Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Class all the way at my house, baby!
So Ice Prince and I made chocolate covered strawberries first thing this morning for him to take as his class party treat today.

He didn't have breakfast this morning because he filled up on chocolate covered strawberries. But don't worry -- I made sure he drank some champagne to ensure a balanced meal.

(See the spider tattoo on his arm? Cool! Like his apron? My idea, she says modestly.)

Monday, October 30, 2006

JS Bonbons. Perhaps that will be my stage name.
I always used to love Kazaa, but have finally tired of having to delete all the extraneous adware.

What do y'all use to download music?

Our costumes are all set for tomorrow. If my mom lets me out of the house dressed like that. Last night we carved the pumpkin - dubbed "Shark Boy" by Ice Prince.

Tonight I am going to a networking event where we learn to make chocolate with JS Bonbons. Those of you who know the Ice Queen will know that I do NOT like to make small talk - this is all about the chocolate.

What else, what else. My mom's birthday is Thursday. She wants a sea theme. I was thinking about getting a fish in a fishbowl as a centrepiece. I'd like a fish, and it would make a good first pet for IP. Or a good appetizer for Leo the Cat. What wine goes with guppy?

Friday, October 27, 2006

Chips and dipwad

Having problems coming up with a costume idea? Help is on the way at this site.

Here’s a quote:

“Allow me to inspire you: One year, I went as a bag of chips. I used two pieces of white cardboard and drew the Humpty Dumpty cartoon character, and my friend "rippled" a round piece of cardboard and went as a chip!”

Err…on second thought, maybe you can come up with better ideas on your own.
Smells like Love!
So Eva has initiated a blogger's Halloween pool party at The Rivoli at 8 pm on Tuesday. Fresh and I will be there, dressed as Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. A guitarist and a trashy train wreck. Some will say typecasting, to which I say - well, duh!

Seriously, you don't want to miss that, do you? Wanna come too? Sure! Just let me or Eva know, so that if we turn out to be a gang of 40 or 50 people we can plan ahead. I think Maria's coming too. I think she should knit herself a costume -- THAT would be cool. Maybe she could come as her lost mitten.

Bonus Track: Smells Like David Miller 2006 Remix (Original from 2003)

A piece on the ol' blamblog inspired a new tune. Brett pondered: If Miller looks like a mayor and thinks like a mayor, does he smell like a mayor? The Icicle Fief went straight to the Ouija Board to ask the world's foremost expert, Kurt Cobain:

Load up on Pez and
Bring your friends
No fun to lose
I won’t pretend
I don’t just run
To pay the rent
Got to go meet
Some constituents

Hello, hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello, hello

Must admit I’ve got great hair
Here I am now
I’m your mayor
Though Babs thinks it unfair
Here I am now
I’m your mayor
They’ve been hintin’
I’m like Clinton
Eating Cheetos
In my speedo

Babs got worse, failed the test
And for this gift I feel blessed
She’s pretty cute though, she’s no hag
She vaguely looks like me in drag

Hello, hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello, hello

Only ran on a dare
Here I am now
I am your mayor
Look sincere, like I care
Here I am now
I’m your mayor
Don’t like jets
Don’t incinerate
Reduce murder
Have some burgers

And why am I
So squeaky clean?
Use Irish Spring
And some Brylcreem
It was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Hello, hello, hello, hello
Hello, hello, hello, hello
Not like Thatcher, more like Blair
Here I am now
I’m your mayor
Did I mention, my great hair?
Here I am now
I’m your mayor
Jane's a pitbull
Drew is pitiful
How 'bout Bob Rae?
(Oops, wrong race, eh?)
Yeah, a denial
A denial
A denial...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Well, I have heard you should rub a puppy's nose in it to teach him...
I really think this product was not well thought out.
Children get older...I'm getting older too.

Spidey has a loose tooth!

And a sweet tooth:

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I will not suggest naughty things for show and tell, even if they are technically correct.

I got Ice Prince in trouble at school yesterday.

It was alphabet show and tell. IP's letter was "D". He's in French immersion.

I suggested "derrière".

I think you can guess how that whole scenario turned out.

Reminds me of Bart's chalkboard detentions. Those starred have or will soon be uttered by Ice Prince. Seriously.

