Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

So, it's 6:30 am on Wednesday morning and I'm getting some info on who to phone in the tax dept for the mysterious "access code".

I was up late last night working on the old taxes. Finally I gave up.

"It's like pulling teeth!" I said to Fresh. Then I remembered.

Wisdom teeth and taxes. Does it get any better?


Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Work. Hmph!

Gonna be a busy day getting things ready for my “week off”. I have lots of good stuff to talk about – but I left the newspaper clippings at home. Well, all the more to post whilst I’m away.

So in the meantime, talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic:
The Industrial Revolution was neither Industrial nor revolutionary, discuss.

Hey, topic for today: SNL. Favourite characters and sketches.
Mine?
Adam Sandler songs
Mike Myers in anything
Dysfunctional Family Christmas
Chistopher Walken’s Guest Appearance(s) esp. “The Continental”: “My aren’t you a skittish pixie!”
Phil Hartman
Darrel Hammond as Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson
Neil Macdonald’s news
Mainway toys
“Acting!”
“Yeah, that’s the ticket!”

Too busy for more.



Monday, April 28, 2003

Countdown to Pain
50 hours ‘til the Big Pull.

The Biggest Compliment I’ve Ever Received
Mr. Crabby, who hates all children, actually invited us AND Ice Prince up to their cottage on May 24, WITH the Ice Prince. And that was after spending an hour with the boy (who, I will admit was rather spectacularly well-behaved. He would run around in the yard, slow down, high five Crabby and keep truckin’.) We probably won’t go, because the effort of keeping I.P. well-behaved is too exhausting for a whole weekend. But I am so flattered to be invited.

And the mouse lived.
I was supposed to do my taxes last night. Watched Escape From Alcatraz instead.

Quote of the Weekend
My brother was talking to some friends, one of whom is rather paranoid.
“I hear they caught Tariq Aziz, “ says the bro.
“Tariq Disease?” says the guy, “Is that worse than SARS?”

Shirazheimers
Crabby came up with another Simpsons question for discussion, but I forget what it was. Was is favourite celebrity guest appearance? I’d say Michael Jackson.

Or was the question: what should the Simpsons finale be? Maggie speaks? We find out Comic Book Guy's name? Sometimes I think it would have been cool if they have actually aged at a normal rate, like in For Better or For Worse.

D'oh!
Just read my comments from Friday and remembered. The question was: Favourite Prank Call to Moe's Tavern.


Friday, April 25, 2003

Okay, let's take up out homework

My Favourite Character: Apu. I also enjoy Smithers. When I grow up I want to be Lisa.
My Favourite Quote: "I am so smart! S-M-R-T!" I also love Lisa's birthday song.
My Favourite Episode: This is very tough. Probably the Thirty Two Short Films about Springfield. "Professor Frink, Professor Frink, he'll make you smile, he'll make you think!"

Trivia:
1. I heard that Bleeding Gums Murphy is/was Dr. Hibbert's half brother.
2. Crabby Sister, Fresh, I.P. and I all share a doctor who is the spitting image (down to the laugh) of Dr. Hibbert.

Your turn.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Homework
Tomorrow is Simpsons Day. (Thanks to Chip for the idea.)

Please come ready to share:
Your Favourite Character
Your Favourite Quote
Your Favourite Episode

And whatever other trivia you may have.

No, don't do it now....tomorrow! These are serious questions that require ponderance.
I give and give and give
Either no one appreciates my weird sense of humour, or everyone's too busy to comment on these great quotes. So these are the last for today. Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.

“I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.”

“Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

“Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.”

“A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

“Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.”

“Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy. “

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.' “
Culture Corner

Are you a busy business executive with no time for culture? Fear no more. At last you too can benefit from Shakespeare by Powerpoint.


The Festivities Continue on Jack Handy Day
“Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think. “

“If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. “

“Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you. “

“If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.”

“The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.”

“If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.”


Today is Jack Handy Day in the Icicle Fief.

If you are asking yourself "Who's Jack Handy?" you're in for a treat.

Here's one of my favourite quotes:
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."

and how about:
"If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl. "

and
"For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness? "

and
"Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail. "

Yeah, those make me smile. Do you have a favourite quote?


Wednesday, April 23, 2003

My Favourite Subject—Me!
So Crabby has asked in the comments box “What is Icy like at work?”
I’ve worked with Sister (twice or four times if you count the 3 separate times we worked at the same “company”) and I used to work with Beco (who is a non-commenting lurker on this site) and I currently work with Boomer.

