Thursday, June 30, 2005

Sharing the Love
Check out Brett's post today. Good stuff.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Marriage is an Institution
I'm on vacation until Monday, but I just wanted to say kudos to the gang up in Ottawa for passing the Same Sex Marriage Bill.

And what's with Harper saying the Bloc's vote shouldn't count because their separatists? The Bloc's vote was good enough for him when trying to defeat the budget.

And I am available should anyone need wedding or event planning services.

Speaking of which, today is my 14th Wedding Anniversary. the traditional gifts are ivory and gold jewelery, so keep those pianos and cocktail rings coming!

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Me-ow!
Newspapers today report that Tom Cruise hopes Nicole Kidman will attend his wedding because he thinks it's important that their kids be there.

Because Katie shouldn't have to sit alone at the kid's table.
My paparazzi moment
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(Not the best picture of me and Fresh, but who cares?)

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I'm a Paisley Girl in a Rainbow World. I'm Plastic...It's Fantastic!
Yes, we met R.ick M.ercer on Friday night at the party. We spoke for about ten minutes. He's very quiet. I think he was afraid we would fawn. In fact, no one else seemed to want to come up to talk to him. Their loss. We chatted about the neighbourhood (we live vaguely in the same area.) His partner was charming. Fresh at the end asked for a picture. The camera jammed shortly thereafter, so I may or may not have a picture. One musn't drink and shoot, I suppose. I'll try taking it to the one hour photo today.

Talked Enza into coming to a fundraiser we're having for the Behemoth in October. Saw Ir.shad (several times and after the run). Brent Hawkes' partner loved my earrings, and loved the fact that I confided that they were from Goodwill. Schmoozed. Had a lovely time. Got a temporary tattoo from a lovely boy, whose name I never found out. "More Than You Expect", it read. Wonder what I was unconsciously advertising? Oh well.

Saturday was the run. I wore the hula outfit as soon to be illustrated. Fresh and Ice Prince came. Right before the race, a silence fell over the crowd, broken by a wee soprano voice yelling : "GO, MOMMY, GO!" That's my boy! I saw Mikevil (actually pinched his butt around the 1K mark), Just Mark and Pooky. Boomer showed up for the end and took my picture. I have never been soon friggin hot in my life. I honestly thought I might faint, but I made it to the finish line. I raised my hands in triumph...and smacked a pro-runner right in the face. Oopsie! Boomer was very impressed with my A-list connections -- or pretended to be. I raised $230 and won a $50 gift certificate to Curbside Cycle. My first reaction was "Cool, I won!". My second reaction was "That's all I feel like right now is more exercise." Still, bonus! And I get a $25 Starbucks certif for raising over $150. Mmmmm....Grande Non-fat vanilla latte and a pumpkin scone FOUR TIMES!

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Photo Credit: Terry Marsh Photographic Arts and Twink Wrangling

Hey, I also ran into Snobby! He recognized me on the street. Okay, I stood out a WEE bit. He was doing a survey of gay men's habits. I offered Ice Prince, since he is undeclared at this point, but Snobby declined, saying there were questions about sex. Too bad. The answers would have been worth the price of admission!

What else? Oh, it's all a blur. More as it comes back to me.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince
We're trying to wean IP off his habit of going straight to his grandparents for cookies after school. We got home last night:
IP: Can I have cookies, Nana? Pleeeeeease?
Nana: How about some popcorn?
IP: Pleeeeeeease? I've been good?
GP (Grandpa): Don't give in...
IP: Pleeeeeeease?
Nana: How about popcorn instead?
IP: Pleeeeeease? Just one? Pleeeeease? Just one cookie?
Nana: Okay. Just one.
IP: Yes! (mutters:) Perhaps I should have asked for more.....
Sausages, Ri.ck Mer.cer and Body Paint. Not Just For Breakfast Anymore!
So tomorrow's the big Pride and Remembrance run.

I will be running with Fresh's boss Bi.ll Grah.am again, officially this year. We usually meet outside the 519 before the race, so if you want to see me, I'll be there! Before 10 am when the race starts. Ice Prince will be eating pancakes with his Daddy during the run, but you might get to meet them beforehand.

Last year, I wore my full queen regalia, but tomorrow is going to be 33 degrees and I'll try to wear as little as possible. Maybe a hula skirt and a sports bra? People at work who've given me money are wanting funny pictures, so I'd better make it worth their while.

Any other ideas? Body paint is too hot!

