Links You'll Love (Because I'm Busy, That's Why!)
He's cute, he's gay and he loves to cook.

Obviously of interest to my readers who fall into at least one of these categories, if not all three.

Photo Finish

Go check out the bellydancer cake I made for Sister Staceypatrick's birthday AND me wearing the pool table dress, which doesn't actually work on me because I am not "ahem" very flat.

Cocktail Party to celebrate La Fete de la Reine

New Year's Eve (yes, it's really my birthday)
4pm - 8pm (so all you popular people can still make it somewhere else)
My house, north of the Danforth

Please do come! This means YOU. Mark your calendar now, official invites to follow later.

I throw a mean shindig, not to be missed. And this time, nobody has to go to the emergency room. I hope.

Not Very Witty and Definitely Not Wise

The Santa Claus Parade was great. Ice Prince had a curbside seat. The parade rolled by. He was a bit bored, but well-behaved.

“As soon as the Burlington Band comes by, Santa’s next!” said the woman in front of me.

Out comes the Burlington band. This is a gigantic band. They were packed right to the curb.

“Pull your feet in, “ I told Ice Prince. He did.

Then he turns around, gives me an evil grin and sticks his leg back out, tripping a flautist, who luckily didn’t actually fall.

Santa was right behind.

Way to go, kid. The naughtiest thing you’ve done in your 5 years and you do it RIGHT IN FRONT OF SANTA.

Conversation with No Gestures Coffee
Boomer: …..there’s hair everywhere! By the way, I like Keira Knightly’s latest haircut. You should get that next.
IQ: I’ll spend another year dyeing it and then when it falls out I’ll chop all off, as usual. Your new fancy haircut from Jie is probably why you’re getting all these career development opportunities all of a sudden.
Boomer: It’s about time. So where were you Wednesday?
IQ: The doctor again for more tests. He says “35 is the magic age” when everything starts falling apart.
Boomer: I’m not even 35 yet! And yesterday I found a big hair growing out of the back of my ear.
IQ: Did you know that your ears and nose never stop growing?
Boomer: No. Way.
IQ: Way.
Boomer: How do you know these things?
IQ: I know lots of things. I think I read it somewhere. That’s why old men always have such big ears and noses.
Boomer: That’s all I need.

Proof!

Paris on $5.99 a day
In other news, the dress I bought at Goodwill on Saturday for $5.99 may be worth more than 100 times that! It is a classic example of Patrick Kelly, black gay fashion designer from Mississippi who died from AIDS at the age of 35 and was the first America admitted to Paris’ Chambre Syndicale de la Couture Parisienne organization. The Brooklyn Museum of Art just finished a retrospective on him. His button designs make him iconic. Similar dresses online sell for $400, but they don’t have the buttons. I managed to find a picture of my dress, and Sister Stacey took a picture of me wearing it last night…we’ll see if she posts it or send it to me. Yes, it’s a pool table dress. So, should I wear it with pride or sell it on ebay? I’ll probably wear it.



Something that sounds similar was just donated to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in 2004!:
“Patrick Kelly, French; Dress; wool, plastic, synthetic, autumn/winter
1986–87; 2005.92; Gift of Elaine Blatt”

Intoducing....

The Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince

Now, all in one place!

Who could forget such time honoured favourites as "Filling the Pool" or "Negotiating for Cookies"?

Am I jumping on the Mommy Blog Bandwagon? Damn right! Show me the money! (There will be money, right?)

Prodigal Queen
Darlings I know that I've been ignoring you. I've been planning FOUR parties here at work and it's EXHAUSTING!

Sister Staceypatrick is having a birthday, I am continuing my quests to have every medical test known to (wo)man, a winners has opened up today not FIVE minutes away from my office and I don't get paid until tomorrow, and Ice Prince's "Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince" will be spinning off into its own blog. A real Mommy blog. Dooce, eat my dust. This is all somehow relating to my Wit and Wisdom postings that will be featured over at urbanmoms.ca in the near future. Details to follow.

And I've written up my application for Superstar Chef and I will be making "Screeched Bananas with Candied Pecans" on my demo tape.

What else? It snowed half and hour ago.

That's all. Go on. Nothing to see here. Back to your lives, citizens.

Oh, wait! Want to proofread my bio for urbanmoms.ca? Comments/additions welcome:
"The Ice Queen is a full-time communications professional in the financial services industry with an Honours B.A. in Writing Poetry. She enjoys cooking, entertaining, writing parody songs and picking oatmeal out of her hair. At her East York home, she has one husband, one 5 year old son, two cats and her mom and dad in the basement apartment. Her son, the Ice Prince, has asked for accordion lessons for his birthday. If you think that sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen – it is. Development deals welcomed."

