email me at screamforicequeenAT gmailDOTcom, this means YOU, Mikevil and JustMark!)
Have You Seen This Queen?
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(Really, it look much piecier and browner in person. Really.)

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Could've been worse. I could've looked like Jimmy Fallon.
So you want to know how the haircut went? How flattering!

I have two words:

TINA FEY. (If you don't know who that is, please go away and come back when your popular culture meter is back on 21st century.)

True. The colour, the piecey-ness. The attitude. Especially with my librarian glasses. I'll try to manage a picture tomorrow at the subway station if I have the right change.

I'm bloody pleased with it. Fresh (hereby known as Funky Folk Frank since he began playing Knockin' on Heaven's Door on the guitar) seems to like it too. Ice prince has no comment. Mommy usually has dog ears on or a serape or a tam or a tutu, so nothing really phases the poor boy.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Clock Watching
Is it 5 o’ clock yet? No. Sigh.

I’ve worked hard this week. Really. But this is ridiculous. The longest. Afternoon. Ever.

Hey, I finally read David Sedaris’ “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.” He is hailed as the funniest writer around. Brilliant. Wet your pants hilarious.

I didn’t laugh once. I didn’t even smirk. I forced myself to finish it. I’d like to ask for my money back, but I got it from the library. Maybe they can credit my library fines for the portion of my life I wasted while reading it.

I’ve read funnier, better written blogs, including yours. Seriously.

You want funny? Read Bill Bryson. Now THAT man can make me laugh out loud.

Now back to our regularly scheduled memo-writing.
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
I added a colouring to my appointment tomorrow.

Will I be blonde, brunette or red?

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion!
Superstar Chef, My Arse
After waiting up until midnight while it simmered, the veal is still kinda chewy and the potatoes are still al dente (which means "pretty bloody rock hard" to those non-culinary types).

I'm going to take out the potatoes, add some portobellos and serve it over orzo if it doesn't seem much improved when I heat it up tonight.

Don't worry, Crab Family! There's always bread and salad!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Just Another Thursday Night in the Icicle Fief
Here's what I'm making right now. Only I decided to use osso bucco (veal shank) instead of stewing veal because I'm afraid of any stewing meat turning out too chewing.

Don't you wish you were coming for dinner tonight, like Crabby and Mr. Crab? I'm still hoping to have a BBQ for the Ice Queen readers this summer. It'll be such fun! I can feel the hangover just thinking about it.

(Yes, I'm making Friday's the night before. We working parents try to make things seem effortless.) Fresh is downstairs practicing his guitar and it sounds good.

Anyhow, time to go peel some potatoes. I plan to try to do Illustration Friday tomorrow, so drop by to see what the theme is and what I draw. My drawing is worse than my singing -- and I actually took drawing lessons. Sad, really. Of well. I still have my good looks and winning personality.
From the Annals of WTF?!
A French version of the Spongebob Squarepants Theme to the tune of Jingle Bells as written and sung by me, the Ice Queen:

«Bob l’éponge
Bob l’éponge
Avec les pantalons
Lui, il aime ses pantalons
Et je lui aime sans. »

(Honestly, I don’t know what got into me. I’m in a weird mood.)

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Beta Testing
Try this poll.

(Stupid javascript.)
With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good
I have a hair appointment for 2:00 on Saturday at Poison Ivy. The 'do below, with possibly longer or shorter bang bits - TBD.

(I'm saving my spa gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure at the first whiff of spring. What I wouldn't do for a little Spring Whiff® right now!)

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Danger! Danger!
I bought a hairstyles magazine.

Here, what do you think? Would this look good on me?
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Douglas Adams was right about giant currency . Marie Curie " I have no dress except the one I wear every day. If you are going to...