Monday, January 31, 2005

In the News
Tiny Louisiana hamlet finally gets phone service

MINK, Louisiana (AP) -- There's a fish-fry Monday in this hamlet of 15 households to celebrate big news: phone service. "We started in early 1970 trying to get a phone," Kathleen Bolton said. "We'd talk to the phone company but they'd never call back. “


They’d never call back, eh? Maybe it’s because you DIDN’T HAVE ANY PHONES!

In other news, an article in the Globe and Mail last week stated that "Pregnant Women Experience Greater Complications in Childbirth". No kidding? Who'd have thunk it!
But why is the rum gone?
So many things running around in my head today. Wrote more poetry for intersection which will be up on Two Drink Minimum later today. Always happy to hear what you think, so feel free to comment. Remember, people and events depicted in the poem are fictional. Mostly.

I’m so happy to be writing again, I wrote a poem about it:

it’s good to write again
like shedding
your boots for sneakers
in the spring :
vulnerable
and free

I’m planning my Superstar Chef audition. You need to have a “philosophy”. Well, my first one is that I like to try to copy dishes that I’ve liked in restaurants. Some of my best recipes are recreations. And my second, more elegant philosophy is best expressed by Elizabeth Swann:

“Hang the code, and hang the rules. They're more like guidelines anyway.”

Do you think a pirate cooking show would go over well? I still have all the swag left over from Ice Prince’s birthday.

We took Ice Prince “’bogganning” this weekend and it was grand. We went to the Riverdale Park ravine at the DVP. The hill was so big, we had to start from halfway down.

I’m wearing my Lily necklace today and already got a compliment on it at the water cooler. “I wish I had nice, interesting clothes like you do, “ said my colleague.

Don’t forget: If you want to donate kisses to Ice Prince for his 100 Things project, e-mail me at screamforicequeenATgmailDOTcom. Wanda, we simply MUST have at LEAST one from you and you know my address so pucker up, honey!

Friday, January 28, 2005

Friday Evening
The boy is in bed. The house is quiet. I have just finished putting the spices in jars (I am a few jars short). My hands are fragrant.

Fresh is due home soon. The wine is open. And I got to thinking about a poem I love, which I will share with you now:

The Cinnamon Peeler by Michael Ondaatje

If I were a cinnamon peeler
I would ride your bed
and leave the yellow bark dust
on your pillow.

Your breasts and shoulders would reek
you could never walk through markets
without the profession of my fingers
floating over you. The blind would
stumble certain of whom they approached
though you might bathe
under the rain gutters, monsoon.

Here on the upper thigh
at this smooth pasture
neighbour to your hair
or the crease
that cuts your back. This ankle.
You will be known among strangers
as the cinnamon peeler's wife.

I could hardly glance at you
before marriage
never touch you
- your keen nosed mother, your rough brothers.
I buried my hands
in saffron, disguised them
over smoking tar,
helped the honey gatherers...

When we swam once
I touched you in the water
and our bodies remained free,
you could hold me and be blind of smell.
You climbed the bank and said

this is how you touch other women
the grass cutter's wife, the lime burner's daughter.
And you searched your arms
for the missing perfume

and knew

what good is it
to be the lime burner's daughter
left with no trace
as if not spoken to in the act of love
as if wounded without the pleasure of a scar.

You touched
your belly to my hands
in the dry air and said
I am the cinnamon
peeler's wife. Smell me.
Written for Crabby, Posted for Dantallion
(don't critique it. I know it doesn't make sense.)

Shall I benchmark thee to a non-earning asset?
Thou are more liquid and more tacit:
Rough markets do shake the KPIs of May,
And Chicago's lease restacks our office space:
Sometime the scope and framework carry costs,
And often is insurance there accrued;
And sometimes fair spends are tempest toss’d,
By gross recoveries we ne’er will rue :

But thy actionable NIX shall fade
Or productivity ratio pale and fall;
Or shall earnings swell and primp as on parade,
When in eternal measurement thou stall:
So long as men can count, or eyes can see,
I’ll author Powerpoint slides just for thee.
Gee, thanks for the gmail!
Thanks be to Wanda, I now have a gmail account. You can e-mail me at:
screamforicequeen@gmailDOTcom

And you know to replace the DOT with a real dot, right? Just checking.