The same question may be asked by Boomer and Beco “What’s Icy like when she’s NOT at work?” Although the real Ice Queen has emerged at the not-frequent-enough after work bar crawls. (Next one is “Wasting Away in Margaritaville.” Watch for it!)

And the big question, which one is the real me?

In other news, the ever thoughtful Crabby is collecting items to amuse me during my convalescence. Go check it out.


Tuesday, April 22, 2003

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner
Ran most of 2.5 kms last night and feel mighty pleased with myself. I took a chance and moved from the slow group up to the medium group. I finished up in the middle of that pack, so good call. I finally found someone to laugh at my jokes….and promptly left her behind in my dust. Lonely are the fleet of foot.

I’ve decided that running is like riding a big scary roller coaster. While you’re doing it, you’re thinking “Oh God, please make it stop. Make it stop now!” And five minutes after you’re done, you think “Whoo-hoo! That was great, let’s do it again!”

Thanks….I think
Much thanks to Crabby for pointing out a big honkin’ article on Fresh’s boss in Toronto Life. Fresh talked about it all during supper last night. So thanks. And to think Bill sat on our deck drinking our wine.

Polkaroo!
Boomer has "almost" met Fresh several times, but always misses him by mere minutes. So, Boomer, what do you expect Fresh to be like? And those of you who know him, how would you describe him to poor Boomer who is beginning to think he doesn't exist?


Monday, April 21, 2003

A long weekend and so much to say.

Who Let The Blogs Out? Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
I had pulled some strings at Talking Dog and got your blogs reviewed. Go check it out! Now every blog on my blog roll is Talking Dog Approved®. Gee, Sister, aren’t you glad I told you to put up that part that’s quoted? I’m the wind beneath your wings.

Fresh Report
Fresh got diagnosed with Strep Thoat on Friday. The Doc said it was highly contagious for three days, so we had no company this weekend and no date. Bummer Royale. Maybe the Grandparents can come next weekend. I hope, I hope, I hope. Fresh has been popping pills and is much better now. Hurrah Fresh!

Ice Prince Quote of the Day
Quote of the weekend: While Fresh and I were out in the yard raking, I.P. yells : “We’re making a mess! Look at this mess!”

Operation Maximum Leakage
I.P. begins wearing underwear, probably tomorrow. Should be interesting……

Stop, or I’ll Say Stop Again!
Charlie’s Angels was on TV last night. I said to Fresh that I would be a good “Angel” because I’m always dressed inappropriately. I’d be scaling up the side of a cliff in black nylons, skirt, heels and a sheer top.

Chip would be Charlie (because none of us has ever met him). Boomer would be Bosley, because he’s always giving me assignments (exercise assignments, but still.) That leaves Sister and Crabby as the other two Angels.

So ladies, what kind of Angels would we each be?


Thursday, April 17, 2003

When You Care Enough.....
I think too much candy at Easter isn't good for a kid. That's why I got Colin
a book as his Easter present


Guinness, Stubble and the Tooth Fairy
It occurs to me that if the Dental Surgeon manages to get any of my teeth out whole, I'm in for a big payoff from the Tooth Fairy. Maybe a G.I.C. even.

Speaking of which, I hope the Tooth Fairy is a drag queen and not that sickly sweet woman on that toothpaste commercial. I think the Tooth Fairy should have stubble. Kirstie Alley played the Tooth Fairy in some movie. She always looks like a man in drag to me. Although I do dearly love Pier One.

My mission in the next week and a half is to eat lots of chewy and crunchy things. Beer's not crunchy, but Guinness is a bit chewy.....


Operation Close Your Eyes and Think of England
I’m getting all four wisdom teeth out on April 30. One is through, two are impacted, and one is way up there.

The Dental Surgeon kept saying, “If you were 18, it wouldn’t be so bad, but at your advanced age it’s a much more serious operation.”

I’m not sure which bothers me more, my “advanced age” or the “serious operation”.

I get a week off work. And probably some good drugs. Reserve my suite at the Betty Ford through 2004.

Seen On The Way Into Work on Church Street
A pregnancy test stick.

Ponder of the Day
Could you make Canadian foie gras from Canada Goose liver?

