Ass-Clowns R Us
Having a crap day.

If my hair and nails weren't perfection personified, I'd be TOTALLY bummed out.

CONTEST!

For Girl's Night tonight, I have made Sister and crabby each a mix cd of some of my favourite songs. But don't feel left out! You can WIN a copy of Ice Picks 2005 by guessing what the 19 tracks on the CD are. Two points for naming the song and artist, one point for naming only the artist. You must list 19 choices to play.

No cash value.

Contest closes at 5pm Thursday September 29th.

GO!

A visual meme from Clara
Here are the directions:

Do a Google image search of the following and post the first (or favourite) picture result.

- The name of the town where you grew up
- The name of the town where you live now
- Your name
- Your Grandmother’s name (just pick one)
- Your favourite food
- Your favourite drink
- Your favourite song
- Your favourite smell

Here we go –

Town where I grew up:


Where I live now:


My name:


My Nana’s name:


My favourite food:


My favourite drink:


My favourite song:


My favourite smell:

Not much
This weekend I rented Garden State to watch during ironing. I generally liked it. Actually, my favourite parts were before Natalie Portman showed up.

Other movies I may want to see include:
Napoleon Dynamite
Saved
Schultze Plays the Blues

What do you recommend?

I also cleaned the house, went to a child’s birthday party at a “party centre”, made the best rare tuna with ginger shiitake cream sauce EVER, and

Well, that’s about it.

Tomorrow is the 40th birthday of one of Fresh’s oldest friends. We will be hosting an intimate soiree and I will be making my world famous chocolate cake, decorated to look like a tire. “1965 Goodyear”, it will say. We are having a friend over whom we have not seen since 1991 when we got married. We used in live in his basement briefly in January 1989 before Fresh and I got our own apartment. This is good, but the bad part is that I have to clean the whole house because new guests get "The Grand Tour". Wonder how much he's changed in 14 years... stay tuned.

Thursday is a long awaited Girl’s Night with Crabby and Sister Staceypatrick. I will be taking my bike so I can’t drink too much. Yeah. That’s the ticket. Yes, mom, I'll wear my helmet.

It’s really cool. Here at work (on the 17th floor) they just replaced a big window pane. Two guys had to stand on the ledge outside and position it with suction cups.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Board of Directors...
Writing a speech for an executive and planning a romantic dinner for this evening. (Longtime readers will remember Souterrain.)

Which do you think is getting my undivided attention?

If this van's a rockin'...

Ask The Ice Queen
Nothing to say today except bragging about fitting into my black leather skirt just in time for fall.

So ask me anything. I'll answer. Today YOU control the content.

An Assignment From Crabby
What four things are you most comfortable:
Wearing: Nylons. Seriously. As a whole outfit, it would be nylons and a black knee length short sleeved dress of stretchy material.
Eating: Mashed potatoes are the ultimate comfort food.
Saying: “Fine, be that way.” But everyone knows that. How about: “Yes, that would be lovely.” I’m VERY comfortable saying that.
Doing: I’m great in bed. I can sleep for hours at a time! With a nice blankie and clean crisp sheets and a breeze blowing in the window. After a nice hot bath.

I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough and Doggone It, People Like Me!



I don't really have anything I feel like posting this week. And that's...okay.

The Social Event of the Season
I’ve decided I want to have a cocktail party for my birthday. However, my birthday is on New Year’s Eve. Hence the classic dilemma.

Would you come to my birthday party if I had it on New Year’s Eve? Would you RATHER come to my party than pay $150 a head for a noisemaker and cheap champagne in a plastic flute?

What if I had an early party (like 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm) and sent people on their merry ways to celebrate midnight elsewhere? Personally, I think midnight is overrated anyhow.

Just sounding people out. Tell me what you think.

(37. Yes, really. It’s okay. I don’t look a day over 35.)

The Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince (aged 4 and 3/4)
IP: Mommy, why did you bring Nana's hat home?
Me: I picked it up when I took my coat off of the hook. It was by accident.
IP looks at me blankly.
Me: It was just a mistake.
IP: Oh! You mean it was unintentional!
Me: Wha-?

The boy can't pronounce guitar (he says bitar), but he can use unintentional in a sentence.

I not only look cheap, I AM cheap.
I’m back. Took yesterday as a mental health day. I biked along Queen St. East and visited:
Goodwill on Coxwell, where I purchased a Marilyn Monroe wig for $4. I LOVE it! The crown is sooo 2003. The wig’s the thing.
Value Village on Queen where I refused to pay $30 for a perfect navy blue Bianca Nygard suit.
Cajun Corner where I bought Cajun Spice.
St. Lawrence Market where I bought lunch and squeezed an avocado.
Kensington Market, where I got Ice Prince an airplane cookie and a pair of Oshkosh jeans for $5
Goodwill on Bloor where I bought the gorgeous red dress I am wearing now for $5.99.

Rufus singing in French is the perfect bicycling soundtrack.

Had a stressful morning today, but thanks to Boomer and his team, all ended happily.

I'll be back.

