It's Tunes on Monday!

This one is inspired by Crabby's suggested title: House of Splenda. Okay, it's a bit self-depreciating, but after four months of couch rest, what do you expect? Besides, just a few more tests and I can start running again if I stay well. Hurrah! Pride Run, here I come!

House of Splenda
(to the tune of House of the Rising Sun, natch!)
There is a house in the Beaches.
Where the Merlot flows like rum
And it's been the ruin of many a Queen
And God I know I'm one.

Well Crabby’s been on Atkins
She’ll need some new bluejeans
And Mr. Crab has lost some flab
He’s now a lean machine

Now the only thing a Queen doth need
Is stockings and a crown
And if my stockings get a run
Then all I’ll do is frown

Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
My skirt’s too tight, it’s time for flight
To the House of the Splenda, son.

With one foot on the bedpost
And the other foot on the floor
Can’t squeeze my ass (thanks to that Wolf Blass)
Into my dress no more

There is a house in the Beaches
Where the Merlot flows like rum
And it's been the ruin of many a Queen
And thank God I am one.