Thursday, July 31, 2003

ICE STORM 2003!
A Benefit Concert to buy Ice Queen a nice pair of thigh high leather boots and a belted leather car coat.

Featuring:
Sting
Great Big Sea
Barenaked Ladies
Arrogant Worms
Ataris
Billy Bragg
Matchbox Twenty
Jann Arden
Sheryl Chow
Whitney Smith’s Big Steam Band
Green Day
Blink 182
John Mellencamp
Prince
REM
Billy Joel
Elton John
HEADLINER: Queen! With Freddie being sung by George Michael
Hosted by Weird Al Yankovic
Sponsored by Keith’s, Wolf Blass, Senses Catering, Lancome and DIM
Venue: The Distillery District



Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Mayor Quimby Buys Drugs From Us!


Survival in the Icicle Fief

You and your fellow readers are on your way to visit the Ice Queen in the Icicle Fief. Unfortunately, your small light aircraft crashes and your group, wearing business clothing, is stranded on a forested mountain in appalling winter weather (snow covered, sub-freezing conditions), anything between 50 and 200 miles from civilisation (you are not sure of your whereabouts, and radio contact was lost one hour before you crashed, so the search operation has no precise idea of your location either). The plane is about to burst into flames and you have a few moments to gather some items. Aside from the clothes you are wearing which does not include coats, you have no other items. It is possible that you may be within mobile phone signal range, but unlikely.

Your aim is to survive as a group until rescued. From the following list choose just ten items that you would take from the plane, after which it and everything inside is destroyed by fire.

Splitting or only taking part of items is not permitted.

Pack of 6 boxes x 50 matches.
Roll of polythene sheeting 3m x 2m
1 crate of beer (12 litres in total)
1 bottle of brandy
1 crate of bottled spring water (twelve litres in total)
Small toolbox containing hammer, screwdriver set, adjustable wrench, hacksaw and large pen-knife.
Box of distress signal flares.
Small basic first-aid kit containing plasters, bandages, antiseptic ointment, small pair of scissors and pain-killer tablets.
Tri-band mobile phone with infrared port and battery half-charged.
Clockwork transistor radio.
Gallon container full of fresh water.
Box of 36 x 50gm chocolate bars.
Shovel.
Short hand-held axe.
Hand-gun with magazine of 20 rounds.
20m of 200kg nylon rope.
Box of 24 x 20gm bags of peanuts.
Bag of 10 mixed daily newspapers.
Box of tissues.
Bag of 20 fresh apples.
Electronic calculator.
Laptop computer with infrared port, modem, unknown software and data, and unknown battery life.
Inflatable 4-person life-raft.
Compass.
Large full Aerosol can of insect killer spray.
Small half-full aerosol can of air freshener spray.
Notebook and pencil.
Box of size 8 women's promotional pink 'Barbie' branded fleece-lined track-suits (quantity is half of each team/group size).
Gift hamper containing half-bottle champagne, large tin of luxury biscuits, box of 6 mince pies, 50gm tin of caviar without a ring-pull, a 300gm tin of ham without a ring-pull, and a 500gm christmas pudding.
Travelling games compendium containing chess, backgammon and draughts.
Sewing kit.
Whistle.
Torch with a set of spare batteries.
Box of 50 night-light 6hr candles.
Bag of 6 large blankets.



Promotional Rescue
So Fresh is going to the Stones concert. He’s going to be in a VIP tent with his boss, meeting the U.S. ambassador and the premiers and the like. So he’ll probably come home with a picture of him and Mick, whilst I sit at home with Ho Lee Chow and my remote watching it on City TV. Actually, that sounds pretty good right about now. With a blankie. Mmmmmm……

Fresh has invited all sorts of people over for dinner during the month of August including his boss, his sister, Irshad Manji, a couple who want to start a winery with us and his friend Martin. Not all at the same time. Now THAT would be an interesting party I don’t mind the cooking – I just mind the cleaning. Actually, if he invites Charlie Watts for dinner, I wouldn’t half mind that. Maybe he’d play us a little jazz…

Hey, did you see the picture of Chip? Looks just like I thought.

Too sick to be amusing. Talk amongst yourselves.



Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Groan........
I'm sitting at home eating blueberry toaster waffles and drinking a caffeine free Diet Coke.

Turns out that the Hangover That Would Not Die is quite possible the flu, or something like it. I'm not sure whether I'm relieved or not.