You know, every time I try to type Wanda, I type Wanada. A Canada run by Wanda Wisdom? It's an idea whose time has come.
Progress Report
Spice jars are now LABELLED! Will they get filled tonight? Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion.
Library School Drop-Out, Because Dantallion Asked About UWO
I went to York University for Theatre (first and second year). At the end of second year, my theatre prof had a talk with me.
“So, what are your plans for next year?
“I’ve decided to transfer my major to Creative Writing.”
“How wonderful!” he replied with visible relief in his face. He wouldn’t have to tell me I was a no talent hack.

So I graduated with a degree in writing poetry. With a minor in writing short stories, Very useful! So I decided to get my Master’s in Library and Information Science.

I spent two weeks in the program at UWO (University of Western Ontario). The first week, we learned to use a word processor (I had spent the previous two summers desktop publishing and was bored out of my skull). The second week, we started (STARTED!) learning the Dewey Decimal system.

That’s when I dropped out. I still think UWO is one of the Prettiest. Campuses. Ever.

Epilogue: Sister Staceypatrick then got me a job at a teeny tiny publisher as the Receptionist/Admin Ass’t. And through a series of twists and turns, I now work for the Behemoth Bank of Canada googling NASCAR.

Funny aside: Two of my friends who I met much later graduated from UWO and have Library Science degrees. They weren’t in my class.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Poetry. It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore!
So I wanted to go to a Poetry Competition last night, but it didn't work out. However, it left me with a burning desire to start writing again.

So I pulled up my old Glencoe poem (officially known as concessions)which was my thesis for my Creative Writing. Yes, I wrote a poem for my thesis. Think it's easy? YOU try it! And it can't involve a girl from Nantucket.

Anyhow, I like my Glencoe poem. But it needs something. So I decided that half the book should be Glencoe, then you flip it over and the OTHER half of the book is about Toronto. Holy juxtaposition, Batman! But the Toronto half needed a name. I told Fresh this. And Fresh came up with the name: Intersection.

So my poetry book is called concessions : intersection. That may bore you, but poetry types should think it's pretty bloody cool.

So, this year I will:
1. Write my poetry book (doesn't have to be finished, just major work.)
2. Hold at least one poetry reading with Crabby at Sarah's, our local Danforth waterhole.
3. Put in an audition tape to be Superstar Chef
4. Open a restaurant for one day (Fresh and I will probably wait until better weather so that we can use the BBQ for extra cooking/warming space. Date to be announced soon!)
5. Put my spices in jars and label them.

I guess those are my resolutions. I wrote the first poem for >intersection today, it's up on Two Drink Minimum (the poetry testing site I share with Crabby), as is the whole of concessions as it stands.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day!
So after consultation with my colleague (Ice Prince) we have come to the conclusion that for his project, he will be collecting kisses. Really!

If you would like to participate, please get some lipstick on your cakehole and pucker up. Kiss marks should appear on piece of paper with your name or alias written below.

Please, nothing rude. This IS for a Junior Kindergarten show and tell. Multiple entries welcome.

If you're interested, e-mail me at screamforicequeen@hotmail.com for an address to which to send your busses.


Admit it, you've been tempted.
Tribute to Cavin and Hobbes.

Monday, January 24, 2005

A Star is Born!
This is it!

But only a 5 minute audition tape....

Bloody Brilliant
Go check out Dantallion today.

Don't ask. Just go.

That is all. You may kiss my ring before you go.

Science Doesn’t Lie
It’s the worst day of the year, and this mathematical formula proves it: [W + (D-d)] x TQ M x NA

For more details…

Ice Capades
Ice Prince is supposed to collect 100 things and bring them in to show his class. Are they joking? He’s 4 years old. He doesn’t have the attention span to eat dinner. But I have a brilliant idea.

He can collect 100 snowflakes. I’ll send him in to school with a glass of water.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Ice Queen: The Early Years
I feel that my colleagues Crabby and Sister have been sharing very deep personal things lately, and I have nothing like that to share.

I did remember something amusing, however. When I was about 14, if I was doing a school project, I would dress up as the person I was studying. The first time I did this I dressed up as Socrates (in a bed sheet) and asked lots of questions all weekend. The next time, I was studying Lewis and Clark, which was a bit more difficult, having to dress up as two people and raipse through the backyard. But I gave it the old Grade 10 try.

I don't remember when or why I stopped.

Now I'm thinking about high school. Did you know that I was on the Cheerleading Squad? True, I was Deputy Head Cheerleader. I was also in Choir, Prom, Yearbook, Public Speaking, Drama and the Auto Club (mainly because Dad ran that club and he was my ride home).

