Friday, June 20, 2003

It would be so nice.…if we took a holiday…oh yeah…oh yeah…
So, as you know the Ice Queen is going off to the cottage for a week. Not a cabin, a cottage. Very civilized.

I have cute little outfits, I have shades, I have a rented car (a Nissan Nibbler), and today’s payday. Life is fine. My goal this week is to learn to make great lemonade.

Although I fear I may introduce you to something you like better, check out Sugarmama . I think I’ve found a kindred spirit. WARNING: Naked dogs and a dress I wish to purchase. Safe for work, ‘tho.

You may also enjoy RatherGood. Download all the Kitten Band songs and enjoy. The music is great! It’s time consuming, but worth the drive to Acton. “Gay Bar” and “Northern” are my favs. Hey, at work, it’s almost instant downloading! Cool! But loud. Shhhhhhhhhhhh………… quiet, kittens!

Okay, now everyone’s staring at me.

So, I’ll be back on July 2nd, although you may hear from me before hand if it pours rain all week and the library has High Speed. But doubtful.

Oh, and next Sunday is my 12th Wedding Anniversary. The traditional gifts for a 12th Wedding Anniversary are Silk and Linen. Cool. So keep those tea towels coming.

Friday Five ( as seen on Crabbyvision):
1. If you had to name a car, (to sell, not a personal name) what would you name it?
The Ford Foresight
The Chrysler Crabby
The Honda Housebroken
The Nissan Nibbler
2. What would you autobiography be called?
One Wedding , One Birth and 18,000 pairs of nylons
3. If there were a YOU TV Channel, what shows would be on it?
Whose Line, Jon Stewart, SNL reruns, Simpsons, Adam Sandler movies, West Wing, and Weather instead of commercials
4. Why does religion exist in so many cultures?
The need to feel taken care of.
5. What’s your favourite musical?
Pirates of Penzance with Kevin Kline and Rex Smith
"Orphen as in one who who no parents or or'fen as in frequently?"
"Oh is there not one maiden here who's homely face and bad complexion have caused all hope to disappear of ever winning man's affection?"

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Go, Go Gadget Legs!
So, Boomer and I were talking the other day about hotdog vendor dogs and all the different things they get called:
Street Meat
Tube Steak
Smog Dog
Do you know any more?

I’m going on vacation next week, so I’m trying to avoid getting any new work. Now, I have time to blog and nothing to say.

I had lunch with a work colleague, who is very sweet, but his favourite expression is “Wowsers!”

I think French Stewart made a much better Inspector Gadget, even though I like Matthew Broderick better.

Does anyone remember Sarah Jessica Parker back when she was in the tv show Square Pegs? Jami Gertz was also on that show – she ended up suing Ally McBeal for embarrassing her on one episode.

We were flipping channels the other day and Fresh didn’t know that Tom Hanks used to play a cross dresser on Bosom Buddies.

What was the first music video you ever saw? I remember I used to watch Solid Gold in Grade Six, and they showed a “Music Video” (with a story, not just film of a performance!) It was Billy Joel doing Sometimes a Fantasy. And it was kinda racy. It was all the talk of the schoolyard the next day. Remember the Solid Gold Dancers?

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

He said what?!
So I'm listening to Prince's Purple Rain on my headphones...Had to buy it to use a song for the big luncheon.

Anyhow, I don't remember these lyrics:
"Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look for the purple banana 'til they put us in the truck"

Really. The liner notes confirm it.

So I’m walking to my office building and I suddenly smell it – Ex-whiff. You know, the smell of the Canadian National Exhibition in Toronto. So many happy memories came flooding back:

1. Ice Cream Waffles
2. Tiny Tom Donuts
3. The Food Building circa 1977
4. “Doggie, doggie!”
5. The smell – fried onions, mainly
6. The international building – inappropriately filled with wool sweaters
7. The Better Living Building – with everything gadget and piece of crap “as advertised on TV!” They still sell chamois (pronounced shammies).
8. The Horse Building. We showed horses when I was a kid, so we spent a lot of time here.
9. Lavender. Every building seemed to have a lavender cart at each doorway.
10. Squirt Guns – the only game I could win
11. The Tilt-a-Whirl
12. The Night. The lights, the pop music, the warm summer air.

Now I’m all choked up. Talk amongst yourselves.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Pretty, I Feel Bad that You Feel.....Unwell.
Do you write sappy poems? Do you have a hankering for Kansas City? Then I've found the job for you!

Try one of the exercises and post it here!

Are You The Eggman or Are You The Walrus?

Monday, June 16, 2003

Fezzes I Have Known and Loved
If you’ve seen any clips from That 70s Show, you’ve seen Fez, the foreign exchange student. He’s supposed to be a nerd, but he’s hot. Or maybe I just have eclectic tastes. Spike from Buffy also drives me round the bend. Is it the accent?

I am reminded of Gunter, my first foreign exchange crush. He sat next to me in Economics class. And he had – gasp—an earring! Oh course, there was some discussion as to his proclivities (Glencoe, 1984, tractors on main street – not exactly progressive), but we had a satellite dish at home and I'd seen MTV. To me he was like George Michael (who subsequently admitted to such proclivities himself, but it still lovely to look at.)