Denied!
Didn't get that job after all.

What a waste of $9.99.

Maria's Nerdier Than Me

COMING SOON
Next Friday, I will be having a Conversational Gesture Lunch with longtime reader and lurker Boomer.

Watch for it on Monday November 21!

With Remembrance Day Coming, It's Important to Acknowledge the Sacrifices Made in the Name of Protecting Our Country

True quote from 7:30 am this morning, after searching and then asking Fresh:
"Sorry, Mom, but the M.inister of N.ational D.efense has your umbrella."

This year: NO EXCUSES.

I am entering to be Superstar Chef!

Then I’ll get my own tv show. And write cook books. And have a line of clothing. And a restaurant. And a winery.

Cool. What should I make? Deconstructionist Pumpkin Ravioli?

Better Red than Dead
Today is little red suit day. Man, I look gooo-oood! I look so good today, that I have been motivated to stay away from the ubiquitous mini candy bars here at work. I got a manicure at lunch that cost more than the suit did. ($13 vs. $9.99)

In home news, there may be an election and I may lose Fresh for a month or so. But let's get it over with.

That's all.

Did I mention that I look good today? If only my contacts were ready for pick up!

Looking for the Ice Queen Seal of Approval?
I’m officially a product tester!

I subscribe to a website called urban moms and when I signed up, I checked off that I’d be interested in being on their research board.

So a marketing company is going to send me free stuff to test their product (in this case, Splenda). Cool, eh? Cooking and giving my opinion, that’s the job for me!

Anyhow, here’s the swag I get:
* 2 bags of Splenda No-Calorie Sweetener
* Recipe booklets
* 25 full-value coupons
* 3 stainless steel bowls
* Measuring spoons
* Plus other helpful baking goodies!

In other news, I have a job interview tomorrow, but it’s just with the HR department to start with. First they pre-screen me, then they pre-interview me. What’s with that? MUST……NOT……MENTION…..FLIPFLOPS…

And I’m making fish cakes for dinner. Thought you should know.

NaNoWirBlo..or whetever the hell its sipposed to be
So, I came online to check the TTC schedule for tomorrow (dim sum with me mum) and forgot I was supposed to be drinking and blogging.

I've got a half bottle or so of Henry of Pelham 2004 Pinot Blanc, which is really not that great, but whatever, and I am at the keyboard. What to blog about?

Men tend to think drunk women talk about them. This used to be true, but not so much anymore. Now that we're married, we rarely dish. I think it's easier when you know that the boyfriend you're dishing about isn't permanent. With husbands, dish could get awkward. And also, I feel much less sense of drama as I get older. After nearly 15 years of marriage (true! I was a child bride), rough patches are less significant and fade pretty quickly. I also don't dish the positive stuff, because I don't like to brag. But let me tell you, I sure did appreciate when Fresh grew those sideburns last month. Rrrrowr!

Ahem, but I digress.

Do I miss the dish and the drama? Yeah, a little. Maybe we should have an Amnesty Dish Night when we can tell tales at will and swear that they will all be "forgotten" in the morning and ne'er referred to again, not even under the influence of a Mad Fish. Right now, kind readers, I can tell you it would all be good dish.

On another topic all together I bought a sexy little red business suit at Goodwill today for $9.99. It's French and it's a SIZE 10! (We will ignore the fact that a green size 12 suit I wanted was too small.) SIZE 10! My God, I can't afford the calories in this wine! Maybe I'll jump up and down while I drink and type. No, wait, not this bra. This is the type of bra that's all show and no support. Why am I wearing it? Dunno. Clean and looks good.

Fresh is out at a Philippino Transexual/Transvestite Fundraiser right now. I can't even imagine what that sort of news would do to the poor Richard fellow from blamblog this week (the neo-con). No, we're not in an open marriage, it's part of his job as the MP, when the MP is otherwise engaged. Pretty cool job, but tough. Only Fresh has the diplomacy to manage it so well.

That's another thing about dishing is that sometimes I don't think people realize what a great guy Fresh is. He is much more serious in public than he is in private. Or maybe I'm just a good influence. Anyhow, we balance each other out perfectly: I bring out the silly side of him and he prevents me from selling all my worldly goods on ebay and moving to Paraguay. No, I'm kidding. It wouldn't be Paraguay. It would be Spain. I'd own a kitten farm and write poems and grow vegetables.

Gosh, I never do a stream of consciousness posts. Are you having fun yet? Shall I continue?