My first job at the age of 13 was to stand outside the drugstore on a sidewalk sale weekend to watch the stuff. Bored, I drew humourous signs explaining why people should buy each of the products. I wasn't asked back. But people stopped to read the signs! My marketing plan was working!

My second job was at Becker's, where my boss had to speak to me about dressing inappropriately. I think I was wearing some typical 80s stuff, it may have been the giant hot pink plastic fish earrings she objected to. Who knows? I kept that job for a while. (Note: when your job involves dusting food items, DON'T take advantage of the employee discount.)

Next up, my Nana got me a job as Parts Girl at the Auto Parts store where she was bookkeeper (so belonging to the Auto Club wasn't so crazy after all, eh?). I was responsible for receiving the parts, putting them away and filling orders. It was okay, until the day the water pump fell on my head. That hurt.

Sister Staceypatrick got me a job at a daycare centre. Yes, Sister spent a summer working with kids. Hard to believe. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

If I could start over and pick a new career (those who are new visitors may not know that I work for a Big Bank), I'm not sure if I would choose differently. Mind you, I certainly never CHOSE banking. And I do lots of things that that are very unbankerly (most recently I have been designing an event with a NASCAR theme - again with the cars!). It's okay, pays good and it certainly beats retail.

What do YOU think I should be when I grow up? What do YOU want to be?

(Hey non-Torontonians! Right now we're having a real blizzard AND the temperature is minus 31 with the wind chill. Oh, Canada!)
Icy Opens a Can
Image Hosted by ImageShack.usI confessed to Crabby on our night out at the wine bar that last week I had opened a can of salmon for the first time in my life. And there were bones in it! And skin! What's with that? And this was a premium can!

For those who are concerned that the Queen might have been making salmon salad sandwiches, I wasn't. I was making fishcakes. I'm making them again tonight with chipotle sauce.


Thursday, January 20, 2005

Grab Bag

1. Going shopping and imbibing with Crabby in Yorkville after work. Très happy about this.
2. Did new fitness DVD by Carmen Electra last night. I’d tell you what it was, but Outlaw would probably mist up his screen and I’d get all sorts of nasty google searches. Anyhow, it was okay! Carmen Electra wasn’t all that coordinated and seemed to break a sweat before I did. I may do this until the weather clears up for running.
3. I’m taking a vacation day tomorrow because my daycare provider needs the day off to “go slit a goat’s throat for Eid”. I thought maybe I’d heard wrong, but it looks like I probably got it right. It can be very interesting to live in a country with so many different cultures.
4. I’m still mulling over the restaurant idea…
5. Quote of the day from Eddie Greenpan: “I don’t like losing. That’s the one thing I don’t like. And licorice.”

This is a dull post. Go check out how to make treats for Groundhog Day.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Crazy Like a Fox
So last night, Fresh and I were cleaning up the dinner dishes. “I had a crazy idea today, “he said.
“That’s funny, “I said, “So did I. I forgot until now. Wouldn’t it be strange if we had the same idea? What was yours?”

Well guess what, gentle readers. It was EXACTLY the same idea. Freaky, huh?

Dear Fresh is beginning to have second thoughts about the logistics (like where to put the sofa for the night) and perhaps related costs, whereas I am content to rush in where angels fear to tread. So I’ll run it by you and you can let me know if you’d even be vaguely interested.

Regular visitors will know that I would love to open a restaurant. So the idea is to open up a restaurant in our house for One Night Only to our friends. Naturally, charging like a restaurant would be odd, but instead, we would charge, say $50 each and give the money to charity. Possibly Red Cross for Tsunami Relief, but perhaps something else because I fear that other charities may suffer from donor fatigue. I know Doctors without Borders is redirecting all funds now to Africa.

Anyhow, there would be soup, salad, main and dessert. It would be BYOB. Possibly I would offer a choice for dinner that had to be pre-ordered, so I wouldn’t have to buy cook too many of everything. We figure we could fit 10 to 16 people in a proper restaurant configuration (tables of 2 or 4). There would be waiter service by Fresh.

Fascinating and frightening. But I know we could make it work. (If I had enough chutzpah maybe I could ask Whole Foods or someone to donate some food. Hah!) So…what do you think? Would you be interested? Seriously. It’s a lot of work, so don’t toy with me.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Potpourri

• I need to buy used ice skates. If anyone has a pair of size 7 – 7 ½ ladies ice skates that they no longer want, let me know.
• Does black really go with black?
• Did you know that the discoverer of glow-in-the-dark material (phosphorous) was actually trying to turn urine into gold? Yep. He had 50 buckets of urine in his basement. I know this from the book I’m reading (see below post).
• I may be having an Ice Queen Extravaganza Summer BBQ for all my readers in the Greater Icicle Fief Metropolis. Not sure I could afford the booze or the police officers, but am thinking about it…
• I made the BEST mushroom soup yesterday.
• Fresh now reads my blog, in fact, he’s been dipping into the archives. Shall we do an Interview With Fresh? What would you like to ask him? Keep it clean, people!