Interviews: What Happened

Interview #1
Thinking I’m not entirely qualified for this, but interviewer (executive search firm guy) is charming. We laugh. I talk. I ask excellent questions. He promises to recommend me to his client.

The job sounds very challenging, but in a good way. I want it.

Interview #2
I am perfectly qualified for this job. After telling me what a difficult and political work environment it is and what a huge mound of work there is, the interviewer asks me TWO PAGES worth of behavioural interview questions, which I patiently answer. My answers only reinforce the fact that I am indeed perfect for this job.

She then begins to act distracted. Tells me that there are two more levels of interviews (giving no indication that I may make it to these). She then tells me that it’s more casual here than the Bank. I (the small talk queen - NOT!) say “Oh, I just came back from another bank location and they were wearing shorts and flip flops. Flip flops at work! Can you imagine?! Ugh!” I look down and she is wearing flip flips. This is the point where the elevator doors open for me to leave.

This Will Give You Serious Heebie-Jeebies

Stay with me and read to the end.

“The storm hit Breton Sound with the fury of a nuclear warhead, pushing a deadly storm surge into Lake Pontchartrain. The water crept to the top of the massive berm that holds back the lake and then spilled over. Nearly 80 percent of New Orleans lies below sea level—more than eight feet below in places—so the water poured in. A liquid brown wall washed over the brick ranch homes of Gentilly, over the clapboard houses of the Ninth Ward, over the white-columned porches of the Garden District, until it raced through the bars and strip joints on Bourbon Street like the pale rider of the Apocalypse. As it reached 25 feet (eight meters) over parts of the city, people climbed onto roofs to escape it.

Thousands drowned in the murky brew that was soon contaminated by sewage and industrial waste. Thousands more who survived the flood later perished from dehydration and disease as they waited to be rescued. It took two months to pump the city dry, and by then the Big Easy was buried under a blanket of putrid sediment, a million people were homeless, and 50,000 were dead. It was the worst natural disaster in the history of the United States.

When did this calamity happen? It hasn't—yet. But the doomsday scenario is not far-fetched.”

--National Geographic, October 2004

When it Rains It Pours
I have a job interview tomorrow and one on Friday. They're panting for it! The Friday one I only applied for two days ago.

Why?
1. I have been applying for jobs which I think I'm underqualified for, but apparently others beg to differ.
2. For both of these jobs I didn't include a cover letter. For the last two jobs I interviewed for I didn't include a cover letter. I hate writing cover letters and figured "What have I got to lose?" Apparently, this saucy* insouciance intrigues people.**
3. I re-added the "Acccomplishements" section to the top of my resume.

The nice part is that I get less nervous each time.

Must go to Goodwill and buy me an interview suit. It's cheaper to do that then get my dry cleaning done.

* Don't you love the word saucy?
**Don't try this at home. I am a professionally-trained stunt communicator.

7 Things I say Most Often
Feel free to add, change or disagree

1) Fine. Be that way.
2) Who’s a handsome boy? Who's a handsome cat? You are! Yes, you are!
3) I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.
4) Oh, man!
5) I'm sooooo bored!
6) Why not?
7) Sweetie (also includes sweetiepie and sweetiecat)

Good Stuff
Biked 24 kilometres. With Ice Prince. We went down into Taylor Creek Park. Saturday we did 12 K and he was a perfect angel. Monday we did 12 more and he had to stop every 2 minutes because “I’m itchy!” “I’m hungry!” “Look at the big jet plane!” “Why can’t I have pizza?” “Isn’t it time for our picnic yet?” “I’m itchy.”

I seem to have lost weight. My stomach is flatter, which is nice. But my clothes now fit weird. Must cut down on the upper body exercises or I’ll have to buy my shirts from brucebanner.com. No, don’t try going there. God only knows what that site really is.

Just had a meeting with the big boss. I do a big quarterly presentation for him, which before my manager would edit and take in and bring back full of red marks. Today, when I did it all myself? No red marks! I ROCK!

And my hair is lovely today. The colour has mellowed nicely

Lunch with Boomer and Lola. A diet bar seems crass, perhaps I’ll go get some California rolls.

Ice Prince started French Immersion Senior Kindergarten today. I feel old.

Inlaws came for dinner on Sunday. It was okay. No, really. Except the part where they gave Ice Prince a bag full of toys RIGHT AT BEDTIME. I picked a bad week to stop taking horse tranquilizers. Mind you…they’re probably low cal….

How was YOUR weekend?

Last Night’s Dinner Conversation or Ice Prince's First Birds and the Bees Question
Ice Prince: Mommy, did I used to be in your tummy?
Me: Yup.
IP: How did I get out?
Fresh and I looked at each other.
Me: Well, there’s this tunnel… and
IP: Did you have to change my diapers in there? In your tummy?
Me: No.
Fresh: You were naked.
IP: Where did the poo go?
Me: Well, any waste products would have come out your belly button.
IP looks at me aghast.
Me: But not anymore. Because it’s tied off, right?
IP: POO CAME OUT OF MY BELLY BUTTON?
Fresh: We do NOT talk about excrement at the dinner table!