Susan Clarke`s Violent Torpedo of Behavioural Interview Questions

I have several job interviews a week.  Talking about my self for an hour at a time a few times a week feels like a version of Charlie Sheen's Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour.  Love me.  LOVE ME!!!!!!! I'm Awesome! "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."

And sometimes I feel like Tom from the movie Office Space: " I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"

It`s really exhausting talking about yourself.  I begin to forget which anecdotes I have told and which bon mots I have used. I do enjoy dressing up in nice clothes again instead of bleach stained black cotton.

Most of the jobs are in Internal Communications for Megacorporations (because that`s how I roll, beeyotch!), but I did interview for (and would love) to run an instore cooking school. (Sadly the pay wold be much less, but it would be very satisfying I think). I ran across this and without talking too much about Charlie Sheen, I do like it and find it inspiration should I teach cooking:

Boy, Boy For Sale, He's Going Cheap, Only Seven Shillings!

So Ice Prince and I have been hanging out for March Break.  You may wonder what we've been up to.  He plays a lot of video games. He's checkmated me at chess 9 times out of 10.  And we're writing a book!  It's going to be awesome. It's an ABC book about a mom who's telling her kid to go to sleep, but he keeps making noise and doing crazy things.  Do you think R is for Rastarfarians works? Oh and this afternoon we (by his request) will be playing Iron Chef.  The secret ingredient is.....ZUCCHINI!

So Ice Prince is 10 now and developing some major attitude.  Is it his teen hormones kicking in? What if he's a teen when I hit menopause? Maybe I could take his excess hormones to replace my depleting ones.  We could have a dialysis machine. Suppose that would work better with a girl teen...not sure I want testosterone, although maybe I might get a six pack. The only six pack I have right now can be returned for deposit.

(Real son, not as pictured.
That's Mark Lester)

Holy Cow P.S.!  Mark Lester portrayed Oliver in the movie from which the title of this post was taken. Well guess what!
"Lester was a close friend of Michael Jackson from 1982 until Jackson's death in 2009, and Jackson chose him to be godfather to the children. In August 2009, Lester gave an interview to the British tabloid newspaper News of the World, claiming that he could be the biological father of Paris Katherine Jackson, the late singer's daughter. Lester claimed to have been a sperm donor for Jackson in 1996, and announced that he was willing to take a paternity test to determine whether he was the father."

OMG, everybody!

A-ha!

So Charlie Sheen has not yet responded to my intern application and yesterday was the deadline for his reply.  Guess it's back to banks and insurance companies for me.

Oh!  New internet sensation Rebecca Black's video Friday is making the rounds.  Have a listen. Oh, please do, it's worth it. It'll make you feel like it's 1985 again!  Now... do you think it's better than Robin Sparkles?  It's Video Smackdown!

Misery Bear Goes to Work

This made me laugh. I think the sandwich was my favourite part.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clips/p00dxtxf/misery_bear_misery_bear_goes_to_work/

Today is the first day of my next (yet to be determined) new adventure

So it's 5:45.  Normally, I would be catching the first subway train to the cafe right now.  Instead, I'm watching Mary Tyler Moore reruns in my housecoat.  Don't worry, I won't become lazy and luxurious.  I'm heading in to the cafe around 8 am and I'll hang around a bit to make sure Silvia's doing alright.  Then I will be heading to Ice Prince's school to watch him compete in the public speaking finals!  This is amazing because:
1. I have the freedom to attend something in the middle of the day!
2. Ice Prince is excelling in public speaking! (Okay, to anyone who has met him, this is no surprise whatsoever. Getting him to STOP talking about stuff he loves would be an achievement.)
3. He actually wants me to go despite my ongoing threat to bring a foam finger.

5:55 am and I wold normally be turning on the ovens and mixing the muffins. And I'm sitting here in my housecoat watching Mary Tyler Moore. I'm going to turn on some coffee (yes, the same Reunion Island coffee, once you try it you can't go back).

It's raining outside, which I love. (Raining inside, not so much.)

I read in the Eye Weekly paper that a 39 year old elephant at the Toronto Zoo was euthanized because she had arthritis in her feet. If anyone from the Toronto Zoo asks about me, please pretend you haven't seen me. Thanks.

So maybe you're here because you saw that the Cafe was closing and you wanted to keep in touch with me, Susan, as I ease back into civilian life.  Welcome!

I used to blog daily before we opened the cafe.  I'd lke to get back into it.

I am currently interviewing for jobs in Internal Communications Management, which is what I spent 10 years doing.  I've had two face to face interviews I am pretty psyched about, so we'll see how those pan out.

Feel free to dig around in the archives.  I'm a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

Back, like a Bad Rash.

So I'm back blogging.  It's been about two years.  So what's happened in the meantime?

• I turned 40.  With little fanfare. I wanted fanfare!  But we were busy..
• I opened a cafe.  It's wonderful, it's horrible.
•  My older cat died (Mel).
• My younger cat got older.
• Ice Prince turned 10.  
• I got one grey hair which promptly fell out.  No more followed.
• I haven't dyed my hair ONCE.
• I chopped off all my hair. Then I grew it back.
• I lost weight. I gained weight. Lather, rinse, repeat.
• I lost contact with many friends.  Which makes me sad.
• I laughed, I cried. I went through all the emotions. It was much better than Cats..

Anyhow, I am in a period of reinvention.  I have a secret. (We've sold the cafe.  Sssshhhh....We'll be announcing it soon.) So I'm looking for a new job. Anyone need me?

Oh, there are lots of reasons involving money and time and security and stuff. I'm mostly okay with it, although it is bittersweet.

So, we're caught up now.  How have YOU been? You're looking good. Have you been working out?

