Tuesday, June 08, 2004

The Ice Queen's Canadian Election Special

Having trouble deciding like me? Here's your handy dandy guide to the OTHER political parties in Canada. (Outlaw, not sure what party you thought made us famous. Wasn't the Greens. We did have a party a while back that involved magician Doug Henning levitating himself....we Canadians are wacky folk.)

Parti Citron: Sour to the People! For a bitter Canada, vote lemon!
Platform:
”Paul Martin says he likes lemons, but we see through desperation. As Finance minister for 8 years, Martin did diddley squat to protect and promote our greatest natural resource. Come election time, the Prime Minister is quick to project a pro-lemon image, but his record is clear. Canadians can expect neither responsibility nor crates of lemons with Paul Martin's Liberals.”

Rhinoceros Party
Folded in 1993, but their platform included:
Lower the boiling point of water to save energy, count the Thousand Islands to make sure none were missing, repeal the laws of gravity and breed mosquitoes to hatch in January “so the little buggers freeze to death.”

The Absolutely Absurd Party
Platform:
1. Reduce the legal voting age to 14. "When was the last time a 14 yr old started a war?"
2. “All free trade issues be they with The United States, Mexico or any other Country will deal only with the all-important matter of Breakfast and Lunch. We plan to rewrite the NAFTA agreement to state that Mexico and The USA must supply all Canadians with that all-important first meal of the day: Breakfast. In turn we will supply them with that less then important meal lunch. In fact our negotiation team is presently drafting a deal where The USA and Mexico will supply us with a free all you can eat Brunch and we supply them with a cheap $0.69 Burger with small fries, drink extra.”
3. Streamline the Department of Defense by replacing the Department with a crack, elite squad of Rock/Paper/Scissors

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