Friday, October 28, 2005

Insert Klingons Circling Uranus Joke Here
Breaking News, but sorry, boys, he's taken.
I’ve got nothin’
I’ve spent all morning trying to come up with a WTF Day post, but I can’t.

I can’t pretend to be someone else. I’m too much enamoured of ME. And you are too. That’s why you’re here.

Instead, I decided to take part in HNT a day late, and just got caught by a colleague with my head in the scanner.

“Are you trying to scan your head?” she asked.
“Maybe, “ I said.

Strangely, that was the end of the conversation.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

"If it's too hard, it's not worth doing."
Last year I attempted NaNoWriMo, in which you write a 50,000 story in one month.
I failed. But had fun.
That’s why THIS year, I’m hopping on the Defective Yeti bandwagon for:

“WriAShorStorWe
"The NaNoWriMo For Lazy People&trade!"
Yes kids, October 31-November 4 is the blogosphere's first annual Write A Short Story Week!
Here's how it works: ummm, you write a short story. In a week. The End.”


The goal is a total of 5,000 words.
I will be continuing with my Harlequeen Romance. When we last left the story, Dante had hired Stacey and Mikael had hired Clara, both for the same job. Oh, the hijinks that will ensue!

The site has blogger-run comments, which are suddenly attracting spam about dog clothing. I find the spam amusing and will probably leave it for now. (I dislike dogs, and dislike dogs in clothing even more.)
Good Cop/Bad Cop

WTF?!
Over at Mikevil’s site, there’s some rant (justified) over a blogger who was not who he pretended to be. No one was hurt, but it’s still an emotional shock.

Anyhow, in honour of this discovery, tomorrow will be “Write a Total Fiction (WTF) Day.” It’ll be fun. You can write fake stuff, or write as a totally different person. Post pictures of people and pretend you’ve slept with them! Make up pets! Land jobs you aren’t qualified for! I’m beginning to see the appeal already.

Go forth and be creative. And spread the word.

Seriously. WTF Day. Coming to a screen near you on Friday October 28th.

Bling Fit For a Queen
In happier news, Lilly sent me a gorgeous ring for sending her some logo mock-ups. And those were only my initial ideas! The ring isn’t on her site, so you can’t have your very own Icy Ring. It’s got copper wire and raisin and ice-green coloured beads. Hang on, I’ll scan it.

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Thank you, Lilly! You prove that there are good bloggers out there.

Want to buy some fab bling? Go visit Lily Trinkets. Christmas is coming, as is abundantly clear by the little Sanata bouncing around my living room. Yes, Ice Prince is being Santa for Halloween. I made him a sleigh last night. Photos on Monday, maybe.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Trick or Treat
Icy, you may ask, it's the Halloween season. What fantastically creepy treat are you making for Ice Prince's class party?

See for yourself.
How Long Do You Think I Can Milk This One?
A Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince After School Special

So y’all know Ice Prince (aged 4 and 5/6ths) is a big Elf fan. He has also watched The Santa Clause and his daddy is practising Christmas carols on the guitar. This adds up to SANTA MANIA chez ice.