I want to go lie down, but have one last office thing to edit before I can do so guilt-free.

I'm currently downloading the Ataris' Boys of Summer to get me through the final stretch before nap time.

Reader Uncie Herb has decided that Ice Queen should write a column for Fab Magazine. How about it? So your job for today while I quietly die is to pick your most memorable IQ blog post. Naturally I need to present a portfolio of what I can do.

I'm looking forward to the free theatre tickets, the product placements, the boat launchings, the run for office and the inevitable lunch with Jan Wong as befit a local celebrity.

What do you think? Am I fabulous enough? Of course I am!

My download's done. Ah, heaven!


Monday, July 28, 2003

Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac

So everyone wants to know how my weekend went. I’m still reading my e-mail and drinking a coffee. But let’s see what I can tell you…

I found a new band I like called “Ataris” which was playing on a new radio station I like called “The Rock FM 94.9”. They were doing a Green Day-ish version of Don Henley’s Boys of Summer. I fell in love.

It’s physically impossible for me to sleep past 7:30 am.

I got to drive a red Grand Am and I liked it. A lot.

Tourists are generally ugly.

From the look of merchandise offered, tourists also have no taste.

Don’t take anyone depressed to see Chekov.

I still have it. (I got whistled at.)

It’s all about confidence (I got whistled at after my spa treatment when I felt like a million bucks)

I can survive 48 hours without my son. That’s about the limit.

I want a bed like the one they did my floating facial in. They drop you down in a hammock into a vat of warm water. You don’t get wet and it feels like heaven.

Massages can hurt.

Frank makes the best Belgian waffles I’ve ever tasted. (Frank the waffle iron guy at the Pillar and Post)

Just because it looks like an apple turnover doesn’t mean it is – the apple turned out to be roasted garlic. Yum!

Sometimes it’s nice to be all alone in a strange town with a glass of wine and some tapas.

Sitting by the pool in a bathrobe and slippers is not a bad way to pass an hour.

Best play lines:
“I must go. My wife’s poisoned herself again.”
“More wine! More wine!”

More as the caffeine hits my blood stream and the wine leaves it.

I saw several people I thought might be Chip...


Thursday, July 24, 2003

Exqueeze me? A Baking Powder?
I dearly love my mom, but her hearing isn't what it used to be.

I told her at the spa this weekend I was getting a body polish and a massage. She thought I said I was getting a Polish Enema and asked if a Polish Sausage was involved.


But I Drifted.

Tomorrow we head out for our fabulous all-expense (mostly) paid trip to Niagara on the Lake! V. happy and looking forward to food, wine, spa and sleeping in.

To childless people, sleeping in is something moms don’t do. “Let Fresh take him in the mornings, “ they say. Well, that doesn’t work, because my Mom Sense (like a Spidey Sense) wakes me bolt out of bed the minute I hear a peep from him.

I have nothing to say that compares to the sheer joy of getting away. So no fun and games at the moment. I’m going to write up some rules to leave with my parents regarding Ice Prince such as “He’s not allowed to eat anything that’s bigger than his head.” Any other suggestions?

What's Playing in My Head: The Theme from The Daily Show With Jon Stewart which, I heard, was written by They Might Be Giants

Today's Hair Colour: French Roast: Deep Bronzed Brown. Not bad. A bit dark, but makes me look like Snow White.


Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Miss Blog

Ladies, Choose Your Weapons!

I choose the Celebrate Tiara. Simple. Classy. Substantial. It says "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful..."



Seen and Heard

On the way back from lunch, chalked on the sidewalk:

DANGER: WORK AHEAD!

But I came back to the office anyway.


And Biscotti?
When you visit the Starbucks web site, it says "Cookies required."

They're always trying to upsell, eh?
I Can Bring Home the Bacon, Fry It Up In A Pan (But I Don’t Because Fresh Worries About His Cholesterol)
So I was looking at my nail technician whilst she was doing my nails, thinking: “How does she get her make-up so perfect? And she’s wearing false eyelashes, but they look good. If I tried that, I’d look like a had a centipede on my forehead.” And then I started thinking about all the girly things I simply don’t know how to do.