NOTE TO MIKEVIL. STAY AWAY FROM BAD SAUSAGES! ONLY TRUST SAUSAGES YOU KNOW AND LOVE THE NIGHT BEFORE THE RUN!

Also going to a Pride Party at Bi.ll's house tonight. Ri.ck Mer.cer and Bel.inda Stron.ach may be there among others. I'll see if I can take any pics for your edification and amusement.

The Glamourous Life. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Funny Ha Ha or Funny Peculiar?

I sent my Greatest Hits link to this:
Comedy Writer and Comedy Writing Intern Wanted

…for innovative commercial FM radio morning show.

Work with a team of talented improvisers under the direction of a multiple
Gemini award-winning comedy writer.

You must be able to: think and write funny, generate ideas, work independently,
organize material.

No professional experience necessary.
Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince
Yesterday, we went to check out an Open House for IP's French Summer Camp. (oui, c'est vrai) We were waiting for a bus afterwards and one barrelled right past us without even slowing down.
"Hey!" I yelled after it.
"There's no point in yelling, Mommy," says IP, "Sometimes you just have to let it go."

Words to live by.

Dubious Running Endorsement From Ice Prince
"You're running, Mommy?"
"Yep."
"Well, don't run too fast or you'll fall on the street. 'Member what happened with the bike?"

He can't remember to close the screen door behind him, but he can remember that?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Deutschmarks or Dollars, American Express Will Do Nicely, Thank You!
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Me, at last years run.
Photo Credit: Terry Marsh Photographic Arts and Body Waxing Emporium

I will be participating in the Annual Pride and Remembrance 5K Run this Saturday.
Won’t you please donate? I have an excellent incentive program in place for all donors:
$5 Your name on the Cubicle Corner of Caring
$10 Haiku written especially for you by me
$20 Original work of art by my son, Ice Prince.
$30 Copy of my 2004 Fashion Cares DVD (in which I sing New York New York while dancing with chorus boys dressed as girls)
$40 Book from my personal library for you to keep forever with a personalized inscription
$50 Ice cube tray (local sponsors can choose to also have ice cubes in tray at no extra cost!)
$100 Pan of my world famous brownies
$200 Lock of hair
$500 I will name my next child after you (if any, none promised).

Give in person (before end of day Friday, or online (by end of day Wednesday)!
The Inmates are Running the Asylum!
First, Bono was telling Paul Martin off. Now, Bob Geldof says Martin can't come to G8 unless he brings money.

Since when is Bob Geldof the bouncer at the G8 summit? What's happened to our world when musicians are bossing the politicians around? I mean I don't remember Bob being on the ballot. I'm not saying I disagree with what he wants, it's just the principle of the thing.

If musicians have this kind of politic clout, then maybe Fresh taking up the guitar means he'll get to be leader of the U.N. someday. (Kofi Annan was on Sesame Street the other day. Everyone wanted to sing the alphabet and he suggested that they all sing together.)

I should hold a dinner and call it "Live Ate."

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Wheeeeeeeee!

I don't do drugs. Taking a tylenol is a big event for me.

But I have stuff to do. Other people take cold medications--why not me? Plus, I have committed to running in the Pride and Remembrance Run on Saturday (those of you near and dear will be asked for a monetary display of your affection). It's time to shape up. So I bought some DayQuil.

My symptoms are gone. I feel high! I feel pretty and witty and bright!
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I think my heart stopped. No, wait, there it goes again.

Remember that episode of Family Ties where Alex P. Keaton takes diet pills to study and gets so hyper that he digs a moat around his neighbour's house? Don't know why that came to mind.
The Ice Queen is Sick. Talk Amongst Yourselves
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Friday, June 17, 2005

Song for Maria
Long story short, some commenter on Maria’s blog thinks she owns some bike called the Norco Rideau. He is, of course, wrong. However, I have been making reference to her non-existent bike regularly on her blog. Just because I’m a pain in the butt.

Today, she is claiming that her bike is better than mine, which led me to write the fabulous new Ice Queen hit:

Norco (To the tune of Milkshake)

My Norco brings all the boys to the blog,
and my bike
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
ring my bell
and I’ll have to charge

I know you want it,
the frame that makes me,
what the guys go crazy for.
They want my wheels
to cop a feel
tho it’s not real

[Chorus x2]
la la-la la la,
gear it up.
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting

My Norco brings all the boys to the blog,
and my bike
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
ring my bell
and I’ll have to charge

you can see me on it,
you want to ride it
can’t hide it, as I pedal by on it
check out my seat,
you know it can’t be beat,
banana seat booty superfreak!