The scene: Ice Prince is refusing to eat his dinner – rotini in tomato sauce with no green things.
IP: It’s yucky! Mommy, can I ride in Santa’s sleigh?
IQ: No.
Fresh: Eat your dinner, it’s good.
IP: Is Santa coming tomorrow?
Fresh: No. Eat up or there’ll be no brownie for dessert. Mommy makes the best brownies.
IP: I DON’T LIKE IT!
IQ: Hey, remember that song in Elf that they sing at the end “Santa Claus is coming to Town”?
IP: Yeah! “You better watch out..”
IQ: Do you remember the part that goes “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been BAD or GOOD..”
IP: If you’re bad, you go on the naughty list.
IQ: Yep. So, tell me, do you think Santa would think not eating your dinner is naughty or nice?
Ice Prince’s eyes grow wide in horror.
IP: Nnnnnaughty?
IQ: Maybe. I can’t speak for Santa.
IP: Let’s put it in the composter.
IQ: Santa would know. “He sees you…” remember?
IP: The garbage?
IQ: No.
IP: The fridge! It’s really noisy! He won’t hear me do it.
IQ: You can’t scam Santa, kiddo.
IP: Can we leave it for Santa to eat?
IQ: You’re confusing your pasta with milk and cookies. Anyway, it’s bedtime. Tell you what. Maybe if you eat all your supper tomorrow maybe you’ll get back on the nice list.
IP: Mommy?
IQ: Yes?
IP: Do you have the phone number for the north pole?
IQ: No, why?
IP: I want to call to see if Santa has an eraser. To erase my name from the naughty list. We’ll call.
IQ: His number’s unlisted. But I’ll check the FAQs on his website tomorrow, okay?
IP: Okay. Mommy?
IQ: Yes?
IP: What are we having for dinner tomorrow?

Friday, October 21, 2005

I Can Feel It Coming in the Air Tonight...
Sick, as I figured. Home today and should be fine soon. After a day of sleeping. I blame Clara and Accordian Guy, both of whom I've never met.

Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic:

What was your favourite Ice Queen post and why? Do you like the songs and the Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince? What do you want to see more of?

I am the Queen, but I aim to please. If I feel like it.

Happy fall weekend. Go frolic in the leaves!

Monday, October 17, 2005

No more Will Ferrell for YOU, Young Man!
Ice Prince and I were sitting quietly yesterday.
IP: Mommy?
IQ: Yes sweetie?
IP: I want to tell you something in your ear.
I lean over.
IP: You don't smell like Mommy, you smell like beef and cheese!
IP dissolves in a fit of giggles.

Could be worse. Rob Schneider could be his new hero.
In the News

"Mary Kate Pulls Out of NYU" -- Toronto Star

I guess she heard withdrawal was one way to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Wreck of an Ice Queen Who Feels Cold
(to the tune of Gordon Lightfoot’s Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald)

The legend lives on from the 401 down
Of the working mom they called the Ice Queen
She’d been riding her bike, which she’d started to like
When the skies of October turned gloomy
The drizzle was fine, and she still made good time
But the cold biting wind made her worried
“I must keep my thighs to a reasonable size
When the gales of November come early!”

She decided a gym could help her stay slim
Well, maybe not slim, but not wheezin’
As the big asses go, hers was bigger than most
(Not true, but sounds good, so I’m leavin’ it.)
So she called around to see what could be found
And the prices, they were less than pleasin’
She googled and heard one behaved like a turd
Pay up or your assets they’re freezin’

She found one nearby, thought she’d give it a try
So she dropped by to give it a gander
There were six feet of forms, and that’s hardly the norm
(Won’t name names, I’ll get sued for slander)
The décor it was morgue and the clientele Borg
They looked like they hadn’t smiled lately
When she choked at the price, they tried to play nice
“We’ll give you three weekdays for 80”

The Ice Queen was sad, and perhaps a bit mad
When the next day they asked “When you joining?”
The west winds they blew, in her heart Ice Queen knew
The weather would get more annoying
She remembered a place she had passed on her way
Many times without second thought
It didn’t look swank, and perhaps a bit rank
But the benefits outweighed the bad stuff

So she gave them a call (not so easy at all
If you know why the Ice Queen is named so
Talking to the unwashed makes her just want to toss
I suspect she will always remain so)
But she just bit her tongue so as to get the job done
And found it was not so distasteful
The location sure rocked – heck from home she could walk!
She would save TTC, not be wasteful

Suffice it to say, that in every small way
The new gym was better than believed
She sucked in her breath when she asked for the price
And then nearly laughed with relief
The price was so low (Ha! The same price you know
To rent just a locker at elsewhere!)
And the people were nice, even to our Miss Ice
So she signed up right then and there

So although Icy’s ass has had too much Wolf Blass
There’s hope for her yet, ere the wind blows
She’ll continue to shrink, at least that’s what she thinks
As she dreams of needing all new clothes
The legend lives on from the 401 down
Of the working mom they call Ice Queen
She’ll be hitting the weights and the treadmills and bikes
When the gales of November come early

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Ice Queen Seeks Hobby
I’ve always wanted to have a cool hobby. Sister Staceypatrick has bellydancing, and wants me to join, but I can’t. It’s her thing. It would be like going bike riding with Lance Armstrong or doing improv with Robin Williams.