Friday, January 14, 2005

She Blinded Me….With SCIENCE!
I am reading a great book that I bought online with a gift card I got from Fresh for Christmas. It’s Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Everything. “It is an animated chatty tour of every field of scientific inquiry from quantum physics and atmospheric science to evolution and volcanology…” Bet you didn’t know I have an inner science geek. It’s true! I didn’t acknowledge it until Fresh one night said “How come you always perk up when there’s a science item on the news?”

I’m even wearing my geeky horn-rimmed glasses today to add to the overall experience.

Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince
So we were watching a cartoon and the characters were playing a game of soccer.
IP: “Mommy, that girl just took the ball away from that boy. She’s bad!”
IQ: “It’s soccer. That’s how it’s played.”
IP: “Well, I don’t think that was very nice. I think she should say sorry and go to her room.”
It seems IP enjoys and understands sports about as well as I do.

Talk Amongst Yourselves
I haven’t talked about the tsunami on here because I find it difficult. I get verklempt. Last night I was watching the CBC Relief fundraiser. Quite often, the singers chose a very melancholy song, which was probably originally a love song, and sometimes vaguely inappropriate. If you were asked to sing, what would you sing? I thought I’d choose Fragile by Sting. But those lyrics aren’t perfect either. It’s amazing how many water metaphors are used in songs.

Jonesing for Wanda?
Oh yeah and Wanda's moved. If you haven't found her yet, she's here.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Miscellaneous Info of Interest
Dooce’s definition of “Girls’ Night Out:” LET’S JUST CALL IT WHAT IT REALLY IS: GETTING THE FUCK AWAY FROM OUR KIDS FOR A COUPLE HOURS AND TALKING ABOUT SEX NIGHT OUT.

Food and Drink
Oh wonderful day! LCBO’s latest issue of Food and Drink is out!

Last night, Fresh and I were discussing my favourite fantasy. No, not that. Cheeky monkey! We were talking about my opening a restaurant. Just a wee one. Very exclusive, dontcha know. I’d love to do that. Naturally, I’d need an industrial dishwasher, professional appliances, excellent cookware and a sous chef or two (pun intended.) Fresh would be the sommelier. It would be called Au Dessous/Eau de Sue, although today I thought of calling it Frézoul, which supposedly means Refreshing Wind. Errr…not in the assonance kind of way. Maybe I’ll stick to the original plan.

Would you come to my restaurant? What would you order?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

A Prince Among Men
Ice Prince only has a viral infection, which is almost over. Dr. Hibbert mentioned (for the second time) that IP is exhibiting very STRONG leadership traits. “He’ll definitely be a leader, not a follower, that’s obvious now. And his personality won’t change,” giggled Dr. Hibbert as IP checked his ears and listened to his heartbeat.

Wow. A leader. Political? Spiritual? Business? Drug lord? Pimp?

I’ll be up there with all the other famous parents:
Virgin Mary
Goldie Hawn
Joe Jackson
Earl Woods

And then I’ll be able to compile The Wit and Wisdom of the Ice Prince and publish it. Like this gem from yesterday:
IP: “Dr. Hibbert? Do you and mommy and daddy pick your noses?”
Dr. H: “Well, nobody would admit that they do….”

Monday, January 10, 2005

Ice Queen Speaks
I’ve been quiet lately, I know. Overtired again, and Ice Prince has been sick.

Let’s see. What’s new?

On Saturday, Crabby and Sister came by for Birthday Celebration: The Sequel. I wore a lacy nightgown and set up “The Peignoir Lounge” in my dining room. Naturally, my guests forgot their nighties. Hmph! Then we snacked on all triangle shaped food and watched Love Actually. Which raised two questions:

1. If there really only one true love for you? What if there is more than one? What if you meet them at the same time?
2. When Hugh Grant was doing a funky little dance, I cried out: “That’s so like Fresh!” Crabby and Sister seemed perplexed. Am I really the only person who sees the funky in Fresh? Actually, I should be honoured that I get exclusive funkiness. Don’t judge a book by its cover!

