"People, please! We're all frightened and horny."

Ice Queen declares her choice for mayor.

The rumours of my death have been greatly exagerrated
So I went to see the Good Doctor Hibbert yesterday (Just add moustache and voila! It's him!). I am to be off for two weeks to a month from now. "You're really sick!" he giggled.

Whoa. It's difficult to even comprehend that. Sure, it sounds great, but if I do anything, I get sicker. If I go anywhere, I get sicker. I'm trapped here on the couch watching The Cosby Show.

And I'm going to miss seeing Ice Prince and his friends at daycare all dressed up for Hallowe'en.

Me: Do you know what Hallowe'en is?
I.P.: Mmmmff (eating spaghetti)
Me: You wear a costume and go door to door to your neighbours and they give you candy. Do you want to get candy?
I.P.: No thank you, I'm eating my supper right now.

Today's agenda:
Dye hair (bought dye while waiting for new prescription yesterday)
Don't eat Hallowe'en candy
Nap
Plan pumpkin design
Don't eat Hallowe'en candy
Watch Jon Stewart at 5:00
Ditto on the candy

Culture Corner
Started on a new poem last night. Go check it out on Two Drink Minimum, soon to be a major poetry reading series coming to a bar near you. (Well, actually, near me, 'cause it's more convenient that way.)

Gone, gone, gone she's been gone so long
So it looks like I might be on Short Term Disability, but only for a couple of days. (We're only allowed 5 consecutive sick days at The Bank.) They're mailing me the paper work. It was my boss' suggestion. What a treat to have a boss who wants me to fully recover, rather than one who is pushing me to come back.

I do feel better, until I move around. Fresh has been taking excellent care of me and the house, and the little Prince.

Finally got my computer to cooperate and ordered groceries online. ("I love you grocery man!" - I.P.)

Also working on I.P.'s Hallowe'en costume. He's going as Max, or to those of you who don't read children's books or watch kids shows, a white bunny in overalls. Trying to construct ears with the maximum stand up ability. Mom is mailing me some of that thin foam they sell in craft stores. I think that might be the ticket.

Thanks for the e-cards. I'm trying to behave myself and not overdo it so I get better. Party Girl will ride again! Actually, that sounds like one of my pay-per-view choices....

Thought I'd treat myself to a pay-per-view movie to help keep me on the couch.

My choices include Poetic Just Ass and Jamaican Me Horny.

Maybe I'll just have another nap.

I've got the Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Blues

Well,actually i don't have the blues. Bed rest for a week, so go frolic in the beautiful autumn sunshine and be happy while I'm gone.

Both lungs amd antibiotics if you must know.

I'll be back later this week when i'm bored out of my gourd and feeling better.

Today's Song in Your Head You Won't be Able To Get Rid Of

Bloody freakin' sick again today. Been up all night and wrote you a New Tune on err..Friday.

To the Tune of Dennis Leary's I'm An Asshole. If you haven't heard it, you must. I didn't write the whole thing, I'm sick. Cut me some slack.

I'm just a regular girl with a regular job
I'm your average white urbanite snob
I like napping and cooking and hosting galore
Got a house in East York with a nice hardwood floor
My spouse and my kid, my lawn and my cats
My pedicured feet and Australian Shraz

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a girl like me interested
I've got to go out and have fun at outrageous expense

I buy Grande Lattes with choclate on top
And imported stockings at 15 bucks a pop

I'm the Ice Queen
I'm the Ice Queen

I wear power suits and I wear power heels
I shop Value Village and get some great deals

I'm the Ice Queen
I'm the Ice Queen

Sometimes I'm mean to clingy shop clerks
I don't suffer fools and I don't humour jerks

I'm the Ice Queen
I'm the Ice Queen

I-C-E Q-U-E-E-N
Say it with me
I-C-E Q-U-E-E-N
I-C-E Q-U-E-E-N

By Popular Demand
So I’m getting lots of hits from google and yahoo looking for an Ice Queen costume. Here’s how to look like The Ice Queen:
Black nylons
Heels
Black Dress (add suit jacket for 'day' look)
Hoop earrings
Hair any colour but your own
Props: Bottle of wine and a baguette

Voilà! You're a Queen!

Toddler Eye For The Straight Guy
Guy on Escalator to Ice Prince: “I wish I had your fashion sense, little dude. Lookin’ good.”

It's Official: It’s Fall
The Fall Hat® has been purchased. It’s a good thing. If you don’t have your Fall Hat®, go get your ducks in a row already!

Help!
I vaguely remember a song from early 1999ish. I thought it was by Erykah Badu and was called “Life”, but I can’t find it anywhere. The video had a field with butterflies. What was it? What? Lyric clip: “I’m a superstitious girl, I’m the worst in the world, won’t walk under ladders, I keep a rabbit’s foot…”

The Queen's Fall Decrees

So, it’s chilly today and you all want to know: “Ice Queen, what’s in fashion for fall?” Dahlinks, I’m so glad you asked.