But I found something unique. Something no one else does that could be MINE! What do you think?

I was really only joking…but maybe it’s not so crazy after all. Well, okay, it is crazy. That’s what I like about it.
Ice Prince Reveals All

IQ: What is this?
IP: It's a house!
IQ: What's the purple thing?
IP: Oh, man, the grey thing fell off! That was supposed to be the door. So the purple thing will have to be the door now.
IQ: And the green stuff?
IP: Grass!

So the winner is congee who at least managed to guess the grass part. E-mail me at screamforicequeenATgmailDOTcom to arrange for your conversational gesture lunch!

Thanks for playing. And hey, if you want to join congee and I for lunch, e-mail me. But I'm not buying for everyone. Sheesh!
LAST CHANCE TO WIN!

Ice Prince has spoken.

So far, no one has the correct answer for the Name the Subject of the Objet D'Art Contest (see below for details.) I'll give you until noon today before I reveal the answer. And a lunch prize will be awarded anyway to whoever I deem to be closest.

Think outside the box.

Get it? Think outside the BOX? Man, I just crack myself up.)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I Drew You a Picture.
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Another Ice Queen Contest

Ice Prince brought this objet d’art home with him last night.

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First of all, I don’t like the idea of the school sending home garbage with my son. Second of all, I don’t like my son finding out that other Moms don’t love their kids enough to bake a cake from scratch. Really, education like that should be left up to the parents so that they can ascertain when their child is of the right age to accept such shocking news.

Anyhow, the contest is this:
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?

I will ask Ice Prince tonight. Whoever is closest to his answer wins a Conversational Gesture Lunch with the Ice Queen (transportation and alcohol not included).

Post your answers in the comments below for your chance to WIN!

(Note: I can't guarantee it's right-side up in this photo.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Things Buddy says in the movie Elf that could be mistaken for things the Ice Prince would say

Buddy: I'm singing/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!
Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!
Buddy: Yes there is!
Gimbel's Manager: No there's not!
Buddy: We sing all the time!

Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favourite

Buddy: Francisco! That's fun to say! Francisco... Frannncisco... Franciscooo...

Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security.
Deb: [whispering] Good idea.
Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too!

Buddy: First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.

Buddy: [reading the note he left on the etch-a-sketch] "I'm sorry I ruined your lives, and crammed eleven cookies into the VCR."

Buddy: Good news! I saw a dog today!
”I Believe I Can Flyyyyy…I Believe I Can Touch the Skyyyyy….”
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Go visit Eva to read her Conversational and Gesturing Post (Eva has a link to explain) about our lunch on Friday. Look! You finally get to see my new hairdo!

The weekend was too bloody busy by half. Thanksgiving dinner with the inlaws was fine. Standard turkey and fixings. But yesterday, My Aunt and Uncle were over for brunch and I made:
Pumpkin Soup with Indian spicing
Homemade focaccia
Baked goat cheese and weed salad with walnuts and a balsamic vinaigrette
Mushroom Asparagus Frittata
Deconstructionist Ravioli with Pumpkin and Marscapone filling and a sage beurre blanc (my own recipe)

It rocked. Oh, and I made Ice Prince pancakes.

Watched ELF with Will Ferrell last night (the movie had Will Ferrell in it, he wasn’t in our living room watching it). Did you see it? Ice Prince IS Buddy. The scene in the doctor’s office was vintage Ice Prince. The last third was a bit lame. But I generally liked it.

