Thursday, February 23, 2006

Today I Salute Robot Johnny for Giving Me A Warmer Soupy Butt

The tears are running down my face.

I LOVE THIS!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Ice Queen Goes Off On A Tangent
In which Ice Queen cracks the story on the seamy underbelly of lapin/alkaline marketing and dangerous toxic chemicals

Which battery company uses a pink bunny as a mascot? Energizer, right? Not so fast, cowboy. Check this out:

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WTF? Energizer should sue. This is a Chinese package*, but still this is clearly copyright infringement. Or is it?

Nope! Duracell first used a pink bunny (and still does in Europe and apparently Asia). The Energizer Bunny was brought out to parody the original Duracell bunny.

Now you know the facts. Don’t you feel better?

*Why are my batteries from China? Isn’t there some sort of import law? Don’t we make Duracell batteries here in Canada? Or are all batteries made in China?

When I go to research, I find the rebate offer on the Duracell Canada home page expired Dec. 31, 2005. And the contest has expired too. For shame!

More digging, leads me to FAQs, where I find:

There are Chinese letters on your batteries. What does it mean?
The characters indicate that the batteries are mercury free.


Cool! It DOES say that on my package. Say…why would I want mercury free batteries? Why do the Chinese get mercury free batteries and not ME? Time for more digging.

China has developed a number of laws targeting mercury content in batteries. These were among the first design-for-environment laws in China that focus on specific products.”

Why?

“Substandard batteries from China and Southeast Asia are poisoning Taiwan with increasing levels of mercury and other hazardous mineral waste, ruling Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) Legislator-at-Large Wang Jung-chang (???) claimed.”

Oh. Do North America batteries have mercury in them?

“Mercury battery (also called mercuric oxide battery, or mercury cell) is a non-rechargeable electrochemical battery, a primary cell. Due to the content of mercury, and the resulting environmental concerns, the sale of mercury batteries is banned in many countries.”

Yes, but in Canada?

“With respect to batteries, the industry has voluntarily reduced the concentrations and use of mercury in the majority of batteries, with the exception of some specialized batteries. According to the Council, in light of the industry’s “voluntary commitment to essentially eliminating mercury from batteries in Canada, it is unlikely that a standard is necessary to ensure environmental releases are minimized,” with the possible exception of a standard for those few applications where mercury continues to be used in batteries.”

Uh huh. So that would be a definite “kind of”.

I could go on, but the topic grows tiresome. This is the time on Sprockets when we dance!

You may touch my monkey.
Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince
“Nana, guess what I had for dinner! Three pieces of pizza, a big chocolate cookie and two burps!”

Editor's Note: Seriously, it's been a real Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast kind of week. More postings soon.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Conspiracy Theory
Weird...my post about Cheney has disappeared. Completely. I've never had that happen.

Think I've been censored?
Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince

Fresh starts his new job today. Here's Ice Prince's advice as Fresh headed out the door:

"Daddy? Don't get upset if they don't have candy at your new office like they have at Mommy's office. And if they do have candy and you don't like it, just say "no thank you" because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings."

Ice Prince. Future Diplomat.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Do Not Adjust Your Set
No, I'm okay, really. Just busy. I had great things to say about how I keep confusing Chris Martin from Coldplay with Hugh Laurie from House, and I had planned to make a celever pun about Cheney shooting Quayle, but I don't have time.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Part of a Complete Breakfast (rum not included)
Gives a whole new meaning to my Nana's old expression "I could just eat him with a spoon!"

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Bummer!

I am dismayed upon putting “Pro Tour” through the anagram generator to discover the hidden meanings of my butt message. The first one especially worries me:

POOR RUT
ROTOR UP
TOO PURR
OUR PORT
POUR TOR
POUR ROT

I want my $3.99 back!
The Money Shot
It's not easy taking a picture of your own butt, but here it is:
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It says "PRO TOUR".

No, I don't know why. The front has some little logo about the "SS Super Sexy". Maybe it means like I'm a Professional Lady nod, nod, wink, wink. What do YOU think?

Thanks for playing! Watch for Eva's new line of street clothing coming soon!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Hell Freezes Over...Pigs Fly....
I just bought a pair of track pants with WORDS ON THE ASS.