Girly Things I Can’t Do
Apply make-up properly
Tweeze
Shape my nails (hence the falsies)
Style my hair, including blow drying it so it has body
Fold laundry
Cut carrots into sticks
Sew
Knit

What’s wrong with me? Well, there are also many things I can do:

Girly Things I Can Do
Cook
Decorate (Given the money)
Put together a bitchin’ outfit (Given the time. Today I don’t quite match and it’s driving me mad!)
Find a bargain
Walk in heels
Wear skirts and nylons
Nag
Giggle
Needlepoint

And most of the things I can’t do, I can pay professionals to do. Which is another trait to add to my “can” list – hire a professional to do it.

Today: I go to Shopper’s to learn how to use foundation. It’s time.



Tuesday, July 22, 2003

What can I say? The babysitter is absolute perfection and Ice Prince adores her.

Getting Nailed

I’m getting nails put on at lunch. I adore nails and I miss them. (Yes, Chip, I currently have nails, but they’re short.) I’m going to get polish to match my new pink purse with the roses on it that I bought in Kensington Market on Sunday. I love OPI nail polishes. They have the best names and are often named after geographic locations or cultures (the NY collection was my fave), like:
I’m Not Really a Waitress
Yucatan If U Want
Chick Flick Cherry
Kimono’ver Here
Soho Nice to Meet You
Marooned on the Subway
Grand Central Carnation

So…..if OPI came out with a line of Toronto nail polish colours, what would they be called?
Buff in the Bluffs (a pale tan colour)
Queen’s Pink
Ride the Rocket Red
Rosedale Rose
Orange You Glad Mel’s Retiring?
Hanlan’s Point (nude)
North York State of Wine
Island Ferry Berry

Huh……gotta get back to work. Your turn!


Monday, July 21, 2003

Souterrain visited by Toronto Board of Health
Conditional pass:
Pests: Cats in kitchen. But not on the counter. Occasional ladybug. Toddler. Husband.
Toddler licks utensils and then puts them back in pots.
Food not maintained at proper temperature because toddler opens door to browse beverage selection and fails to close it again.
Double dipping in the olive oil.


Possible Blood and Definite Rodent
Fresh was minding the Ice Prince yesterday whilst I had dim sum with Crabby and the Sister. Unbeknownst to Fresh, seems I.P. smuggled a lipstick in when he went for a nap. Fresh went up to check on him and thought he had cut himself or killed the cat. The sheets were covered in blood red, the walls were smeared, and I.P., of course, was covered. The joys of parenthood.

The Dim Sum was good. The entertainment (a small grey mouse) was surprising. I checked the Toronto Health site and we aren’t going back there. Don’t ask. Suffice it to say, they’ve had a lot of warnings in the past year about lots of stuff.

Too much excitement for one day! So I washed my floors.

Tonight we try out the new sitter. Hurrah!


Friday, July 18, 2003

At Last!
Job Fit For a Queen

Sweet Dreams?
Last night I dreamt that Fresh told me he wanted to have an affair, but he wanted us to stay together. In my dream, I thought about this for a moment and very magnanimously agreed, if I got to have an affair too. In the dream, by rival's name was "Rabbi". I assumed it rhymed with Crabby, but upon typing it, it looks rather kosher to me. Huh.



Thursday, July 17, 2003

Heaven
Let’s assume you go to heaven. C’mon, suspend disbelief for just a mo’.
How old are you in heaven?
Will you meet up with your significant other? What if they are much younger or older?
What if you were widowed and married again. Which partner do you spend eternity with?
Are your pets all there and do they get along?
What outfit do you spend eternity in? Does this choir robe make me look fat?
Do amputees get their limbs back? Would be disabled people be able? Would my cat no longer be "fixed"?

There are so many questions! And if there’s no heaven, how does my Nana keep sending me nice messages? She’ll show up in my dreams just to give me a hug – usually right when I need her. Thanks, Nan.


Sign, sign everywhere a sign
Feeling better today. I had three signs today:
Macintosh toffee box on the bus: Sign that my dear departed Nana is thinking of me
Apt building on my bus route with big message scrawled in chalk: "HI SUE!"
Two of clubs in subway station: not sure what it means. Guesses? I'll feel better if I go dancing at two clubs?

Currently writing irreverent invite to department BBQ that will probably get vetoed. That always cheers me up. It's to the tune of California Girls talking about all the different locations of our department. "The people at 120 really make you feel alright...."