I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"* (IP said "Hi sweetie, how's my girlfriend?" to his teacher.)
They are laughing at me, not with me*
I will not trade pants with others*
I will not do that thing with my tongue*
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not sell land in Florida
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
My name is not Dr. Death*
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not eat things for money*
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce*
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups*
No one is interested in my underpants*
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I am not delightfully saucy*
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed*
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough*
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding*
I will not strut around like I own the place*
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far*
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
No one wants to hear from my armpits*
I am not a lean mean spitting machine*
The boys room is not a water park* (IP actually flooded the bathroom two weeks ago)
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist*
I am not certified to remove asbestos
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I no longer want my MTV
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"*
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
My butt does not deserve a website*
I will not scream for ice cream
I am not a licensed hairstylist
Sherri does not "got back"
No one wants to hear about my sciatica
It does not suck to be you
I cannot absolve sins
I have neither been there nor done that
Fridays are not "pants optional"*
Pork is not a verb
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize*
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge*
I will not surprise the incontinent*
I am not the acting President
I will only provide a urine sample when asked*
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
Sandwiches should not contain sand*

Want more? Here’s where I got ‘em.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Ice Queen's Annual Political Pontification

To Peter: What are you, twelve? Grow up!
To Belinda: An apology? Pul-ease, that didn't even deserve a response from you.

Now both of you please take your balls and go home.

Thank you.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Another Saturday Night and I ain't got no money
Ain't got no money though I just got paid

Everyone’s all “TGIF” at home and at work, and I’m thinking that tomorrow (Saturday) I have:
9:30 Swimming Lessons for Ice Prince
10:30 Go to toy store and purchase Spider-man sticker book as reward for IP’s good behaviour (if he meets requirements)
11:00 Pick up Apples at Civic Centre (It’s Scouts Apple Day)
11:10 Have fight with IP because he wants to play with sticker book, not sell apples
11:15 Go home and play with sticker book
12:30 Bribe IP to sell apples by offering to go for pizza lunch first
1:00 Lunch
2:00 Sell apples (hopefully not door to door)
3:00 Put roast in oven
3:30 return apple money to Civic Centre
5:30 Dinner
6:30 Leave for Girl’s Night. Forgot to get munchies and wine!
6:35 Plunder cellar for wine.
6:45 Plunder cupboards and fridge for snacks. Find only Cheddar Bunnies and Cheese Strings.
6:50 Beg Dad for a lift
7:00 Arrive at Sister Staceypatrick’s. Unwrap Cheese Strings and try to pass off as gourmet treat.
7:15 Try on Skinny pants I gave to SS in 2000. They don’t fit. Get pissed off.
7:30 Sulk. Decline to eat in snit over skinny pants.
7:35 Drown sorrows in wine.
8:43 Sorrows treading water. Eat lots of snacks to cushion alcohol.
9:42 Sorrows down for the count
10:59 Sorrows gone
11:13 Remember wine has calories. Remember skinny pants. Recommence sulk.
11:16 Sulk sequel pre-empted by another glass of wine.
11:22 Contest with Crabby and Sister to see who can make the rudest Cheese String sculpture
Depart by midnight via taxi to avoid turning into a pumpkin.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Oh, please. We know you're in there.

Did you Know it's National Coming Out Day?
My New Favourite Site

Chalkboard Manifesto, found through the lovely and talented Radmila of My Two Second Shelf Life (see left nav, I'm not looking up the link), who currently also has one of the Best. Taglines. Ever.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Just wondering.
The flag at Queen's Park is at 3/4 mast. Does that mean someone important is sick but not quite dead?

Why do they advertise English as a Second Language classes on posters in English?
Alas, everyone’s pants stayed on
Friday, Rannie and I did our photo shoot. It was great fun! We had to hike through some weeds and over some barriers, but I think we’ll have some good shots. One fisherman came over to talk to us and I was disappointed that he wasn’t wearing hip waders because I wanted to ask to borrow them for the shoot. “Would you mind taking off your pants?” – Rannie suggested I say if we saw anyone wearing them.

