How Long Do You Think I Can Milk This One?
A Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince After School Special
So y’all know Ice Prince (aged 4 and 5/6ths) is a big Elf fan. He has also watched The Santa Clause and his daddy is practising Christmas carols on the guitar. This adds up to SANTA MANIA chez ice.
The scene: Ice Prince is refusing to eat his dinner – rotini in tomato sauce with no green things.
IP: It’s yucky! Mommy, can I ride in Santa’s sleigh?
Fresh: Eat your dinner, it’s good.
IP: Is Santa coming tomorrow?
Fresh: No. Eat up or there’ll be no brownie for dessert. Mommy makes the best brownies.
IP: I DON’T LIKE IT!
IQ: Hey, remember that song in Elf that they sing at the end “Santa Claus is coming to Town”?
IP: Yeah! “You better watch out..”
IQ: Do you remember the part that goes “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been BAD or GOOD..”
IP: If you’re bad, you go on the naughty list.
IQ: Yep. So, tell me, do you think Santa would think not eating your dinner is naughty or nice?
Ice Prince’s eyes grow wide in horror.
IQ: Maybe. I can’t speak for Santa.
IP: Let’s put it in the composter.
IQ: Santa would know. “He sees you…” remember?
IP: The garbage?
IP: The fridge! It’s really noisy! He won’t hear me do it.
IQ: You can’t scam Santa, kiddo.
IP: Can we leave it for Santa to eat?
IQ: You’re confusing your pasta with milk and cookies. Anyway, it’s bedtime. Tell you what. Maybe if you eat all your supper tomorrow maybe you’ll get back on the nice list.
IP: Do you have the phone number for the north pole?
IQ: No, why?
IP: I want to call to see if Santa has an eraser. To erase my name from the naughty list. We’ll call.
IQ: His number’s unlisted. But I’ll check the FAQs on his website tomorrow, okay?
IP: Okay. Mommy?
IP: What are we having for dinner tomorrow?