Ice Prince's Footprint of the Day
Big black sneaker tread, front and centre on my beige power suit skirt. Have to buy new outfit at lunchtime for afternoon meeting and take skirt to cleaner's. So sad, NOT!


Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Naked Lunch

Had lunch with a work friend and went for ice cream. Feel a bit better.

What’s the difference between a work friend and a real friend? What has to happen for a work friend to cross over into a real friend? I think a real friend is someone you would see outside of work by themselves. In other words, not someone you just get together with for drinks as part of a gang after work.

I think work friends are very important as a support network. It’s true that the importance of work friends has diminished since we can now silently keep in touch with our real friends during work through e-mail and blogs. But it’s still good to have someone with whom you can bitch about the latest org chart.

And yes, Boomer, you are a real friend because we’ve seen Dear Friend Dave naked together.


Just Another Day in Paradise

Grumpy, hungry, dirty (toddler foot print on the front of my white shirt), underappreciated. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Sister sent me a list of things to be happy about. The only one that vaguely applies is someone running their hands through my hair. Unfortunately, those hands are usually covered in orange juice and crumbs.

I wish I could just borrow a kitten for the evening. Kitten Rentals - an idea whose time has come.


Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Killer Queen—Barenaked

Sigh. Feeling down today.

I'd rather be Freddie Mercury. I don't mean dead, I mean wearing a flamboyant outfit and being the centre of attention.

I really should be doing something better and more interesting with my life. Like starting my own business or moving to Newfoundland. Something!

What's Playing In My Head: "I wake up scared, I wake up strange, I wake up wondering of anything in my life is ever going to change, I wake up scared, I wake up strange and everything around me stays the same...."

What's Playing in My Head Now: "I can get a job I can pay the phone bill I can cut my hair, cut the lawn cut out my cholesterol, I can work overtime I can work in a mine I can do it all for you...but I don't want to."


Monday, July 14, 2003

Oooooo....you're as cold as ice...
We interviewed the prospective babysitter on Saturday. Ice Prince took to her immediately, tried to share all his toys, hugged her and sobbed when she left. She has a tongue piercing, spiky red hair and is very polite. I like her immensely. Now I have to phone her references. I hate that part.

As for me ignoring the Blambman in Yorkville, you can now see where my name Ice Queen came from. People think I’m ignoring them, whereas I’m really just deep deep in thought. No, really! Mr. Crabby phoned once during dinner and I was very mean to him because I thought he was a telemarketer. Well, he did start off saying “Hello. How are you this evening?” and then proceeded to tell me about a wonderful opportunity. What was I to think? Have you ever been iced by the Ice Queen? My Mat Leave replacement said she was scared to death of me when she started. I turned to another colleague (Beco) and said “You were never scared of me, were you?” Silence.


Friday, July 11, 2003

My Perfect Day

8:00 am. Ice Prince wakes up. Fresh gets up with him
9:00 am The smell of coffee wakes me up. I go downstairs. Ice Prince hugs me and goes off to play with Lego, chattering away.
9:30 am Fresh makes me a hard boiled egg on a toasted poppyseed bagel
10:00 am Go get dressed. Skirt’s a bit big. Fresh says, “Why don’t you go shopping? I’ll watch Ice Prince.”
10:30 am Shopping. Everything’s 75% off and there are no crowds or eager salespeople.
12:00 pm Dim Sum with Crabby and Sister. Table by the kitchen door. Buy kimono.
1:30 pm Home. Lie in grass with Ice Prince and look at airplanes going by. Sniff flowers. We fall asleep together, with his chubby little arm draped over me.
3:30 pm Wake up. Feed Ice Prince a Popsicle. Play music. Dance. Pet the cats. Clip flowers for vases.
4:30pm My parents arrive, take Ice Prince to the playground.
6:00 pm Feed Ice Prince supper. He eats his vegetables.
6:30 pm My mom gives Ice Prince a bath. I get dressed. My hair has grown four inches.
7:00 pm We put Ice Prince to bed.
7:30 pm Taxi arrives. I wear heels and they don’t pinch my feet at all. Fresh and I go out for dinner to celebrate his fabulous new job and my promotion, then live jazz (maybe Whitney Smith's band), then stay overnight downtown at a hotel.
The rest is censored. Sorry.




What Am I, Dionne Warwick?

So we’re posting a bio of our exec on our intranet. It’ll list stuff like background, education, favourite food and perfect day. And I’m supposed to write it BEFORE I talk to him.