Ice Queen is Back!  And talking about...SPORTS?!

The bitch is back, so let's start off slowly, shall we?

Why do they have fights in hockey, but not so much in other team sports?  Is it because they drop their gloves to signify the start of a fight and other teams sports don't require gloves?  If two soccer players got in a fight, would they only be allowed to use their feet?

These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

Again.

Ice Queen a hit on Cheezburger!

Checkout de funniez.

Save your forks, 'cause we got apple pie



This is what I made in Baking class. It rocks, eh? One step close to Freedom 55, where I open my cafe: Bisous. Investors welcome. Meanwhile in about a year, I plan to freelance, supplying desserts to local cafes.

Nothin' in My Noggin!
So it's Saturday and I'm in the in between period between the old job and the new job. I finished everything well, so I don't have any worries about unfinished projects. And all I know about the new one is I'm on a project team that will start meeting in February. So right now there's nothing much in my brain, and it's a weird feeling. And I get a laptop, and possibly a RIM.

So at my farewell lunch yesterday, someone said they would miss my counter culture subversiveness. (Hey, in a bank it's not that tough to be quirky.) I hope the new department appreciates that. Maybe I should be a freelance subversive. I'll try not to wear the tiara on the first day, otherwise I'm just going to be myself.

Reminder to all that my 40th birthday is on New Year's Eve, so be prepared to receive an invitaion to something in about six months. I probably won't do it on New Year's Eve proper because everyone always claims they'll be available, and the no one is when it rolls around. So plan ahead! I'm only going to turn 40 once. Also any party suggestions are welcome.

Okay, Colin tells me that our board game intermission is over, so I have to go.

My Gift To You: Steven Banks

I made this list for a friend at work, but I will share:

Because you tube only allows you to put up 10 minutes of video per part, this is divided into 7 parts. It was first broadcast as a one hour special on HBO in 1989. Watch in order. SO funny, especially if you like old rock and rock. Even Colin thought it was hilarious.

Fun fact: Since 2004, Steven Banks has been Head Writer for SpongeBob Squarepants. He is also best friends with Penn from the gross-out magic duo Penn and Teller.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

I’m With the Band
Meme from Joey the Accordion Guy, via lots of other people
How to make you Dadaist hypothetical album cover.
1. The first article title on the Wikipedia Random Articles page is the name of your band.
2. The last four words of the very last quotation on the Random Quotations page is the title of your album.
3. The third picture in Flickr's Interesting Photos From The Last 7 Days will be your album cover.
4. Use your graphics programme of choice to throw them together, and post the result.

I don't have time to make the links. Go to Joey and get them.

Here’s mine and it ROCKS! What are the odds of me getting a female band name, a female quote and a female picture? It’s fate! I must start this band. What’s YOUR album cover?

Ice Prince Dances!
The song he is dancing to is The Pie Song from the movie Waitress. I began singing it to him as a lullaby and he loves it.

Take This Job And…Pack It In Big Plastic Boxes To Move

Welcome to my last week at my job. I have loaded my mp3 player with lots of related songs and I thought, “Why not share the bounty?”

So if you would like one of my “Ice Queen Moves On” CDs, leave me a comment in the message board, including the one thing you think I should do during my last week here. The track list is eclectic, to say the least.

And if you’d like to recommend any songs about leaving, starting over, moving on, etc, please do. Always looking for new stuff.

Speaking of which, thanks to the people on Facebook’s Compare People who voted me Best Body, but what’s with not voting me Best Taste in Music? Doesn’t everyone appreciate 80’s music and novelty songs?

Oh, yeah, the new job. Still at the Behemoth. Still Communications Manager, new department. Extra week of vacation. Little bit more pay (probably amounts to a Grande Skinny Mocha Latte per week, which I must add are fantastic and only 90 calories at Starbucks. )To be located near St Patrick Station. So if you have any lunch or shop recommendation for that area (Art Gallery, Queen West) bring ‘em on.

In other news, my new camera has a half decent movie camera, so I may try a video post one of these days.

One last thing: We saw the movie Once on Saturday. You must see it. The music is amazing, especially “Falling Slowly”. It seems very Kevin Fox-esque. Which is a good thing.

Quitting: Not Another New Year's Resolution
I have a bad habit of thinking twice about quitting.

I remember when I quit my Master’s (Library and Information Science) I felt so guilty. I can’t quit something! That’s just wrong! I’m weak. I’m a bad person. No one will respect me. Turns out everyone cheered when I quit – no one thought I was the librarian type.

So I have a week and a half (less) until I start my new job and I’m feeling the same feelings. Yes, it’s the right decision. Absolutely. But I still feel like a quitter. Will they survive without me? Of course! It wouldn’t be as much fun around here, but I am planning on posting a photo essay on my cubicle entitled: “Hair today, gone tomorrow: A retrospective of Susan’s hair colour and weight over the past 10 years.”

So what else has happened since we last spoke? Chef School ROCKS. I got an A in Food Theory and I completed Southern Italian Cooking (an no-grade course.) Next up: Basic Baking which I start on Sunday. I figured that it’s easier to freelance with baked goods than with Hollandaise. Although I do love the term “monter au beurre” – it sounds dirty!

For Christmas I got a set of Lagostina pots and pans and for my birthday I got a big ass red enamel Kitchenaid roaster. It’s like a work of art!

I have managed to stay out of the Forest of Darkness, although I got pretty close right before New Year’s. So far 2008 is shaping up to be great, so I think there are no worries there.

More later. I have to start the new posting somewhere, right?

Merry Catmas from The Office
Catmas is the brainchild of evil genius Joey DeVilla

He Who Smelt It, Dealt It
Guess where I went to high school?

There but for the grace of God go I
Some poor temp is in for a crappy day.