[Chorus x2]
la la-la la la,
gear it up,
la la-la la la,
the boys are waiting,

My Norco brings all the boys to the blog,
and my bike
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
ring my bell
and I’ll have to charge

just to keep it real
pimped my bike: I got me headlights
elastics on my pant cuffs
go so fast I breeze through red lights
got hockey cards in my spokes
I’m all mirrors and no smoke
you know you want to, just ask it
I’ll let you put your bag in my basket

[Chorus x2]
lala-lalala,
gear it up,
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting,

My Norco brings all the boys to the blog,
and my bike
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
ring my bell
and I’ll have to charge
I Want To Ride My Bicycle, I Want to Ride my-THUD!
Wiped out on my bike this morning. Hit a curb at the wrong angle I guess. Luckily there was no traffic nearby. I’m a bit scraped up. Ice Prince suggests that “maybe you should WALK to the bank machine next time, Mommy.” Yeah. I’ll get right on that.

The concert was charming. But the parents were very ill behaved. They talked when they shouldn’t and they got in the way trying to take pictures. There were so many flashes, Fresh said it look like a press conference. A couple of children were genuinely frightened. Parents can be very selfish. That’s why I generally don’t like making friends with other parents.

Ice Prince refused to look at us. What a consummate professional. Apparently, he was meditating and thinking “what’s my motivation?” before going on. Well, okay, he kept sneaking peeks, but would quickly look away if we caught his eye.

The performance was cute. I’m just glad MY kid wasn’t the one spent who the whole time with both hands down the front of his pants. Or the one who sucked his thumb. Or the one who had a breakdown on stage and had to leave in tears.

As to the weekend, we're going to a wine tasting on Saturday (Ice Prince is happy because he gets to run amok with his best girl Maija.) And then Fresh and I will be having dinner. Alone. Yes!

For Father's Day,I am making my Dad (STOP READING NOW DAD) a CD of novelty music -- like Weird Al and stuff. Not sure what I'll get Fresh, although he did ask for some assistance in choosing a summer wardrobe. Queen Eye for the Straight Guy!

Have a great weekend, mes copains.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Today is Ice Prince's first Kindergarten concert.
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Ice Prince says the rules are "No jumping on your chair and don't get up on the stage whenever you want. And don't tell funny jokes to your parents."

I can't possibly be old enough to have a kid in a concert.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Oldies But Goodies
Four or five more songs up on my Greatest Hits Page.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Swan Song
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And yes, I did make Crabby ride with me in this, just so we could get a photo for YOU, my adoring fans.

I have a great pic of Crabby with the T.O. skyline, but will await permission before posting. In fact, since it was Crabby’s first time on the islands, I think she should write a little précis of her experience for us.

Clara also visited the islands for the first time, and although she got a picture OF the swan boats, she didn't get a picture IN the swan boats. IN YOUR FACE!! (Although the pics in the giant chair are cool.)

Monday, June 13, 2005

Best Character Reference for a Job EVER!

Bibliomancy The art of seeking spiritual insight by selecting a random passage from a Bible that applies to the situation at hand.

I happen to have a new testament lying around in my dressing room (i.e. spare room full of clothes I haven’t the energy or inclination to hang up or fold and books I don’t have shelves for). Before my job interview last week, I closed my eyes, opened it at random and pointed and the passage said “Go boldly in”. That’s the first time this Bibliomancy has ever been anywhere near helpful.

Yesterday, I tried it again, concentrating on whether I’ll get this Director job. The passage said “He saith Yes.” I was totally creeped out. I mean, out of all the words in the Bible, what are the chances of me randomly picking that with my eyes closed?

But, hey, when the Big Guy’s on your side, you can’t go wrong.

Or can you?

P.S. Don’t think I’m a religious freak. I’m just a plain old garden-variety freak.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Another exciting hot weekend lying prone in my backyard
In Toronto, we have splash pads and wading pools for kiddies in our parks.

They don't open until the last week of June.

The humidex here today makes it feel like 38 degrees Celsius. Which is, like, 134 degrees Fahrenheit. Approximately.

I hope the doorknob who picked the start date has an west facing bachelor apartment with no airconditioning.

Asshole.
Meet the Queen's neurosis
I have received a wedding invitation to go to my cousin's wedding. (No, not Kate, the OTHER side of the family).

Therefore I must not only get this job, but I also need to lose 30 pounds, get a manicure, and win a Pulitzer.