Time for more coffee!

Friday, October 07, 2005

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!
One more thing before I skiff off early to St Lawrence Market.

I had lunch with Eva today downtown. Does anyone know what the first thing she said was? It's the first thing Maria said, and the first thing Mikeveil said upon meeting me.

"I can't believe you're actually wearing the tiara."

On my way to meet Eva, a guy in a store looked out at me and ribbetted. Took me a minute to get that, but when I did I laughed!

Eva will be posting a Conversational Post with Gesturing Pictures as part ofthe October Blamblog Challenge. Watch for it!

I gave Eva the Mix CD she won: Ice Picks 2005: the Eva Mix and she gave me one in return: Long Live The Queen! I suggested we do CD reviews of each, but hers is much more innovative than mine.

That's all. Can I go now?
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!
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Tigger took advantage of the moment when everyone closed their eyes to say grace.

Mitzi has promised to check back and do more fortunes on Monday if anyone else is interested. Then she has to fly to Geneva on Tuesday to lecture on Wines That Go Well With The African Swallow (Unencumbered) at the Université de Chats Sages.
Mitzi Sees All!
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In honour of Blogacatmas day, Mitzi the Cat With Halitosis® will read your fortune. (Note Mitzi is not MY cat, but has offered to help out on this special occasion.)

Sooo….pick a card from the deck. Any card. Don’t look at it, but concentrate…..concentrate. Now ask a question (in the comments) and Mitzi will reveal what your card was and how it sheds light on your question. (Sheds – get it? Love that cat humour.)

Who’s first?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Merry Catmas Eve Eve
According to Accordion Guy, Friday is Blogacatmas, whereby all bloggers must post cat pictures. The funnier, the better.

Go forth and prepare!
Dr. Tongue’s 3-D House of Horror
(the title's irrelevant, but I like it.)
I haven’t written much lately, I know.

I was up for a job I really wanted, but ultimately the President and I didn’t hit it off. (a) he didn’t smile at any of my jokes or witticisms and b) he made a comment about women not staying in the workforce for very long. So I’m here at the Behemoth still. I like it here, but I need a new challenge. Actually, what I need is praise and attention. Look at me! Look at me!

I wrote a bitchin’ speech for a Senior VP here and he loved it. He gave it last night, but I wasn’t there. But he did write me a thank you note this morning.

Thanksgiving the inlaws are coming for dinner, but they don’t like my fancy cooking. Sigh. I hate turkey. Maybe I’ll stuff it with something innovative. Actually, there is a Victorian recipe that involves…hang on…I’ll go find it.

Can’t find it. Anyhow, it was something like: a lark, stuffed in a pigeon, stuffed in a chicken, stuffed in a turkey. Wild, eh?

What else….Mom and Dad are moving back to our place for the winter next week and Mom will be picking Ice Prince up at school and doing daycare for the afternoon. No clue what we’ll do when they go back up north in May. Oh well. I’ll think about that later.

See? Dull, dull. That’s why I haven’t written.

Today I was invited to a luncheon with all the executives, but turns out I’m supposed to be shilling the corporate charity to convince the execs to give big. No one told me until AFTER I’d RSVP’d. Yeah, I’m so charming and convincing. Maybe the inviters don’t know me personally? Boomer stills speaks of the people here who are scared of me. Silly people.

BOO!

Oh, and I’ve been getting lots of hits on the site looking for Ice Queen Costume, as usual, so here you go:
Black Dress
Black Nylons
Black Medium Heels
Red long hair
Bottle of red wine
Wooden Spoon
Bicycle Helmet

Everyone will know exactly who you are. If you win any costume prizes for this, I get a cut.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Better, thanks.
Boomer took me for coffee.
The Food Network is free for the month of October.
And Fresh wrote me a song on Thursday night while I was out. It's so sweet! And it's NOT called "Bitch, Why Did You Leave Me At Home With The Kid While You Went Out Drinking With Your Girlfriends."