On Sunday, Fresh and I took the Ice Prince ice skating for the first time. He did okay! Then we had chunky fries from the chip truck. It was good.

Have to take IP to the doctor today – he’s had a low grade fever for 5 days, poor wee mite.

Friday, January 07, 2005

A Meme from Radmila

3 names you go by:
1. The Ice Queen
2. Ma'am
3. Mommy

3 screen names you have:
1. Ice Queen. There is only one.

3 things you like about yourself:
1. I have a style all my own.
2. I am most always optimistic and look at things with a sense of humour.
3. I look good in black, fool!

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. I don’t suffer fools gladly
2. I could be fitter.
3. I can be very scatterbrained

3 parts of your heritage:
1. Scottish 97%
2. Irish (2%)
3. French (1%)

3 things that scare you:
1. Banks
2. Dogs
3. Dogs tied up outside Banks.

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Hug and a kiss from my guys
2. Nylons
3. Contact lenses

3 things you're wearing right now:
1. Black nylons
2. Contact lenses
3. High heels

3 of your favorite bands/artists (today):
1. Ron Sexsmith
2. kd lang
3. Matchbox 20 (er, yes.)

3 of your favorite songs at present:
1. Gold in Them Hills – Ron Sexsmith
2. Neil Young’s Helpless as sung by kd lang
3. Across the Universe as sung by Rufus Wainwright

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Moisturizing my feet
2. Pole dancing for exercise
3. Persimmons

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Desire
2. Fun
3. Comfort

2 truths and a lie:(no particular order to keep ya guessing)
1. We had 15 horses when I was a kid.
2. I once helped build a race car. I did the riveting.
3. I have a tattoo of the word “the” on my shoulder blade.

3 physical things about a love interest that appeal:
1. Six Foot One
2. Reddish Brown Hair
3. Size 12 feet

3 things you just can't do:
1. Catch or hit a ball
2. Make small talk
3. Remember birthdays in time

3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. Cooking
2. Gardening
3. Napping

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. To listen to music
2. To get a manicure and pedicure
3. To stretch

3 careers you're considering:
1. Naked News Weather Girl
2. Chef
3. Blog celebrity

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Spain
2. Italy
3. Bed

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
1. Olivia
2. Ian
3. Joe

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Skinny Dip
2. Stand Up Comedy
3. Dallas

3 people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Crabby
2. Sister
3. Boomer

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Spidey will have a half-caf triple shot mocha frapuccino, please
So Sister Staceypatrick got Ice Prince (now 4!) a Spiderman Action Lego Set for Christmas/His Birthday. There’s a helicopter, two motorcycles, Spiderman, a Policeman and a Villain. Cool. Action packed. Just screaming for a good motorcycle chase or a helicopter crash.

So what does my son do?

He sets all the lego up like a Starbucks (with a counter and a table and chair area) and has the Villain serving “laffés” and cookies to Spidey and his friend the Policeman.

My little metrosexual.

Monday, January 03, 2005

"It's My Party and I'll Go to The Emergency Room If I Want to.."
New Year's Eve. My birthday. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. WEEKS!

Crabby, Sister and the husbands arrived at 6:30 pm. The lamb shanks were simmering. The orzo was boiling. By 7:00 pm, Fresh and I were upstairs in the bathroom trying to pull a kalediscope off of Ice Prince's index finger. By 7:20 pm, IP was screaming and his finger was swelling up. I took him to the emergency room while Fresh put dinner together.

They put IP's hand in a bowl of ice water to bring down the swelling. Do you realize how many clever games I had to invent to get him to keep his hand in the water? Most involved diving penguins and polar bears. Later, the doctor came by and said that they were going to give IP a hallucenegenic drug and would numb all pain so that they could cut it off his finger.

He was on a total drug trip. It was sort of funny. Anyhow, they managed to get the thing off without cutting it (because he finally relaxed.) He woke up around 9:30 and asked "Mommy, why do you have 12 eyes?" He started to come around. by 10:30, he was merely behaving like a drunk. I was allowed to take him home, which wasn't easy, because he had no muscle control and was singing at the top of his voice like a wino.

Anyhow, We made it home before 11 pm, and I was able to enjoy a plate of dinner that Fresh had put together (Yeah Fresh! He worked very hard.) and enjoy what was left of my birthday.

Thank you to my dear friends for understanding when I had to leave them. You're the best. And hey! Big thanks to Lily for sending me the beautiful necklace I have admired on her site for so very long. I love it! And it really cheered me up just when I needed it.