Yes, I have an unreasonable competitive streak with the branch of the family. TOTALLY unprovoked and full-blown raging psycho. Okay, a psychiatrist would probably say it all started when she got a better communications job than me right out of university while I had to slave 7 years after I graduated to get the same thing. In a basement. With mice. And Sister Staceypatrick.

Anybody got a Pulitzer I can borrow? I can always Photoshop a Globe and Mail article about me winning it.

Maybe I'll do a post like Brett and you can help me choose my outfit. I envision a giant hat (it IS a day wedding). Too bad I can't wear my sunny choi, but it's white. My red dress rocks, but it's a bit "trying too hard". I want effortless perfection. "Oh, THIS old thing? I just threw it on."

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I rock.
Just came from a job interview for a Director of Communications position.

Totally nailed it.

Totally.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Special Tuesday Treat for you
Okay, it's not pretty, but I'm feelin happy and summery and have decided that YOU, my faithful readers and lurkers, deserve a treat.

Regulars will recognize these from three years worth of blogging. Newbies will be amazed and confused. It's:

Ice Queen's Greatest Hits!

(Management takes no responsibility for you humming these all day long.)

Monday, June 06, 2005

Maybe that explains the moniker, Ice Queen
While still reeling over what happened to Mikevil, then I find out that our Sunday drink date Joel was majorly waylaid. I am the sort of person who never says the right thing. I can’t be counted on to provide comfort or sympathy – not because I don’t want to, but mainly because I feel like it comes out sounding treacly and insincere and I feel like I’m doing more harm than good. So I say nothing and feel guilty for that. Or I make an inappropriate joke. Bad Queen.

”And the Damage Done”--not
Fresh had his guitar lesson on Sunday, so I took Ice Prince to The Beach. The wading pad wasn’t open yet, so I took him down to the actual beach. He was throwing rocks into the lake (which looked digusting) when I saw a needle, about nine inches from IP’s sandaled foot and about three inches from my hand. “C’mon!” I said.

Now, four year olds who are enjoying themselves are not easily distracted. “Why?” he asked. “There’s a needle,” I whispered. As I prodded him toward the lifeguard station, he kept yelling, “But MOMMY I DON’T SEE ANY NEEDLE!” Very reassuring for the tourists.

Anyhow, the lifeguard came and picked it up with his special container. He was actually very nonchalant. The nonchalance of both me and the lifeguard bothered me more than the needle itself.

Movie Night
On Sundays I usually rent a movie, because I do all the ironing. Last night we watched Motorcycle Diaries. I liked it. It was about Che Guevara when he has a university student on a road trip. Has anyone else seen it? I thought the part where we swam the river was pretentious, though. Too symbolic.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Thoughts
That 70s Show has been on for years now. Shouldn’t it be That 80s show by now?

I like watching The Weather Network, because that freaky new age music they play makes me feel like I’m about to take off in an airplane.

Yesterday, my son (who is tall but built like a brick backhouse) took his popsicle and then purposely sat on one of my flowering plants in the garden. “Maybe he thinks he’s in an Anne Geddes photograph,” my mom said and we sat watching my dirty gangly solid knee-skinned boy plopped on top of my Star of Bethlehem plant.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

More Romance
Mikael and Outlaw are back and Clara is mentioned.

Is anyone still reading this? I've got a big plot twist I'm working up to, but won't bother is no one cares.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Theatre Review: Dora the Explorer's Pirate Adventure LIVE!
by Ice Prince
"I liked Boots the Monkey and the Pirate Piggies and when the Map came out of the story and was in the AUDIENCE! That was so funny!"
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Theatre Review
by Ice Queen
Let's just say Boots the Monkey's costume was tight enough that I could tell you if he's circumsized or not.

Always nice when they throw in a little something for the adults.

Turns out we had VIP tickets, so we got a grab bag full of swag (nothing fancy - wee telescope, poster, "signed" picture of Dora) which kept the IP busy and also meant I was able to avoid the souvenir stands.

The bar wasn't open -- why not? If you can have a drink during the intermission of Persée, why can't you have one at the intermission of Dora? Who didn't think people would need a drink in a theatre full of 2-5 year olds?

Actually, it was not so bad and IP was a perfect gentleman.

Little known fact: The 7-11 Crystal Light Raspberry Ice Slurpee I drank at 6:30 am this morning has enough aspartame to re-engineer my genes and turn me into Bea Arthur by lunchtime.