IQ: I’m here reporting to you live from the Icicle Fief deep in the heart of East York, where an epic election night battle rages between Jack Layton and his moustache.
Tonight, as we wait for the polls to close at the ungodly hour of 9:30 pm, we will be discussing the issues with our panelists Melody K. columnist at the Globe and Tail, and Leo Tolstoy , Political Analyst at The National Purrs. Thank you both.
Mel: You’re welcome.
Leo: A pleasure, as always. (purrs)
IQ: Let’s start with you, Leo. What do you see as the stand out issues in the 2006 campaign?
Leo: Well, as a cat of altered gender, I feel that the Conservative government would not only put a kibosh on same sex marriage, but on no-sex marriage.
IQ: That’s funny, I though the Conservatives were all FOR no-sex.
Mel: Ahem!
IQ: Yes, Melody. What do YOU think was the most important issue in 2006.
Mel: Obviously, we cannot ignore the issue of the decriminalization of catnip.
Leo: rolls his eyes
Mel: But what really grates on my nerves is all these kittens running around with claws.
Leo: I suppose you support declawing.
Mel: Naturally. As a house pet, I believe our claws are entirely unnecessary.
Leo: So you prefer mutilation.
Mel: Looks who taking, eunuch-boy.
Leo: It’s not like I signed up for this. It was hardly necessary, with you as the only female cat in the house, there was NO temptation.
Mel: Oh yeah? I also want to go on record against methodone clinics.
Leo: Hey, man, don’t slam the clinics!
Mel: Freebasing Little Friskies again, are we?
Leo: I don’t have to take this kind of abuse. I find pieces of cats like you in my stool. This discussion is over.
IQ: And there we have it. Another cat fight masquerading as commentary. We now return you to your regularly schedule Apocalypse.
UPDATE:
Leo: Now that a conservative minority has been officially declared, I hereby challenge Harper to compose a cabinet with proportional representation for transgendered cats of colour, such as myself.
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