Next was Olaf, the Swedish F. Ex. student I went to the prom with. I remember he was going back and had to legally serve a year in the army. How romantic. (Romantic, because Sweden wasn’t attacking many countries in the 80s, so it was more like the Peace Corps.) I wasn’t in love with him, but hey! Date for the prom! Did you go to your prom? Our theme (chosen by moi) was Heaven. The theme song was Heaven by Bryan Adams and we ended with Stairway to Heaven. Fresh’s prom song was Forever Young, which ultimately is much cooler.

Fresh does not have an accent, but can do a mean Kermit the Frog impression. Which isn’t sexy but does make me laugh, and you know what they say about making a girl laugh…..

What’s Playing in My Head: Forever Young by Alphaville

Friday, June 13, 2003

Happy Friday the 13th!

I’m back! The luncheon was a big success. Yay, me!

So as I emerge from my event planning coma, I realize that I do not have time to send my dad a Father’s Day card. Even by Expresspost. This makes me sad. I will, of course, call him.

I was talking to Dad on the phone last night. His main concern was “How’s that grass seed working out for you?” (he helped Fresh put down some seed last month.) I guess that’s how Dads say “I love you.”

Does your dad say I love you? If so, how? Fresh tells Ice Prince he loves him, but I.P. is too young to find this embarrassing yet.

Other ways my Dad says “I love you”:
“Have you checked the tire pressure on the wagon lately?”
“Have you become a vegetarian?”
“You should get this new staple gun.” (drives to five Canadian Tires to find it for me)

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Quote of the Day: On going to war over religion
You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Someday My Prince Will Come
My photographer's been seconded, my Intranet site's server seems to be toasted, my .tifs are fuzzy, I need to buy the Purple Rain soundtrack in the next hour.... and my luncheon's tomorrow.

I need a drink!

(Yes, Chip, that says TIFS . Get your mind out of the gutter.)
I am great roaring busy today and tomorrow, so probably no posts.

The one thing I was going to post about was said perfectly by Sister Staceypatrick, so........what she said.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

We're Fresh Obsessed!

Googlism introduces you to Fresh, the Ice Queen's consort:
fresh is best when it comes to choosing the perfect dip
fresh is the global disco funk machine
fresh is made from 100% natural pine wood
fresh is only $59
fresh is extremely serious about protecting your privacy
fresh is also a fungicidal which controls the problems which spread infections such as tinea pedis
fresh is the nimble journey of one young boy through the perilous pavement of the inner city
fresh is at the age where he has an understanding of his surroundings but he has not yet developed a grasp on his own consciousness
fresh is needed
fresh is a pet odor eliminator unlike anything you've seen or used before
fresh is what it's all about

I love this site! It's like instant poetry!

Monday, June 09, 2003

Googlisms. All the cool kids are doing it......
boomer is from my very first litter
crabby is funny but not tasty like cheese products
sister is dating a goy
chip is in the wind chip is fast mover chip is the start of a new chip is looking like a monster

All of the above are true googlisms. Go! Try! Fun for the whole family!
It's a Googlism!

ice queen is seriously hurt
ice queen is evil
ice queen is a swashbuckling tale of adventure on the high seas
ice queen is truly one of dolls
ice queen is available for custom shoots
ice queen is cold and hard
ice queen is very vain and refuses to be upstaged by anyone
ice queen is also a very skilled business woman
ice queen is pleased that her minions have brought her more superpowered minions
ice queen is a very well furred doe with depth to burn
ice queen is declared an enemy of the snake people
ice queen is incredulous by this request
ice queen is copyright 6 april 2000
ice queen is a strawberry refrigerator cake with strawberry butter filling and boiled meringue icing
ice queen is probably living in a house overlooking the beach at maui while her unlucky husband begs for sex through the locked bedroom door
ice queen is still vulnerable to that which gets us all in the end
ice queen is fairly difficult to defeat
ice queen is a few snowballs short of an igloo
ice queen is actually blushing

Increase Site Hits with Naughty Words!
So I installed this new tracker on my blog to see where people are coming from.

Over the weekend I got several hits from google, including searches on:
"how to hot wire a car"
"queen" + "pimpin"

I didn't relaize I had such a corrupt site. I really must modify my discussion topics.


Friday, June 06, 2003

Tandoori Midnight, Part One
Sister came for supper last night with me and the Ice Prince. We had Indian. This will be important later.

I.P. did his full repertoire and added Kumbaya, which I didn’t know he knew. Sister taught him to say “Mazel Tom.” Well, that’s how it came out. I.P. asked her to read to him and chose “Grover’s Very Bad Awful Day”, which was either very insightful or very insensitive.