Song in My Head When I Woke Up
O Little Town of Bethlehem

Fresh Update
Still sick. I know this because he didn’t have anything for dessert last night.

Ice Prince Update
Fell down a couple of stairs at daycare yesterday and is all bruised up. On the plus side “He landed on his face, not his bad arm.” Oh. Good. I was worried there for a minute.

And I don’t blame the day care. I.P. is an accident waiting to happen, as you may have guessed.


Wednesday, April 16, 2003

My Secret Shames
1. At lunch, I bought the new Shania Twain CD. I like it.And it’s good to run to. (It is good music to which to run.)
2. I’m brushing my teeth in the office washroom this aft. (Dental Surgon appointment.)
3. Coronation Street. Did Gail’s new husband kill his ex-wife?


My So-Called Life
So we had Helena’s b-day dinner at an Italian restaurant last night. 8 adults and six kids under 4. All the kids were very well-behaved, except for Colin, who insisted on spending the dinner hanging outside the big open front window and pointing out the bicycles and airplanes. Or he ran around in circles trying to trip the wait staff.

When we got home, Fresh was very sick with a fever and went straight to bed. He’s still sick today. I hope it’s just the flu. I have to go buy an air mattress today so I can sleep in another room (unfortunately, the guest room is out of ear shot of the Ice Prince and I don't want I.P. thinking Mommy now sleeps in his bed every night).

Because Fresh went to bed so early I finally got to see another episode of Gavin Crawford. But Dear Friend Dave wasn’t on it. It was still pretty good, though.

New Buzz Phrase
Just got out of a meeting with a vendor. They said they wanted to have a meeting where they would “open the kimono”. I suspect this means “reveal all”, but it made me think of that short story with the really long name. You know the one.

Open the kimono®. You heard it here first. Use it with pride.



Tuesday, April 15, 2003

New Pet Peeve
Office managers who are going through the "change of life" and keep getting the building manager to turn up and turn down the heat.



And I ran…..ran so far away…couldn’t get away
Went to my second running class. I’m the fastest person in the slow group. Yah, me!

Those who know me well know how much I detest small talk and meeting new people. But I decided to try to make some friends so I could have running buddies.

Maybe I come on too strong. I eventually resorted to making jokes, which no one seemed to appreciate. Now I remember why I don’t bother trying to make new friends. And maybe I should reconsider the night of stand up comedy too. But I guess my jokes would go over better with drunk people than sweaty out-of-breath people.

I think I’ll have to buy some good shoes. My crappy $20 Brooks are not supporting my feet. If I only had the right shoes I’d be awesome (and if you believe that, I’ve got some Girl Guide cookies and chocolate bars to sell you. Don’t ask. “Other Duties As Assigned” at my job.)

I haven't lost any weight or inches, but I've spent lots of money. I really musn't run to Summerhill or the Danforth...or Winners. But I got the cutest little dress yesterday......

Pet Peeves

People who use the wheelchair button to open a door when they have a free hand.
People who walk on the “wrong” side of the sidewalk.
Telemarketers, esp ones who ask “How are you today?”
People who spit or litter.
People who let their dogs take up a whole sidewalk.
People who let their dogs sniff your crotch or lick your kid. (Note that I got the syntax right there.)
People who give exact change (Right on Crabby! But Fresh does this.)
Grocery stores who put diapers on the very top shelf above the milk. Like I have two hands free when I’ve got a toddler with me.
Grocery stores that stock shelves on Friday at 5:30pm.
Stock clerks who take up the whole aisle.
People who brush their teeth at lunch in the office bathroom.
People who say “Hot enough for ya?” “Cold enough for ya?”
People who take Learn to Run classes more than once.
People who scowl at my screaming child (If I had a tranquillizer dart, don’t you think I’d use it? There’s no “off” button, you know.)
Public Displays of Affection that cause traffic jams (i.e. handholding that takes up the whole sidewalk or escalator)
People with no sense of humour
Classes/Meetings that start late or have no sense of direction




Monday, April 14, 2003

Going To The Chapel

As my 12th Wedding anniversary approaches (yes, I was a child bride), and as the woman over the cubicle wall plans her wedding….all day long….I’ve been thinking about weddings.

