The Modern Olympics
I am not athletic (see below) and I don't understand the Olympics. I don't watch them and I find them a total waste of time (except for that cute diver I saw a clip of on the news. Me-ow!)

Anyhow, I was thinking: what's the point in proving you're superior at running or throwing pointy things or swimming? And then it occured to me -- these used to be important life skills. Outrunning an angry mastadon or killing one with your spear was vital. So being the best at these skills really mattered.

Nowadays - not so much.

So if the Olympics are meant to display who is best at important survival skills, what should the Olympics of 2004 really look like?
-Running in heels
-Carrying drycleaning in one hand and an extra large pizza in the other
-Phone tag
-Delegation relay
-Toddler Toy Hurdle With Phone Ringing

I'm tired. You think of some.