We had Thanksgiving brunch at my house yesterday, and here’s what I made:
Ham and black-eyed pea soup
Brie, pear and walnut strudel
Blintzes with caramelized apples
Mushroom and asparagus frittata
Sausages with apple, onion and sage
And for dessert
Bête Noire (flourless chocolate cake with ganache – spell check suggests I change that to read “panache”)
Pumpkin Pie

My mother just shakes her head and says “You’re the only person I know who cooks to relax.”

Tomorrow is Ice Prince’s photo day and he also gets invested into Beavers, which means he gets his neckerchief.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Links (Lynx?)
And don't forget www.stuffonmycat.com
AHHHH!!! I forgot it was Catmas! Here's an oldie but goodie:


Cats and Politics. Hot damn, now I'm a REAL blogger!
IQ: I’m here reporting to you live from the Icicle Fief deep in the heart of East York, where an epic election night battle rages between Jack Layton and his moustache.
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Tonight, as we wait for the polls to close at the ungodly hour of 9:30 pm, we will be discussing the issues with our panelists Melody K. columnist at the Globe and Tail, and Leo Tolstoy , Political Analyst at The National Purrs. Thank you both.
Mel: You’re welcome.
Leo: A pleasure, as always. (purrs)
IQ: Let’s start with you, Leo. What do you see as the stand out issues in the 2006 campaign?
Leo: Well, as a cat of altered gender, I feel that the Conservative government would not only put a kibosh on same sex marriage, but on no-sex marriage.
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IQ: That’s funny, I though the Conservatives were all FOR no-sex.
Mel: Ahem!
IQ: Yes, Melody. What do YOU think was the most important issue in 2006.
Mel: Obviously, we cannot ignore the issue of the decriminalization of catnip.
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Leo: rolls his eyes
Mel: But what really grates on my nerves is all these kittens running around with claws.
Leo: I suppose you support declawing.
Mel: Naturally. As a house pet, I believe our claws are entirely unnecessary.
Leo: So you prefer mutilation.
Mel: Looks who taking, eunuch-boy.
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Leo: It’s not like I signed up for this. It was hardly necessary, with you as the only female cat in the house, there was NO temptation.
Mel: Oh yeah? I also want to go on record against methodone clinics.
Leo: Hey, man, don’t slam the clinics!
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Mel: Freebasing Little Friskies again, are we?
Leo: I don’t have to take this kind of abuse. I find pieces of cats like you in my stool. This discussion is over.
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IQ: And there we have it. Another cat fight masquerading as commentary. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Apocalypse.

Leo: Now that a conservative minority has been officially declared, I hereby challenge Harper to compose a cabinet with proportional representation for transgendered cats of colour, such as myself.
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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

FAME! I’m going to live forever.

I’m going to be doing some modelling.

Some of my readers have already participated: Maria, Wendy, Jamie. What’s it like? Does Rannie give you any direction or do you just kind of hang out?

(The story about Maria's photoshoot is classic!)

My place is going to be Étienne Brulé Park at Old Mill Station watching the salmon swim upstream at Thanksgiving. (Yes, I'm difficult, I had to include a time of year as well.) I also had my wedding photos done there and I think my parents did also.

Monday, October 02, 2006

That “Not So Fresh” Feeling.

Fresh. Y’all know Fresh. I love him and he’s so different from me. And yet, we understand each other so well. Or, as I like to say: “You could never leave me. No one else would put up with all your eccentricities.” He could say the same for me, I’m sure.

I’ve been sick lately. “Hee, hee hee, what am I going to do with you?” was Dr. Hibbert’s diagnosis.) So Saturday, I was feeling a bit punk. “Have a bath,” says Fresh, “That’ll make you feel better.”

I agreed. How thoughtful! He knows how much good a hot bath does me. I’d bathe four times a day if I could. I’d be like the Captain of the “B” Ark in Hitchhiker’s.

Anyhow, on Sunday Ice Prince and I got caught in the rain. When we got home, Fresh met us at the door. He took a look and me and said, “You should have a bath, that will warm you up.” I agreed.

As I lay in the tub, it suddenly occurred to me: is Fresh being particularly thoughtful or am I exuding some noxious scent that he is trying in a tactful way to rid me of?

I scrubbed behind my ears and between my toes extra well, just in case.

Douglas Adams was right about giant currency . Marie Curie " I have no dress except the one I wear every day. If you are going to...