NEW Episode of Ice Queen Sings!
Fresh and I bought elk medallions at an organic butcher. I wanted to make it last night, but Fresh wanted to wait. “Okay,” I thought, “On Friday, we’ll have elk.”

And then I began to sing. (If you don’t know the tune – shame!)

Friday, We’ll Have Elk

I don't care if Monday's goose
Tuesday - boar and Wednesday moose
Thursday we’ll have caribou
But Friday, we’ll have elk

Monday you can eat a ham
Tuesday, Wednesday – rack of lamb
Thursday all that’s left is spam
But Friday we’ll have elk

Saturday -- steak
And Sunday maybe a clambake
But Friday, never hesitate...

I don't care if Monday’s veal
Tuesday, Wednesday – pickled eel
Thursday, jello - well-congealed
But Friday, we’ll have elk

Monday, you can have some bread
Tuesday, Wednesday – garlic spread
Or Thursday – in an oyster bed
But Friday we’ll have elk

Saturday -- steak
And Sunday maybe a clambake
But Friday, never hesitate...

Making sweet potato fries
It's a wonderful surprise
To see my cakes and my souffle rise
Or making caramel
And just smiling at the smell
And to taste as I baste
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
‘cause Friday, we’ll have elk.

I don't care if Monday's goose
Tuesday - boar and Wednesday moose
Thursday we’ll have caribou
But Friday, we’ll have elk

Monday you can eat a ham
Tuesday, Wednesday – rack of lamb
Thursday all that’s left is spam
But Friday we’ll have elk

Picnic in the Park with Maria

IQ: Congratulations on winning lunch with me! This is a great park. I brought a picnic.
M: Looks great. I can’t believe you brought a tablecloth.
IQ: Of course!
M: Let’s see, there’s sundried tomatoes, and cheese, and salami and prociutto.
IQ: And apple and pear.
M: Are you still on a diet?
IQ: Sort of maintenance my way. I try new things and see if they make me gain weight. Today: bread! waving a demi baguette
IQ: Hey, what’s wrong?
M: You’ll never guess who phoned me this weekend.
IQ: Fat guy?
M: No.
IQ: SHARKEY?!**
M: Yes. Of course he wants me back. He says he’s sorry about his behaviour, but that now he’s clean and sober.
IQ: You’ve got to be kidding. Don’t do it.
M: I’m not getting back with him. In fact if he comes around, he’d better watch out because these things are loaded.
IQ: Your fingers?
M: I’m lethal. Like a cat. Rrrwooor!
IQ: Ooooookaaaaay….. Well, let’s eat.
M: I got the weirdest message on my answering machine telling me that Edward Blake was taken to the hospital from his nursing home. I don’t know anyone by that name.
IQ: Edward Blake has been dead for a century, I think. Didn’t he write “Tiger, tiger burning bright, in the forests of the night…” No, that was William Blake. Edward Blake was the second premier of Ontario...
IQ: Maria? Hello?
M: I was just thinking about Sharkey again.
IQ: You’re going to give in.
M: No way. I’m strong.
IQ: You’ll take one look at his rippling dorsal fin and you’ll be a goner again.
M: Sigh. You’re right. You’re so right. But his skin was amazing. Firm yet slippery. Kind of like…
IQ: Sushi?
M: No! Besides, what’s wrong with a little horizontal mambo between friends?
IQ: I thought you were into flamenco.
M: Mmmmm...his skin was kind of like this bocconcini.....
IQ; I thought you were lactose intolerent.
M: You think too much.

**Sharkey is a local bon vivant (read: unruly drunk) who has an on again/ off again affair going on with Maria.

Coming Soon (Tomorrow, Perhaps?)

A Conversation Gesture Post® with contest winner Maria. Yes! Today was our lunch, and I pulled out all the stops.

THRILL to the beautiful surroundings
GASP at the scintillating conversation
DROOL at the amazing food

Stay tuned.

Want your own lunch with the Ice Queen? Tell me why you deserve one in 50 words or less. Use the word "sassy" somewhere in your plea.

Dream Date With The Ice Queen

I need to get out. What do you suggest we do? Where will you take me, who will we bring along, when and what will we do?
Karaoke?
Dancing to 80s music?
Pole dancing?
Dwarf tossing?

