Wednesday, March 31, 2004

No Foolin'!
A new picture of the Queen is forthcoming! Rejoice! Boomer is bringing his digital camera tomorrow. so there should be a new photo posted on Monday. The Queen shall be thinking up an appropriate honourary title for Boomer, the Official Photographer of the Queen.

In other news, I won't be posting any April Fools pranks tomorrow because, well, I'm just not that sharp lately. I will, however, be posting a true/false quiz of oddball Canadian Trivia for your edification and enjoyment.

Oh, and I got a wee raise. Nothing to overwhelming, but nice, nonetheless.
I blame Martian chili.

Monday, March 29, 2004

She’s a very freaky girl. The kind you don’t take home to mother.
It’s officially spring. Ice Prince and I saw the first yellow crocuses (croci) this morning.

Spring also means our annual trek north to my sister-in-law’s house where all the tables are made out of glass. Great fun with a toddler, let me tell you. Her dining room is too small, so Ice Prince and I have to sit at the kid’s table in the kitchen with my niece.
Anyhow, last night, Fresh and I were watching the Food Network and saw this. “Hey, “says Fresh, “That would be a cool thing to make for taking up to my family.”

Yes! The opportunity to be creative! Fresh’s family already thinks I’m a bit of a freak, and I tend to perpetuate that view. Should be fun to try making, but I bet it’s not as easy as it looks….. Stay tuned for a progress report. The test kitchen will be trying to make pineapple daisies this weekend.

In other news, Boomer and I are going to some launch party for Fashion Cares on Thursday, which should be cool. It’s at The Mod Club. I’m just sad that I never found white go go boots, but I think I will make a trip to Global Village on my lunch hour and see what’s up in the world of retro secondhand wear. Should I wear the tiara?

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
For those who can't stomach The Passion of the Christ, how about the rerelease of Life of Brian?

Jesus would be rolling over in his grave. If he were still in there.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

FREE MARTHA STEWART!
(With purchase of gracious living guru of equal or greater value.)
Spring! When a young girl's thoughts turn to...
Feeling better today. Probably mainly due to the fact that Ice Prince has finally stopped coughing after 4 weeks and I got a decent night’s sleep. Plus, spring is coming, which means three things:

#1 Patio Watch 2004:
All Church and Bloor readers are hereby on yellow alert for patio weather. Your liver deserves no less. Be prepared. It could happen at any time.

#2 It’s time to once again share with you my favourite spring poem:
Patio Sweaters
by Trevor Kriegel

Patio! Patio! Patio!
Spring's back in town
And I've got a radio!

It's patio time!
We'll drink drinks that call for limes!
The temperature is getting better,
But I still need a lightweight sweater!
It's patio time!

#3 The Ice Queen’s Annual Spring Fashion Statement:
Spring 2004 sees the Ice Queen wearing white gloves. And probably buying some bleach. (for the gloves, not the hair, silly rabbit)

I have been toying with the idea of asking Crabby and Sister to guest blog, since they don't seem to have time for their own blogs anymore. Or we could merge. Or "Corporate Takeover by Ice Queen!" What would we call an amalgamated blog?

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Suicide by Crucifixion. D’oh!
According to the Maine Press Herald, “When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said. It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.
The Return of the Queen
Synopsis:
After languishing in anonymity for three weeks (i.e. napping with the cat), the Queen has triumphantly returned to her rightful place in front of a beige monitor breathing in recirculated air.

Song Playing in my Head: God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols

Friday, March 19, 2004

Test O' The Week

The Pulmonary Function Test on April 2nd, whereby they put me in a plexiglass box, make me breathe carbon monoxide and then measure how much carbon monoxide I breathe out.

Maybe they figure if they try hard enough, they can kill me and then they won't have to make a diagnosis.

Why do none of these tests involve pedicures and Shiraz?

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

It's St. Patrick's Day
And I'm magically delicious.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Test of the Week

The Nuclear Lung Scan

Oh sure, it doesn't sound pretty, but it's got to be better than the Barium Enema listed on the left sidebar.

Monday, March 08, 2004

If Simpsons Characters Mated

Note: Use the scroll bar right next to the pictures, not the one on your browser.
Sigh. Of course I am.

I'm so like Marge!

I'm Marge, who are you?
Odds and ends
1. I didn't tell you about when my parents were down about two weeks ago. They have a new obsession. Orginally, I thought it was just my dad, but my mom is right in on it too.

They each have a Gameboy.

2. My slippers are black satin with green feathers on them.

3. Gay marriage: good. Planned C-sections without medical reasons (being a woose is not a medical reason): very very bad.

4. Oscars: I could do better. Event planning I mean.

5. I get to go out to Girl's Night on Saturday!

6. Stupid bloody snow. I left my boots at work. Why do we live in Canada? Why won't Fresh surprise me and take me somewhere warm? Why doesn't Dr. H prescribe that I spend the rest of March someplace warm, with seafood and wine and cats?

7. If I had a rocket launcher, I'd probably paint it a really nice colour.

Friday, March 05, 2004

And I'll Have Fun Fun Fun Now That Hibbert Took the TBird Away

I don't have TB -- yet anyway. I get another test next week. I just have some mystery condition that makes me sleep 16 hours a day and get pneumonia every other month.

So, I get to see a Respirologist. And I get to drink until they decide what the next round of meds will be. (This morning, I opened my cupboard and a bunch of pill bottles fell on my head. Naturally, I started singing: "It's Raining Meds, Hallelujah! It's Raining Meds! Hey, hey!" As Fresh would say, "At least you still have your sense of humour."

I am soooo sick of this stupid house. I'm sick of Ellen Degeneres and I'm even sick of the plotline on Coronation Street.

I have some art supplies I bought at the end of my last convalescence, so I am going to paint Fresh a picture today. If I can stay awake that long.

Send lesbian porn. Which reminds me, did you know that The Beaver is a magazine about Canadian History? What a disappointment.

P.S. to Readers: No, I'm not a lesbian, but I play one on TV.
P.P.S. to Readers: I'm not really on TV. But open to offers.

Monday, March 01, 2004

This Post Sponsored By Reynolds Saran Wrap®
Dr. Hibbert: So, we got the CT results back. Good news. There's no sign of cancer. (Dr. H looks visibly relieved)
Me: Good...
Dr. H: But it does show scarring from past tuberculosis.
Me: I've never had tuberculosis.
Dr H: (big pause) Oh dear. Had any night sweats?
Me: Yeah...last week.
Dr. H: (another big pause) Oh dear. I think we'll give you a TB test. Come back on Wednesday for the results. And take the rest of the week off and rest. You look exhausted.

Tuberculosis used to be fatal and all, but not any more, so don't worry. Boomer, don't tell my boss yet, I'll call her. (She's a bit of an alarmist when it comes to sickness. She'll probably wrap my workstation in Saran®) Besides, I may not have it. But if I don't, why did Dr. H say when I came in on Wednesday that I could jump queue and not wait in the waiting room?

And thanks to Sister for the flowers. They've bloomed and they rook mah-velous, darlink. And smell good too.