Oh! Right! Why did I buy a sexy little red business suit? I have a job interview coming up with a similarly behemothy-like company. I have a good feeling about this one. I think it'll be this week. The HR-thingy left a message on my machine. I had the "prescreening" phone interview last week, so now they'll meet me in person.

Yes, my current job is fun. I spent last week coming up with bad puns and finding clip art of a pirate's ass. Seriously, I'm very good at what I do, I'm just not exactly sure what that is. I'm like a GOOD HR person. My mission is to inform, educate and amuse employees so that they don't feel like mushrooms, but like human beings. I'm a little ray of sunshine! Errr...except when you catch me scanning my head.

No, wait, Boomer claims people are afraid of me at work. I think that's only at the lower level. I'm great with execs. Well, I AM the Queen. I need to evoke a certain amount of fear and respect. What did Clara call me? Dire and.... (damn, can't remember. More wine!)

Next up, I want to meet Clara. And Brett owes me a date and time for a Conversational Gesture Brunch/Lunch. C'mon, man! I haven't seen you since, what, 1986?

Remember the old commenters here? I miss Chip. He was so clever! And Outlaw was a bit old-fashioned, but I always enjoy some good worship. (Cheeky monkey!) If there are any lurkers out there, do say hello.

I always find it amazing when I go to technorati.com and find out who links here. There's a porn site that links here. Seriously! Gay pron, I think. Why? Who knows? I've always had a large "friends of Dorothy" following, so if you got here from a porn link...errrr...sorry and welcome! I'm sure you know by now that we here at the Icicle Fief are socially liberal and fiscally unfortunate. Well, house-poor is what they call it. I have assets and they are guzzling gas and hydro like it's Chateau Lafite Rothchild 1978.

My, I am running on, aren't I? Okay, I'll finish this glass of wine and then go. Ooo..almost done. Okay, so any last questions? You...with the glasses and Roots sweatshirt. Speak up! No,I haven't written any poetry lately. No, that's a lie. I wrote a lovely poem about Lisa. You may read it on two drink minimum. I should probably ask her first....

Oh, how I miss writing poetry. That is one thing I am very good at. Most of the time. Do you think the behemoth would be interested in having a poet in residence? Doesn't Air Canada have an in-flight poet? Why not me? Me me me! Really, sometimes I think I could use a whole nother life to explore all the amazing things I'd like to do.

Wine's gone. I have to go hang up my $9.99 suit and go do some sit ups.

Thanks for listening to WriDruShotNo (yeah, whatever). So what did you think? More stream of consciousness writing or keep the cork in it?

Who Else Is In? Easy as Pie! Mmmmm......pie!
Oh dear. Eva has just told me about THIS.

Maybe I'll combine NaDruWriNa with WriAShoStoWe.

Okay, now I'm confused and I haven't been drinking.

Execept the pint at lunch.

Maria...I've Just Met a Girl Named Maria...And Suddenly That Name...Will Never Be The Same...Again!*
Just came back from lunch with Maria and Connie.

Although I don't want to ruin the Conversational Gesture Post Maria will be putting together, I can say that:
1. I don't think I got a word in edgewise.
2. I know more about Maria than her gynocologist and her priest put together.
3. I did not know you could buy condoms in bulk at Costco.

Her birthday should be quite the party.

*From the musical West Side Story, which reminds me of a hilarious SNL skit...

I‘ll miss taking my clothes off in public washrooms

Good stuff:
Payday
Coffee
Ice Prince choosing what he wants for Christmas – and I like it (though I may feel differently on Boxing Day)
Nylons & boots
Yellow leaves
Biking to work (short-lived though it will be)
Dim sum lunch with my mom on Sunday
Trimming my own bangs and not making a total muck of it
Conversational Gesture Lunch with Maria and Congee today – confirmed!

Bad stuff:
Just finished the coffee

The man has a point...how is he to know for sure?
Halloween, I had put on a platinum blonde bombshell wig and a white dress to look like Marilyn Monroe.

Fresh and I were having dinner on Monday after putting Ice Prince to bed. He finally says: "Did you do something to your hair or is that a wig?"

Fiction is stranger than truth

Harlequeen is back with a new chapter. Who is Clara? What is her secret and why is she back in town after all this time?

And the Real Clara® has written an Ode to me for winning a contest over on her blog. Enjoy responsibly.

Stay tuned for Harlequeen!
Spent the weekend in the hospital with Ice Prince who turns out had Parotitis, which is like the modern day mumps, only not infectitious.

Yadda-yadda. Won't bore you with the details, but I'm tired and he's fine now -- chock full o'antibiotics and back home wrecking (reeking) havoc.

So probably no bon homie today, but rest assured that new chapters are going up on Harlequeen in the next couple of days, and boy are they soapy!