Am I supposed to make up his favourite food? The only thing I know he likes is single malt scotch. Best not list that as his favourite food.

What would your perfect day be?



High School Confidential

In the news today: On Chip’s page, in the comments section, we seem to have inadvertently incited PixiStix into asking for a proposal. Such fun! I can’t wait for her blog.

This morning I was thinking about a colleague from high school who was grossly overweight, nerdy and had bad people skills. I recently found out that he’s married with two kids. Amazing. I can’t imagine him courting anyone never mind, errr, making the beast with two backs.

On the other hand, I learned that one of the most popular girls (tiny, blonde, you know the type) has never been married and is living with her loser boyfriend.

I didn’t fit in at high school, but I adored university. I remember phoning my parents from York: “It’s great! It’s full of people just like me!”

Wouldn’t it be great to go into high schools and tell kids “Don’t worry. None of this will matter in ten years. The nerds will rule, the popular kids will turn into trailer trash. Your skin will clear up. You will grow into your teeth.”

Hey, can you imagine high school courses for real life?
Home Ec becomes “How to cook Thanksgiving dinner for your Irritable Bowl Syndrome mother –in-law, your vegan sister, your meat and potatoes dad and your kid who will only eat broccoli.”
Auto Shop becomes “How Not to Get Ripped Off By the Garage”
Math becomes “How to make it to payday through creative financing”
English becomes “How to write a resume or e-mail without typos”
Geography becomes “Don’t bother. They change the names of the countries every six months now anyway.”
History becomes “How to google prospective dates”

I’m outta ammo. Your turn.


What's Playing in My Head: Centerfold by J. Geils



Thursday, July 10, 2003

Live CNN feed from the Don Valley — 09:00 EST

A heath near Broadview and Gerrard.

[Thunder. Fog. Enter the three Witches]

First Witch Where hast thou been, sister?

Second Witch The usual. Writing copy.

Third Witch Sister, where thou?

First Witch I used to read a blog, but then it stopped,
'Blog more,' quoth I:
'Aroint thee, witch!' the rump-fed ronyon cried.
So I unlinked him ere a while
And to relink he did beguile.
What counsel you?

Second Witch Oh, relink him.

First Witch Thou'rt kind.

Third Witch Can’t hurt.

First Witch I myself agree
Weary se'nnights one times five
Shall he dwindle, peak and pine:
Though his blog cannot be lost,
Yet it shall be tempest-tost.
Look what I have.

Second Witch Show me, show me.

First Witch Here I have the html code.

[Drum within]

Third Witch A drum, a drum!
Chip doth come.

ALL The weird sisters, left to right,
Drinkers of both red and white,
Thus do go about, about:
Once to thine and once to mine
And thrice again, to make up five.
Peace! the charm's wound up.

A BIG POOF OF DRY ICE VAPOUR. THE LINK MAGICALLY REAPPEARS.




Wednesday, July 09, 2003

The Ice Queen of Pop?

Once you’ve had a baby, exercise will only do so much to get your stomach back in shape.

But I have found The Solution.

And I’m not sure I’m kidding. What’s the worst that could happen? No, really! Will my bum fall off?




Stay tuned for the solemn relinking ceremony for Chip Tijuana.

Live tomorrow at 09:00 EST. Hats and gloves please, ladies.




I'm a bit moist, but laid back. Pass my cocomochacchino and watch out for those tulips!
HASH(0x871b55c)
I'm British Columbia. I'm hip and happenin'
but also a nice person who isn't a snob. Career
is important to me but it isn't my whole
life. People assume that my life is perfect
and that I have it all, like I was born
with a silver spoon in my mouth. But it's not
true; I do have my own set of troubles just
like everybody else.


What Canadian Province Are You?
Go find out!
Courtesy of Sister Staceypatrick.


Honey, I think you were a little hard on The Beaver yesterday....
I’m just heading into a meeting, so no long post, but I was thinking about Sister’s comment that the 80s fashion suited her perfectly. What era fashion would suit you perfectly? I’m thinking 50s, because I would so vacuum with pearls on.


Tuesday, July 08, 2003

You may have noticed that the comments counter is wonky. Wonky is a technical communications term for not working properly. Please continue to comment nevertheless.

I have now exercised seven days in a row. Boomer owes me a fancy coffee (non fat, natch.)

