Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I will not suggest naughty things for show and tell, even if they are technically correct.

I got Ice Prince in trouble at school yesterday.

It was alphabet show and tell. IP's letter was "D". He's in French immersion.

I suggested "derrière".

I think you can guess how that whole scenario turned out.

Reminds me of Bart's chalkboard detentions. Those starred have or will soon be uttered by Ice Prince. Seriously.

I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"* (IP said "Hi sweetie, how's my girlfriend?" to his teacher.)
They are laughing at me, not with me*
I will not trade pants with others*
I will not do that thing with my tongue*
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not sell land in Florida
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
My name is not Dr. Death*
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not eat things for money*
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce*
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups*
No one is interested in my underpants*
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I am not delightfully saucy*
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed*
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough*
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding*
I will not strut around like I own the place*
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far*
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
No one wants to hear from my armpits*
I am not a lean mean spitting machine*
The boys room is not a water park* (IP actually flooded the bathroom two weeks ago)
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist*
I am not certified to remove asbestos
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I no longer want my MTV
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"*
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
My butt does not deserve a website*
I will not scream for ice cream
I am not a licensed hairstylist
Sherri does not "got back"
No one wants to hear about my sciatica
It does not suck to be you
I cannot absolve sins
I have neither been there nor done that
Fridays are not "pants optional"*
Pork is not a verb
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize*
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge*
I will not surprise the incontinent*
I am not the acting President
I will only provide a urine sample when asked*
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
Sandwiches should not contain sand*

Want more? Here’s where I got ‘em.

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