Out:Tea
Cucumbers
Potpourri
Track Pants. What’s up with that? Saying “Juicy” on the butt does not improve them one bit. They’re still TRACK PANTS!
Socks. No, really. Because I said so, that’s why. Trouser socks are on the exception list.
Turkey
Guilt
Placemats
West Wing “We found Zoe!” Uh, that was a bit anti-climactic.
Being cold to look good

In:
Boots with heels
Plaid
Black
Tights, Fishnets and other leg apparel
Maple Eclairs
Coffee
Poetry
Homemade Christmas Gifts
Candles - Unscented
Fabric Napkins and Tablecloth
Six Feet Under
Hat, Scarves, Gloves

So Good They’re Bad -- Habits I’m Trying to Kick This Fall:Wine During the Week (except on Girl’s Nights)
Taxis. (oh, but I loooove taxis)
Lattes (sure they come in non-fat, That’ll be $9.85, please)
Shopping at lunchtime
Lipsticks (Do I really need another red lipstick? Of course I do!)
Shoes (Do I really need another pair of black shoes? Of course I do!)

Emeril Is Doing my Surgery? Bam!
Regular readers will know that I’m scheded for tube tying surgery on Nov. 17th. Naturally, I was intrigued to learn that many surgeons like to play music in the OR:

Music is important to Burnett in the OR. He'll spin several different genres during one long procedure, he says.
"(We) generally try to play music that gives us some familiarity and calmness and that's different for different people," Burnett says.

For Burnett, 38, that means laid-back rock like U2 or R.E.M. for the beginning of an open-heart surgery, folk or acoustic instrumentals during the more-intense middle portion, and harder-edged rock for the final, stitching-up segment.

"At the end, we really like to kick it up a notch," says Burnett, who likes Radiohead, A Perfect Circle or Pearl Jam as he wraps up surgery.

No King of Pain? No Tie Your Mother Down? No Tubular Bells?

It's the End of The World as We Know It....NOT
I have a very strange feeling of impending doom. This hits me sometimes and goes away without anything untoward actually happening. It better not, ‘cause I refuse to face the Apocalypse with any credit left available on my MasterCard.

What’s the best thing I did all weekend? I made Maple Eclairs! I took the Coffee Eclairs recipe from the latest edition of Food and Drink and changed it to Maple instead. It was a great success and I am très proud of myself. I also made the cover dish – warm chocolate cake, which worked just fine but didn’t compare to the MAPLE ECLAIRS!

Did I mention I made Maple Eclairs?

Death Penalty Gone Mad?
"A meat processing plant in a Kingston-area prison has been shuttered, so experts can probe “questionable” inspection practices. "

Ah. death by injection of garlic with a bouquet garnis 'round his neck?

I Still Think It's A Brilliant Idea.

Ice Queen Mum goes home this morning. Safe trip! Here's a sample conversation from last night, me and my mum, to give you a flavour of our relationship:

Me: If you could live in any time period, which would you choose?
Mum: The reign of Charles the Second. You?
Me: Garden of Eden before the fall.
Mum: You’d be lonely. There’d be almost no one to talk to.
Me: I’d talk to the animals.
Mum: The animals didn’t talk.
Me: The snake did. Why wouldn’t the others? And I’m sure I read someone that Adam could talk to the animals before they were expelled.
Mum: You’re thinking of Dr. Doolittle.
Me: Am not! I’m sure I read that. If not, maybe it’s planted in my brain as an idea for a brilliant novel in the Timothy Findlay Not Wanted on the Voyage vein, about when Adam could talk to the animals.
Mum: What would you call it, Adam Doolittle?
Me: Phhhhhhhhhhhhpt!

The Ice Queen Mum Tells you a Little Story

What the neighbour heard:“Wanna get in bed? C’mon big boy, under the covers. No? Make up your mind. Are you going to get in or not? I’m not going to hold this all day. Oh, look, it’s the big Banana!”

What really happened.Ice Queen Mum was reading in bed. Bugsy, the male Siamese, jumped up and was thinking about going under the covers, but couldn’t decide. Mom was holding the blanket up for him. Then the female Siamese, Banana, jumped up too.

Interactive Fun With the Queen Mum
So the Ice Queen Mum is in town, helping out. I thought it would be fun to interview her for the Icicle Fief.

Any questions you'd like to ask my mom?

Super! Thanks for Asking.
Oh, and watch Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Martha Stewart with a personality. Love it! Even Fresh liked it: "I thought they'd be catty, but they seem to be genuinely rooting for the guy."

Okay, maybe just a little fun and frolic

Well, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, pass me the Gatorade
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded

You don't have to read my mind, to know why I’m in bed
Honey you oughta know
Now you move the pillow, let me lay down my head
I wanna nap then we can watch some shows

Now it's up to you, we can watch American Choppers too
Coronation Street, I'll tell you all the plots and who’s killed who

That's why, I'm hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on baby, pass the blankie to me
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded

If I feel alright, maybe I won’t cough all night
Will you catch it from me?
But I can’t get up off the couch, come on head, try to be kind.
Honey, I’m a hot mama….can you make the boy some spaghetti?

Yeah I'm hot blooded, check it and see
Feel the fever burning inside of me
Come on baby, can you pass the remote?
I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded

I'm Alive
Barely. It's been a rough ten days, but I'm getting there.

No fun and frolic today.

Went for a walk yesterday. Walked by an Adult Video store with private viewing booth. Eewww...I thought..I'd hate to be the janitor there. Next door was the SCN Cleaning Supplies and Service Co. Makes sense.