And I can't get the image of Sister in full 80s garb out of my head.

Chip’s Running Blog Score: 4 1/2 posts out of 5. Four days left to restore his link. Quality rating: Medium. Pixi, on the other hand, sounds very interesting. I liked her post. I think she needs her own blog.


Of children..or the lack thereof

1. The Good Doctor Hibbert has given me an appointment to arrange to get my tubes tied. Hurrah! He suggested an alternative – Depo-Provera injections, but told me that it would cause me to gain ten pounds. To hell with that!
2. I have a lead on what looks to be a great babysitter. She volunteers at daycare centres, she works at the St. Jamestown Youth centre for the summer, and she starts her Early Childhood Education diploma in the fall. But will the Ice Prince like her? We meet her this weekend. Cross whatever appendages you feel are appropriate.
3. Ice Prince is going bowling tomorrow with his class. Yep. They’re even renting bowling shoes. Can you imagine 20 two and three years old running around a bowling alley? These people really don’t get paid enough.

90s nostalgia
Chip mentioned that his (long suffering) girlfriend Pixi-Stix likes 80s music. Which got me thinking…when will people start getting nostalgic about the 90s? What do you miss about the 90s? I miss:
My metabolism
T-shirts under sundresses
Body suits
Red Dog beer advertising
My car
Psychokitty being a kitten
Travelling
Spice Girl Bubble Gum that came with Tattoos
Other than that...my mind’s a blank. I don’t miss Kurt Cobain – I prefer Foo Fighters anyway. I liked early Oasis. I don’t miss the grunge fashion.

Ice Queen's Movie Pick: Forgotten Classic: Last Night with Don McKellar, Callum Keith Rennie and lots of other Canadian "stars". Weird and wonderful. I love Callum's kitchen decor.

Chip’s Running Blog Score: 3 1/2 posts out of 5. Four days left to restore his link. Quality rating: Medium. I agree with Crabby that posts about reinstating his link don't really count. Some may say I'm mean, but I'm the Queen, and it's good to be Queen.


Monday, July 07, 2003

I Am Not a Bimbo!
Saw Punch Drunk Love last night and was terribly disappointed. I felt the movie had a lot of potential and that Sandler did an excellent job in it, but the sub plot about the goons was weird and scary and added little to the plot. Anyone seen Mr. Deeds? I haven’t heard much about it.

Finished John Stackhouse’s Timbit Nation and was also disappointed (for foreign readers – this book is by a national newspaper reporter who hitchhiked across Canada. Non Fiction). I thought the political opinions were dull and the people he met weren’t weird enough. But it’s non-fiction, so you can only work with what you get.

Idea! Make Timbit Nation into a movie staring Rick Mercer as the hitchhiker. The characters he meets include people played by Adam Sandler, Christopher Walken, Steve Buscemi, John Tuturro, Chris Issak, Johnny Depp, James Woods, Kevin Spacey, Mary Walsh, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Don McKellar, Colin Mochrie…

Speaking of Johnny Depp – Pirates of the Caribbean! Yummy!

Chip’s Running Blog Score: 3 posts out of 5. Five days left to restore his link. Quality rating: Medium. Too much politics.

I’ve noticed that my blogs are rarely political. And I don’t generally like political blogs. Am I a bimbo? I'm really quite smart (S-M-R-T!), but for some reason, I just don't tend to give a damn. So I'm not a bimbo, I'm just jaded. The only political thing I gave a damn about recently is pesticides on lawns. Who needs 'em? Sure if you've got an infestation of cinch bugs, but not to get rid of a couple of dandelions. There. Rant over.


Friday, July 04, 2003

Chip’s Running Blog Score: 2 posts out of 5. Seven days left to restore his link. Quality rating: High. Copious mentions of the Ice Queen and reader participation opportunities. Keep up the good work!


Kiss My Shui Mai
So in Newfoundland you have to drink screech and kiss a cod to become a true Newfoundlander®.

I think there should be a similar indoctrination for Torontonians. But what?
Drink a triple shot non-fat decaf mocha frapuccino and kiss Enza Supermodel?
Drink a Kiwi Bubble Tea and kiss a plaster moose?
Drink a 1989 Chateau Lafite Rothschild and kiss your wallet goodbye?
Drink a cup of Lake Ontario water and kiss your innards goodbye?
Drink an organic fair trade coffee and kiss Olivia Chow?
Drink a Chai and french kiss Kyle Rae?