I didn't want to, but I'm going to the gym tonight and they were only $3.99 at the fall-off-the-truck store. And they are comfy. I could become trailer trash if I weren't so vain.

I'll try to get a picture of them tonight.

In the meantime, try to guess what they say. No, not Wide Load.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Adventures in Corporate Communications
I’m putting together some activities for a team building session. While surfing for new ideas on the ‘net, I found this gem:

Walk-A-Bout
Purpose of this activity: To encourage team members to take time to effectively problem solve by creating win-win solutions to important challenges.
Explanation: At your next staff meeting instruct all team members to arrive with their walking shoes on. (No high heels for the team building game.)

Divide your team into groups of three or more. Assign each group to a specific problem that the team is responsible for. In each group, assign a timekeeper, a scribe (someone to take notes), and a crossing guard (watch out for traffic!).

Each group will physically take a long walk outside. The goal here is take people outside their normal working routines. Critical thinking is supported as people are challenged to work outside their normal mode of operation. Let each group know that upon their return they will be expected to present their win-win solution to the larger group for consideration.

Part of their presentation must include some sort of key message that was inspired by something they saw outside during their Walk-A-Bout. The purpose here is to have some fun and add some creativity to the process. Reward and recognize those teams that provide the most unique and effective win-win solutions.


Okay, so let me get this straight. You send people for a walk and ask them to come back with a great idea? And someone actually took the time to write out the instructions for this activity? Now if you'll excuse me I have some deliverables to execute unsing cross-functional synergy.

Monday, February 06, 2006

There’s a new sheriff in town
I just love it when CityPulse updates their pictures before they update their headlines.
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Sunday, February 05, 2006

She Is Canadian
Sharkey hits on Maria, as per usual.
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Zoolander aka Jeremy
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Pouty Rannie
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Joey, Fresh and Wendy
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Gretzky showed, which I thought was nice.
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And David Gilmour swung by.
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Maria. Isn’t she lovely?
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Clara and Karen
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Brett
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Clara’s Bible Belt
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And me.
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Friday, February 03, 2006

ROAD TRIP!
Next weekend, I will be travelling to Ottawa en famille to visit some friends, drink some wine, skate on the canal, and allow Fresh to bid adieu to all things federal governmenty. Like the sweet guy he always stayed with up in Ottawa. He runs a bed and breakfast and we were even staying there when we got engaged back on Valentine’s Day in 1990.

In other news, I get to go to a Corporate Communications Conference in Chicago! I’ve never been to Chicago. I haven’t even been on a plane since 1999. I’ll be on my own – it’ll be so cool. Bad news: it spans Fresh’s 40th birthday, so we’ll have to have the big party before or after. I feel badly, but he understands. I think I feel worse than he does.

I’m such a nerd. I’ll be learning about speechwriting and how to better communicate about compensation and how to blog for your boss to increase employee engagement (CYA- this blog is purely for work-related research purposes.) LOVE it! So would Crabby.

Okay, okay. Insanely busty. Back to work. I mean insanely BUSY. I was going to delete my typo, but maybe it was Freudian.

And don’t forget, you can see Ice Queen and Fresh at Maria’s Canadian Citizenship Party tomorrow. One Night Only! Don’t miss this exclusive opportunity to rubs elbows with Toronto blogging glitterati. And I finally have a digital camera to capture it all. Sassy!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Update
Such excitement! Fresh has a new job as a Consultant Media and Government Relations. He starts on Feb 20th, so he may still have a chance to work a wee bit for what looks like will be the !nterim L!beral Leader before he goes.

Me, I seem to be very busy, doing a total rehaul of our Intranet site here at the Behemoth. I’m travelling around doing focus groups. Oh and I started up an Editorial Advisory Board for our newsletter. Who knew participatory democracy could be so time consuming?

And now that Fresh is free of the election, I’ll be returning to the gym. Most importantly, I’ve got a new battery for the mp3 player, so I am ready to sweat with the oldies. And by old, I mean 1980s.

On Saturday, I will be attending Maria’s citizenship party. I will NOT be wearing the tiara, but I think I’ll be wearing a red dress. Watch for me!

We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming..

(Crabby is cringing at the fact that I capitalized Intranet, I know she is!)