If I like your idea, I'll dress up in full Ice Queen regalia and we'll go! (I don't put out. I'm looking for a purely platonic time, thanks.)

Seriously! Calgon, take me away!

What am I doing this weekend?

Tonight we are having dinner on the Danforth followed by grocery shopping (has to be done) and a quick peek in the Thift Shop.

Tomorrow and Sunday, probably a lot of time at the local pool, and I am going to read THIS. It will be magnificent. I've wanted it for weeks and today it was 30% off!

How about you?

Tour de Pants
I'm wearing my pants today. If you are in the Greater Toronto Area, you may want to drop by and have a look.

They're okay, I guess. But I still prefer skirts. Yes, I'm wearing nylons under the pants. Natch!

The "Taking My Ball and Going Home" Award Goes to....
In other news, Fresh asked the guy who put in a piece of eavestrough to adjust it a bit, so the guy came over and took the whole piece away and then hung up when Fresh phoned to inquire why he just didn't adjust it. Some contractors are so sensitive!

The Apocalypse is Imminent
I bought a pair of jeans yesterday.
I also bought a pant suit. (it was an Emma James! For $24.99! I was forced, dear reader!)

In Other News
On Saturday, we went to see Great Big Sea at the Molson Amphitheatre. Fantastic. However, I think a challenge was issued to Joey when Alan Doyle said “I do believe this is the largest group ever to dance to accordion music.”

Consider the gauntlet thrown.

I Am A Working Mom
Hey,
I'm don’t wear Mom jeans or fanny pack
and I don't drive a mini van,
or go to Chucky Cheese
or cook with Lipton Onion Soup Mix.
I am NOT Dionne Warwick and I am NOT part of the psychic moms network
Unless you send a note home, I won’t know that tomorrow is Crazy Hat Day

I wear nylons, not track pants
I have hobbies
And some of them don’t include my son

I can’t make 24 nut-free treats with 8 hours notice
And no, I wouldn’t dream of buying them
Or making them from a mix
I’d be happy to order a sushi tray

I have my own life.
I could care less about my son’s bowel movements
And even less about YOUR son’s
I think it’s rude to drop your kids off at a birthday party
And come back for them at the end.
What’s with THAT?

I have no clue about
The politics of Little League Soccer
Or the secret password required for registration
Which was apparently handed out at the most recent playdate
Which I can’t attend
Because it’s Wednesday afternoons.

To pick my kid up at day camp
By 5:00 pm
Or pay $1 for each minute over is insane
And yet, I manage

My son is the one
Who knows what a ramekin is
And wants to play the accordion
He hasn’t seen Spiderman
Or Superman
Or the Power Rangers
But he thinks the Queer Eye theme music is good to dance to

I am the Ice Queen
And I am a working mom!

Thank you.

The Canadian Literature Waistband Challenge

And the answer is:

EIGHT! (8)
1. Michael Ondaatje, In the Skin of a Lion
2. Susanna Moodie, Roughing It In the Bush
3. Jane Rule, Desert of the Heart
4. Robert Kroetsch, Badlands
5. Hugh McClennan, The Watch That Ends the Night
6. Farley Mowat, Never Cry Wolf
7. Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye
8. Margaret Laurence, The Fire-Dwellers

The winner is: Maria, who guessed 9. Congratulations! Where shall we lunch?

Thanks to everyone for playing!

Let’s Get This Party Started!

I had a great day. It felt like my mojo came back. Suddenly I had a head full of so many great ideas that I couldn’t write them all down. Naturally, the Ice Queen Joie de Vie has incubated a contest for you loyal readers who probably thought I had forsaken you.

I have now lost about 25 lbs. Today, cycling into work in my favourite denim skirt, I nearly experienced a wardrobe malfunction. It is waaaay too big. So here’s a contest:

How many Canadian works of fiction (okay, one’s not fiction, I guess) can I fit in the waistband of my skirt? It’s not a stretchy skirt.

The winner will receive lunch with ME! In the case of a tie, the winner must also correctly name as many of the authors and books as possible. Previous winners are eligible. Transportation to lunch spot not included. Void where prohibited.

GO! Contest closes at noon EST, Friday July 7th.