What do you think? Those of you in other locales unfamiliar with “The Big Smoke” can tell us indoctrination ceremonies for where you live.

Chip’s Running Blog Score: 1 out of 5. Seven days left to restore his link. Quality rating: Medium. Obvious material and conspiracy theories.


Thursday, July 03, 2003

Probation
So Chip wants back on the links. I took him off because his posting was sporadic at best.

So I'm willing to put him back on if I see 5 quality posts by July 11th.

Now for a tag line. I had thought: Chip Tijuana: Betcha Can't Eat Just One!

But that's just rude.

Chip Tijuana: Run for the Border! That's better.


Band on the Run
If you had a band, what would you name it?

My band post-university was Nato and the Warsaw Pact. Okay, that was just our name to put on Karaoke slips when they started recognizing our names.

My band now would be called Thundershorts.

If I had a tribute band, it would be for Queen and I’d probably call it Fat Bottomed Girls.

Or, I could do a Phil Collins Tribute and call it Sue Sue Sue-dio.

Little Known Fact: In high school, I wanted to be an opera singer. Then I decided I wanted to do musical comedy. I wanted to be on Broadway! Now I watch children’s shows done as stage shows (on video) and think it would be kind of fun to be one of the back up singers and dancers. As for the boredom factor, I’ve already seen each of those videos hundreds of times and they’re still bearable.

There are two men and two women in one. I thought “I wonder if they date? I mean, what if they have tumultuous relationships and then have to hold hands and sing to a neon green lemur every night?” I think it’s a great idea for a novel.

And am I the only one who still gets misty about the St. Elmo’s Fire theme?


Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me

It seems that many bloggers have a list called 100 things about me. SAMPLE

I’m lazy. Tell you what, I’ll come up with twenty things if you guys each cough up at least ten.

1. I’m lazy. No, not lazy as such. I have a very short attention span.
2. I adore cooking and decorating my home.
3. If I had any more children, they’d be named Ian or Olivia, but it ain’t gonna happen.
4. I love clothes, hats, jewelry, shoes….
5. I have a hair-dying habit I’m trying to kick.
6. I took two weeks of a Master’s degree in Library Science.
7. I took two years of a Bachelor’s degree in Theatre.
8. I have a Honours B.A. with a Major in Creative Writing (Poetry and Fiction)
9. My parents thought I was going to be a boy and planned on naming me Alexander.
10. I can curl my tongue like a taco shell (not everyone can, you know)
11. I can’t juggle. I was once in a class of 50 people and everyone learned how but me. I can teach it, though.
12. My favourite cereal is Shreddies.
13. My favourite saying is either “Oh, man!” or “Fine, be that way.”
14. I helped build a race car in high school with my Dad. (I did the rivets on the body)
15. I was supposed to drive the race car, but then Mom found out.
16. My first car cost $250.
17. I do not suffer fools gladly.
18. I can read French and write some. I can get the gist of Spanish.
19. Mom used to make me wiener sandwiches in grade school. Tasted like baloney.
20. On my 5th birthday, I announced to all of my little guests that I was wearing my birthday suit.

But hey, I've got work to do. Your turn.



Wisdom and Wit of the Ice Prince
Me: What’s your favourite colour?
I.P.: Eggs! (Laughs hysterically) Daddy, your fav’rite colour?
Fresh: Snow bear.
(Silence)
I.P.: (indignantly) Snow bear’s not a colour, Daddy.



Things I Learned On My Summer Vacation
10. Ten days with a toddler is NOT a vacation.
9. Walking on the beach barefoot eliminates the need for foot scrub part of a pedicure. Baby soft!
8. A diaper expands to 33% of the actual weight of the toddler wearing it when submerged in water.
7. If you get your hubby to watch your toddler for a few hours, it will be on the day that all the stores in town are closed.
6. I have a ponytail!
5. Grocery stores in cottage country do not carry light whipping cream or light Havarti. They do carry an amazing array of bug repellant.
4. Flies bite.
3. Things hung on a laundry line in cottage country will never really dry.
2. A 400 lb man CAN drive a tiny Kawasaki, even though it looks like something out of Barnum & Bailey.
1. I want a car.

What’s Playing in my Head: “Back to life, back to reality, back to the here and now…..”