Wednesday, April 27, 2011

In Roman Holiday, there is a Vespa and no Cats are Harmed

So I changed the blog template to a gas flame from a stove.  I thought maybe I should change my blog name to "Gas Queen" but.....

New topic: I hate the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. HATE.  I feel like I should like it, feel as if I lose some cool cred disliking it, but I do not like it, Sam I am!  Here's why:

  • Tiffany’s is a boring store. If I were to gaze into a window, it would be Pet Smart,  LCBO, Pusateri’s… yeah. Breakfast at Pusateri’s staring at the giant reserved wheels of Parmesan Reggiano. Swoon!
  • Sally Tomato, Sing Sing, Drugs
  • Refusing to name her cat.
  • Rusty Trawler
  • Mickey Rooney
  • Lula Mae Barnes.
  • Cracker Jack (cliche and the prizes are no good anymore, just stickers, and there are barely any peanuts now)
  • Brazil?
  • Holly throws the cat from the taxi into the pouring rain.
FULL STOP. 

I don’t care if it’s just a movie. You don’t do that. EVER.  Luckily, “Cat” was a consummate actor named Orangey who went on to win two “Oscars” (the Patsy, for animals) one of which was for his own movie Rhubarb BEFORE Breakfast at Tiffany’s so neener neener neener.


Moon River is okay, but only when Nelson Muntz is in the audience.


And I do love Deep Blue Something's song Breakfast at Tiffany's. Which always bothered me, until I found out that the movie he wrote the song about was actually Roman Holiday, but that didn't sound as good.

Monday, April 18, 2011

You Can't Always Get What You Want
Have you ever rented a car?  90% of the time they don't have the car you reserved and they give you a different one.  "Sorry, but we're out of compacts...but we've got an 8 cylinder Chrysler Behemoth instead!"  What is the point of reserving if you don't get what you reserved?  Can you imagine this happening in other businesses?
  • "Sorry, we ran out of roast beef sandwiches, so I brought you tuna salad."
  • "We don't have those jeans in a size 8, but here's a size 16!"
  • "We didn't have any blonde dye left, so I made you a redhead!"
  • "Well, we ran out of King sized bed rooms, but we have this great bunk bed room for your honeymoon!"
  • "I didn't know how to do that little Chinese character you wanted tatooed on your back, so I did Hello Kitty, but I gave you an extra large one to make up for it!"

Oh, and while I'm here, how does Just For Men haircolour know what colour to make your hair? They only have 4 colours! I wish I were a man just to see if it worked.  I know I could try it anyway, but I don't have any grey hair yet. Not for lack of trying.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Susan Clarke`s Violent Torpedo of Behavioural Interview Questions

I have several job interviews a week.  Talking about my self for an hour at a time a few times a week feels like a version of Charlie Sheen's Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour.  Love me.  LOVE ME!!!!!!! I'm Awesome! "I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."

And sometimes I feel like Tom from the movie Office Space: " I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"

It`s really exhausting talking about yourself.  I begin to forget which anecdotes I have told and which bon mots I have used. I do enjoy dressing up in nice clothes again instead of bleach stained black cotton.

Most of the jobs are in Internal Communications for Megacorporations (because that`s how I roll, beeyotch!), but I did interview for (and would love) to run an instore cooking school. (Sadly the pay wold be much less, but it would be very satisfying I think). I ran across this and without talking too much about Charlie Sheen, I do like it and find it inspiration should I teach cooking: