And for all the children of the world to join hands....
Real Press Release Excerpt: “The National Parenting Center (TNPC) has given a big thumbs up to FunSlides on their newly posted list of approved holiday toys. Strapped onto to any athletic shoes, FunSlides are designed to glide over carpet. Product testers especially appreciated the physical exercise FunSlides offer kids age 6 and up. And, the TNPC said parents liked how enthusiastic their kids were about the opportunity to get up and move!”

Is the TNPC chaired by Irwin Mainway? What the? I don’t know about you, but there is no room in my house where sliding across the rug would not result in you hitting something very hard, something very breakable, or possibly both. So I can see why kids would like it, but parents? And what kind of fat ass kid are you if sliding ten feet across your living room is considered good exercise? Do kids not normally have the opportunity to get up and move? What if the batteries are dead on the convertor?

Ice Prince is getting much safer things, from Mainway Toys:
• Pretty Peggy Ear-Piercing Set
• Mr. Skin-Grafter
• General Tron's Secret Police Confession Kit
• Doggie Dentist
• Johnny Switchblade: Adventure Punk
• Bag O' Glass (We put a label on every bag that says, "Kid! Be careful - broken glass!")
• Bag O' Nails
• Bag O' Bugs
• Bag O' Vipers
• Bag O' Sulfuric Acid
• Invisible Pedestrian Costume ("It says right here - 'not for blind kids!'")