But there’s another story to tell today:
Tandoori Midnight, Part Two
I’ve been sleeping fitfully lately. Anyhow, here’s how last night went.
Midnight mmm…my hands smell like tandoori
1:00 am hmmmm? I didn’t touch any tandoori.
1:15 am oh yeah, I ate the naan with my hands
1:30 am i thought I washed my hands
1:45 am i can really smell the tandoori. huh.
2:00 am sirens. no more sirens
2:05 am ummmm… it sounds like big motors outside the house open eyes “Frank, there are three firetrucks outside our house!”
Frank: “ Mmmm? Yeah, Leo’s outside. He’s going to get wet.”
Me: “I think that’s the least of our worries right now.”
Tandoori Midnight, Part Three
So it turns out our neighbours’ house was on fire and there was smoke pouring out of it. The attic wiring for their new air conditioning system had caught fire. The firemen pulled all sorts of scorched insulation and burning wood bits and piled it in our mutual driveway. I stood there wringing my hands while Frank talked to people who stood shivering in their housecoats. Ice Prince didn’t wake up at all. Nobody was hurt. The firemen should probably get danger pay for having a hysterical Greek woman yell at them while they’re trying to do their jobs.

So I slept about an hour. I’m tired and wired. I’ll just sit and sip my triple espresso non-fat latte and thank the stars that we opted for a roof this year instead of air conditioning. Thanks, stars.

Ironic footnote: This is the same neighbour who had a paranoid hissy fit last year when we had the gas pipe brought around the side of our house for our BBQ. She was sure it was a fire hazard.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

I Did My Homework: The Soundtrack of My Life

Age – Song
0-12 Brown-Eyed Girl
13-15 Is She Really Going Out with Him?
16-18 The Best Was Yet to Come
19-22 Somebody to Love
22-28 Working for the Weekend, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
28-32 Our House “with two cats in the yard”
32 Beautiful Boy
33 He Drives Me Crazy + Red, Red Wine
34 Good Mother
35 The Authority Song
36 Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades
37- 55 Pretty Woman Taking Care of Business
50 RESP (ECT) – Ice Prince goes to University
(Freedom) 55 Footloose
80 Hokey Pokey
85 I Wanna be Sedated
Death It’s the End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine). I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Wake Up And Smell the Wednesday


1. Give a Hoot
Tell three people you know and like about the Icicle Fief. We need new blood for the days when Boomer’s tongue is caught by a cat, Sister and Crabby have migraines, Beco’s on honeymoon, Chip’s unpacking, Dear Friend Dave is off becoming famous and the other lurkers are, well, lurking I guess. Spread the joy!
2. Soundtrack of Your Life
We’re watching of movie of your life from birth to death. What songs would you choose to represent each stage or key event in your life? If you aren’t dead yet, feel free to imagine, but make it good!

Now go forth.

The Continuation of List-a-palooza

Things I Like that Most People Don’t
Brussels Sprouts
All kinds of mushrooms
All kinds of seafood
Goat cheese

Things I Don’t Like That Most People Do
Tuna Fish Sandwiches
Salmon Sandwiches
Egg Salad Sandwiches
Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Five “Spices” I Couldn’t Live Without (assuming Salt and Pepper as a given.)

Six Careers I Would’ve Liked to Try

Things To Do Before I Die
Skinny dip
Stand Up Comedy

Things I’d Rather Die Than Do

List Day in the Fief

Feel free to start your own or add to mine.

Skills every child should know:
How to use chopsticks
How to open a door with a credit card
How to hot wire a car
How to get red wine stains out of white carpet
How to drive on black ice
How to cook
How to fix a car, or a least know what needs fixing
How to choose an avocado
How to fold a fitted sheet (sadly, I still have no clue and ball them up)

Rejected Songs for my Gala Supplier Appreciation Luncheon
Big Pimpin’
Gonna Make You Sweat
A Little Less Conversation
The Thong Song
Build Me Up Buttercup
You Never Give Me Your Money

Monday, June 02, 2003

Bring Me Another Small Shellfish, Ms. Cohen-Hellas....

In response to Crabby saying there's probably an appropriate Python song for my gala event, everytime I think my career is a little dull, I think of the Accountant-Sea song. Everybody sing!

Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!

It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!

It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!

Oh, this is fun, Mr. Cohen!

In Which The Ice Queen Gets You To Do Her Work For Her
I need a song. A happy celebratory song as a theme song for an awards luncheon we are having.
We Are the Champions
Simply the Best
Wind Beneath My Wings
Celebration Time (C'mon let's Celebrate)
and other such overused tripe (my apologies to Freddie, youknow I love you)

Well? I tried googling and found this, which is amusing but not helpful.


Great Expectations, Bad Fulfillment
Saw Dr. Strangelove this weekend and was extremely disappointed. Are my standards too high? I think not.

So here it is: Ice Queen’s A-Z Must See Movie List. Help me fill it in. If I agree, I'll add it, with credit.
Desperado (if only for the first 15 minutes)
(The) Full Monty
Happy Gilmore
Muriel’s Wedding
Office Space
Princess Bride
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Truly, Madly, Deeply
(The) Wedding Singer
X (I haven't seen X-men but i did see Xanadu)

If haven't see these, go to your local purveyor of fine video entertainment tonight. Tell them the Ice Queen sent you.

Douglas Adams was right about giant currency . Marie Curie " I have no dress except the one I wear every day. If you are going to...