Ice Queen's Debate Summary
Stephen Harper: Has been studying old tapes of Mulroney and Kennedy. Excellent delivery. Calm under pressure. Nice hair. Shame about their platform. The 21st Century called. You’re invited to join us.
Paul Martin: Too well-briefed by his handlers and unable to ad lib where necessary. Too many mentions of the Royal Commission. All the years of being PM in waiting and now this?! Say it ain’t so! Chretien called. And laughed his ass off.
Jack Layton: Lovin’ the camera. Ooooo, yeah, who’s your daddy? Smiled so much at the camera, he almost appeared to be mocking the audience. Dr. McGillicuddy’s Travelling Circus called. They want their snake oil back.
Gilles Duceppe: I’m a sucker for an accent. Hey wait! There's no Bloc candidate in my riding. What a rip!
Result: I’m voting Green. Which is funny, because if they had actually included the Green Party leader, I might have changed my mind based on what he said. As is, I’m going by a lovely pamphlet. And I read that if the Green Party gets enough of the vote (2%? 4%? I have a short attention span) that they get funding for research. They’ll get something like $1.25 per vote. You’re welcome, Jim.