Reasons to wait to get married: Your taste improves – register for better stuff
· You actually have at least one song that’s “our song”
· Your kid can attend
· Your friends can afford better gifts.
· By now you really need a vacation/honeymoon
· Something to relieve the mind-numbing monotony of life
· Wedding dress won’t look like something out of the 80s (Yes, mine did. Dynasty shoulders and all.)

Reasons not to wait
· Old relatives die off before the big day
· If you’re older, you have more friends to invite. Ca-ching!
· Need stuff for your first apartment
· No need to get babysitter for honeymoon
· To no longer be “living in sin”
· Thinner. (Okay, maybe not in my case.)
· Need to share dental/medical plans.
· Romanticism
· Don’t need time off work for honeymoon



My Fanny Pack.
Yep, it’s true. Oh the horror! Can’t run with a backpack.

Outrage of the Day
Looting of the museum in Iraq. (The museum? Well, there’s probably more than one, I’m just too lazy to look up which one.)

Fine, take office desks. Take ceiling fans. They can be replaced. But don’t take the priceless artifacts. Or if you’re going to storm the museum, take the stuff and keep it safely at your house. Don’t break it! That’s just rude.

Happiness of the Day
Patio weather! Patio weather! Don’t even need a lightweight sweater!

My Shopping List
Birthday Card for Helena
New dress for Helena’s b-day dinner tomorrow and my DATE on Friday (parents are coming to babysit. Hurrah!)
More socks for Colin
Baking powder
Hat for running (my current hat makes it look like I’m trying to outrun my pimp)




Friday, April 11, 2003

Small Happinesses

I had the most beautiful lunch hour.

I alternated running and walking all through Rosedale. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping, the Phillipino nannies were arriving for their afternoon shifts. The green grass was poking through the snow. Rosedale even has nicer sidewalks – they’re interlock brick. Très classy. I listened to the soundtrack to Rent on my headphones.

Then I went to Summerhill and got fish kabobs for dinner, and Fred’s bread and a bottle of nice wine. Then, I discovered that Rosedale has no ABMs and had to walk up to St. Clair to get subway fare back.

I actually feel like a got a bit of sun on my face. Inconceivable!

I love working in mid town.

(Boomer...I'm waiting for my gold star.....)




Update
Ice Prince is okay, but still very sore and not using his arm. This does not seem to affect the quality and quantity of mischief he gets into. He's an over achiever, I guess.

I'm behind on my running, but I'm going today at lunch. Going up to Summerhill to find something to throw on the BBQ.

I realize that I'm sorely neglcting my role of entertaining you, my faithful readers. I will try harder.



Thursday, April 10, 2003

The Calamity Kid
The Ice Prince managed to dislocate his elbow yesterday. Dr. Hibbert snapped it back into place, but he’s still not moving it. He’s back at daycare today, and I am feeling very guilty. Have to call Hibbert and tell him. He was supposed to start moving it within ten minutes. Mind you, it must hurt like stink. No more blogging today.

How did it happen? Hard to explain. When you’re holding his hand and he suddenly decides to have a tantrum, he will go “boneless” and twist on the end of your arm. Well, this time he twisted the wrong way I guess.




Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Today in History
Fifteen years ago today I first met Fresh. I was standing with my boyfriend (Sort of, we’d broken up, but kept dating for something to do. It’s complicated.) at a dance when Fresh came up and asked me to dance. The song was “Sweet Dreams are Made of These”. I told Fresh I’d always thought the lyrics were “Is it gravy with you?” He had a car. I lived on campus. The rest is history.

What’s Playing in My Head
This is the cold that never ends
It just goes on and on and on
You think it’s over and then
It will go back and start again.

They Like Me! They Really Like Me!
Got a raise today. And a nice one too! Although most of it will be whisked away for health care and social programs, it’s nice to be appreciated. Fresh also got one last week. We should be netting another $20 a month! We’ll try not to spend it all on one bottle of wine.

”Learn” to Run
So my Learn to Run class began last night. Let me tell you, there’s mostly run and no learn. He basically said. “Here’s the route. Go! Oh, and time yourself.” About 50% had taken the class at least once before, about 40% looked like there were track stars in school, and 10% were like me.

I am proud to say I ran 1.6 km last night. With no previous training, inclination or innate ability. Mood: Smug



Monday, April 07, 2003

Fifteen!
I forgot! I saw the best movie on Friday night. Amélie. French, subtitled. Very weird. Very funny. Bonus points for a cute hair cut, a scooter, cats, a garden gnome, Paris and the bizarre characters that populate it. Go now and get it from the video store. You won’t be disappointed. Makes a good date movie, but not sappy or anything. I give it a 9.



Things To Do Before I Die
Learn to Run
Do Art (no, not sleep with Garfunkel! I mean painting and sculpting)
Skydive
Do Stand Up Comedy (just once)
Skinny Dip

Ice Prince’s Latest Rules
“No coloury on the T.V.”
“No sleepy on the road.” (This when he declared halfway across the street “Sleepy!” and lay down.)

My weekend
Squaredancing scientist iced into New York, but inlaws made it to our house just fine.



Friday, April 04, 2003

I’m a Runner!
Well, sort of.

I have signed up for the Learn to Run clinic at The Running Room, Hazelton Lanes. They gave me a nice 100% polyester t-shirt that feels neat (I chose orange.) They also gave me a booklet and it looks like a pretty reasonable schedule. Boomer is making major fun of me “They teach you to run? Aren’t you born knowing that kind of thing?” but he blanched when I suggested if it was so easy that he could join too. Hah!

I first heard blamb going on about how great running is. “That’s nice for him,” thought I, “But I could never do that.” whilst having flashbacks of side pain and lung collapse during elementary school gym class. (My Phys Ed comments always said “Susie tries hard…..”) Anyhow, on the way home on the bus about two weeks ago, I heard a women extolling the virtues of The Running Room and how great the clinic was and how far she could run. “Pffft!” thought I, “She’s probably 20 years old and thin as a reed.” I turned around and saw she was dumpy and middle aged. That’s when I decided that if she could do it, so could I.

Stay tuned for smug self-righteousness to be followed by an eventual hubric downfall. But full points for me trying, right?

What's Playing In My Head: Running With the Night. Can't remember who sings it.

P.S. Comment function is sporadic today. Hmph!



Ice Prince sings 14 verses of “Squishing Up My Baby Bumblebee” in Doc’s Office

So I had to take Ice Prince to Dr. Hibbert yesterday. They wouldn’t let me make an appointment without speaking to the good doctor first. The receptionist sounded like she was having a panic attack when I said he had a fever. Dr. H said, “Yep, sounds like an ear infection. Bring him in.” When I got there, there were SARS notices everywhere and we were the only ones in the waiting room (normally it’s standing room only). Dr. H was wearing a mask and the receptionist opened the glass a crack to take I.P.’s OHIP card. I felt dirty and contagious! But we went home with a bottle of the precious pink stuff and I.P. is feeling much better. Fresh has taken the day off work to care for him. He’ll be very tired tonight (Fresh, not I.P.). He’s never looked after him for more than a couple of hours at a time. Buwahahahahahahahaha!

One of our oldest friends is coming to visit from New York, where he is a scientist at some university. He’s curing cancer. I’m glad someone is. He also belongs to a Gay Square Dance Group. (Don't I know all the most interesting people?) He was supposed to be coming to Toronto for a Scientist Convention, but they cancelled it due to SARS.

I woke up in the middle of the night to yell at the cat for scratching at the armoire (again), but then I realized that it was freezing rain pellets. Still.

Oh, and Starbucks no longer carries pumpkin scones. The horror!



Wednesday, April 02, 2003

Ice Prince has a fever and Air Canada has declared bankruptcy. I'm as busy as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking race.

More later.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

D'oh of the Day
Correspondent Peter Arnett gets fired for dissing the U.S. war plan. Yeah I feel bad, but you don’t go to your competition’s Annual General Meeting and bad mouth your boss, do you? Think, man!

Depressing Quote of the Day
From my Bank Pension Statement: “If you die before being eligible for early retirement”

Good Deed of the Day
Boomer has made me a workout schedule complete with incentives. Five more days of workout in a row and I get a fancy coffee! I’m not sure what’s in it for Boomer, but it reminds me of the Dilbert cartoon where the pointy haired boss gives Dogbert the Exercise Contract for the office. “You were the only one who offered to do it just for the laughs,” says the boss. “Aerobics, engineers, think about it,” says Dogbert.

Mind you, I didn't go today because I'm sick. Boomer and other office colleagues enjoyed coming by to mock me whilst I gestured helplessly or croaked pathetically. No, it's not SARS. Thanks for asking.



Blog problems today. April fools?